I Need To Keep The Fire Burning In Me/Confessionals

Day 34
"kaiming"

- Ya know each week gets harder to push through. The challenges, the votes all get more difficult. No one here deserves to stay or go more then anyone else. But at the end of the day i want this soooo badly. I've been fighting since day one with the goal of making it to the end. i dont know if ill ever win immunity to get a special power in this game, but im fighting to be here with everything i've got. i dont want to be discounted, and i dont want to float. I want everyone on that jury to see how hungry i am for this.

"kaiming"

- the last vote was... humbling. The guys removed themselves from consideration and the girls had to kill one of our own. i feel guilty that Vanne is not here, angry that Emile left me alone at that tribal, and happy that ive found allies that stayed true to me. I was the last lonely brain sitting at tribal. The other 4 could have brushed to the jury so easily. So, as tired and frustrated and hurt as i feel right now, i need to keep the fire burning in me. All i want right now is to find a way to the end. So, either my butt will be sitting at that final tribal a few days from now as a finalist or im fighting like hell on my way over to the jury.

"kaiming"

- I actually have no plan. :l

"kaiming"

- So we’re a day away from Tribal Council and my name has been brought up like crazy! Everyone’s worried about how dangerous I’ll be at the FTC and are all trying to unite so that they can send me packing. Am I shocked? Hell no! I’ve been on the chopping block for the past 2 votes and I’ve managed to flip it the opposite direction so I’m hoping I can do it again. Who’s trying to lead the pack? Emile of course LMFAO. He waited until the Final 6 to start playing socially and he literally sucks at it. I’m not buying into any of his shit and that’s why he wants to get me the fuck out of Sichuan. He knows he can’t control me and that’s why he’s desperate to make sure my torch is snuffed. I respect the gameplay aspect of it but I do not respect his game AT ALL! He literally SUCKS at making bonds, like all he’ll talk about is bland topics or pure game. This is a SOCIAL game, although it is imperative to be a good strategist who the fuck are you going to persuade if you don’t have strong social bonds established? Check yourself! He doesn’t know how to play this game from a social standpoint and that’s going to cost him big time. I swear if he thinks he can get me out that easily he’s got a big storm coming LMAO. I’ve put my heart and soul into this game and I refuse to let anybody ESPECIALLY a one trick pony like Emile take it away from me. If he wants to continue to come after me then so be it, but I don’t shoot to miss sweetie. TSN is also a coward! If he thinks he’s playing a game capable of winning then he’s mistaken. This game is OUTWIT, OUTPLAY, OUTLAST not out flop, out beg and out hide. The only thing he has going for him is being in the minority during the merge but he hasn’t done ANYTHING. Erin, however does have a pretty good resume in my book. She flipped on her alliance at the right time and managed to integrate herself into the Amazonas but she definitely has lacked socially. She doesn’t bother to build “genuine” friendships and just goes straight to game talk, be careful because that’s what sent Yasmin out. I personally know it’s a hell lot more beneficial to become someone’s “friend” and then their ally. Open up to them personally and make them feel like your relationship is actually genuine and then you’ll have full control of them! Jessy is a great person inside and out but I want her gone ASAP! She’s the biggest threat to my game and I know she’s the person I’ll have the toughest time beating like who can hate Jessy? I speak the truth in my confessionals and how I feel about people’s games and personalities but let me just tell you, I surprisingly have nothing negative to say about Jessy. I came here to WIN not to join a charity. I know I have the potential to win but I just need to pull a rabbit out of a hat to make it past these next few tribals. I’m using every ounce of campaigning fiber that I have in my body to ensure that I make it to the final. I’ve played this game with 0 emotion, I don’t care how close we are, if you’re standing in my way then your throat is getting slit. If these castaways think they’re going to get me out that easily then they’re surely mistaken!

"kaiming"

- Every single time someone has plotted against me to get rid of me, whether it was down the line or that upcoming tribal council, they've all been sent home bc of me. Now, with 4 others left, nobody really has brought my name up, at least to my knowledge. There's Emile who's only aspect to his gameplay is asking me who to vote and winning immunities. Erin, who's only made one big move this season being to flip to join MY alliance. Alexa, who's been my #1 since the start and could be my biggest competition in a FTC, but I'm still taking her anyways. And then TSN, who's the most recent pet of mine that I have total control over, at least I believe I have him. I know the further and further I've gotten along my target has gotten bigger and bigger and bigger, so now each vote is going to be imperative about who I can really manipulate the most in this game and those who might turn around and stab me in the back. Each vote also matters because I need to know who I can really beat in the end, I have 0 votes against me so far, so if I make it to the FTC I really want to come the closest to playing a Perfect Game. Everything is all happening now in this game, and I need to be the one making it happen.

"kaiming"

- I may approach this differently depending on who wins immunity. I'm fairly sure I have a high chance of making it to finals if I keep doing what I'm doing, both because of my challenge prowess and jessy/erin relationships (I may have lost Erin, not sure). My current guess is that me/erin/jessy all have strong relationships with each other. Alexa should be scrambling, especially if she tried to vote jessy out last tribal. If she isn't scrambling tonight, I'll assume Vanne came up with the alliance to Alexa and TSN, which Alexa told Jessy about immediately. Now, we have to take note that Erin/Jessy still have 0 votes against them this entire game. It's hard to fight against that, and that's what I'm paranoid about. I may not be paranoid of the players, but I sure as hell am paranoid about the jury. So what should I do? I don't want TSN in the finals, he would steal my underdog story. However, I don't want to head into final 4 with Jessy/Erin still in control of things, that's bad for my FTC. So, I'll hurt my chances of getting to the end if it means a better chance at winning FTC. I might as well get TSN's unwavering loyalty if I play my idol on him. I'd get rid of Erin or Jessy because I'm pretty sure they're tighter than it seems. I could get Alexa to distrust these two girls as well, with a simple question. ""Did Jessy or Erin ever tell you about my idol?"" Combined with the fact that Alexa tried to make a move on them and that they don't trust alexa, it shouldn't be too difficult. But... I could also pretend to Jessy that we should definitely keep TSN because he will be loyal to both of us, setting up Alexa VS TSN for the next tribal!!! So many things I could do, and I'll likely not even follow through with any of my ideas. We'll see.

"kaiming"

- I am too bad at puzzle:((( This challenge is killing me 😢 Now is top 5 and i don't know where is my place in this tribe . Last tribal, if i lost immunity, 100% I would be voted out ! I broke the girls alliance and now I really hope they against each other !

Day 35
"kaiming"

- With an idol in my pocket making it to the Final 4 is a breeze! I’m going to use this opportunity to continue to campaign as hard as possible to see who is truly on my side since some won’t hesitate to vote me out since they think I’m vulnerable. LMAO are they wrong. With the Leshan idol in my pocket for 30 days I’m sitting pretty for this vote. Emile is in the best of both worlds right now, he won immunity AND he has an idol. I’m almost convinced he’ll play it on Jessy and use it to get me out since my name is the only one he ever seems to mention. I cannot wait to get him out at the next vote! Saying he doesn’t deserve to win is an understatement but the others won’t see it that way. Yes he can win challenges but what else can he do? He CANNOT build social bonds he literally sucks at it and his strategic game isn’t anything out of this world. He’s also a major threat to my existence in Sichuan, he’s been trying to get people to flip on me for the past few votes and I’m so ready to snuff his torch. Jessy is my closest ally but also my biggest competition which is why I want her out ASAP but tonight she has her pearl which negates a vote so she’d almost 100% stay if I tried to vote her out because Emile might idol her tonight. Erin is getting dangerous… She’s flipped at the right times and has a bunch of Chengdu friends on the jury it may be time to take a shot at her. She’s also pretty fucking sketchy and I don’t think she’ll be loyal to me that much longer. TSN… LMFAO a disastrous player. He cannot come up with any strategic plans and just follows the herd. My biggest issue with him is that he could be a threat at the FTC for his appeal as an “underdog” which is irrelevant because he’s contributed nothing to the plot of Sichuan, literally all he’s done is out beg, out sheep and out hide versus outlasting, outwitting and outplaying. I know for a fact that they’re going to try and vote me out tonight, which is why I cannot WAIT to see them be fakes and start to slowly ignore me as if I’m already out of the game, little do they know. I’m using this vote to see who would flip on me when they get the chance, and those who do… they’re in serious trouble. On another note, the FTC is so close I can fucking taste it!! Every move I’ve made in this game has been a step towards my seat at the final. My name is carved in one of those chairs with Mai, Priscilla, Yasmin, Jake, Aromal and Vanne’s blood. I am so close yet so far, and I’m determined to make it there. Winning this game has been my agenda from day one and I can’t believe I’m almost there on my first ORG!! I refuse to let anybody take me out this close, I’m determined. LMFAO I can’t wait to see their reactions to when I pull an idol they thought was long gone (with Jake’s blindside) get played.

"kaiming"

- I love how alexa is trying to lead me to pull a blindside on Erin when that's what I already wanted

"kaiming"

- Also love how Alexa is trying to pretend like she won't get any jury votes

"kaiming"

- I’M ACTUALLY DYING OF LAUGHTER OH MY GOD. I managed to turn Emile against Erin and basically turned my fate around, I’m so happy omg. I need this plan to work so badly, if it works out I’m going to be laughing at Emile’s stupidity though, he even revealed to me that he has an idol and that he’d play it on me if necessary. So this is the perfect opportunity for me to take TSN along for a ride and blindside one of the Amazonas, which one will it be? You’ll have to wait till tribal to find out! Emile and I basically put the pieces together and we found out Erin had been playing the double agent card, telling Emile and I both the same exact things. This is actually perfect for me because I’ve gained Emile’s trust (hopefully) and he’ll be relying on my vote at the next tribal. I’m ecstatic and if he falls for this then he’s an idiot LMFAO. I’m that much closer to getting to the end and this tribal is going to be another golden star on my FTC resume. I sold out Erin’s entire strategy, from her acting as if she was hated by Chengdu, to her throwing immunities and even lied about how Erin told me about Emile’s idol. This all created a major doubt in Emile’s mind and he wants to blindside one of the Amazonas who he previously trusted with his game. I’m still sitting in a very dangerous position but nobody is going to suspect Emile/I working together for this vote, hell not even I did. His working against me is still a major worry to me but *shocker* he won immunity so I had to take advantage of this chance to save myself and take out one of the Amazonas. Hell, it only took a good 20 minutes to get Emile on board. I’m going to wait until the Amazonas get on board to see if Emile spread these plans around or if he’s actually serious about it. If he is than I literally just pulled a rabbit out of a hat because until a few hours ago my fate was almost sealed. I also have a little surprise in store for the castaways, you’ll see soon enough <3

"kaiming"

- Complete madness. First, I'm very glad that Vanne went, and I'm a little upset I didnt win this immunity bc I think I may need it. Alexa and I had a little fight bc she talked about getting rid of Erin to Emile before she talked to me about it. I think that getting rid of Erin is smart, but it gives Alexa more the risk to go home. Emile has ultimate control at this tribal. He has his idol, and he has immunity. Emile is for sure safe, Alexa is for sure safe, so basically theres 3 options. Erin, who's supposedly the planned target. TSN, who's the pretend target. And then there's me, who could in the end be the actual target. I cannot picture myself in the F4, I have such a big target that I think I've genuinely come to the end of my road. Everybody in this game knows I have the best chance of winning, I have 0 votes against me in the F5 and I've been the leader of every alliance I've been in, while also being the decision maker for every tribal council. I'm the one who decide between Erin and TSN for this one with discussion w/ Alexa. That there proves that I'm a dangerous force in this game so I wouldn't be shocked in the slightest if I were to be voted out, but obviously I'm going to do everything I can to ensure that its either TSN or Erin and not me. I may not see myself in the F4, but I'm going to do everything I can to get there.

"kaiming"

- after talking with Alexa today, I have to say, she's a lot better at the game than what i previously thought - especially if she lied about telling Erin she had an idol

"kaiming"

- The closer and closer we're getting to tribal the more nervous I get. I have a feeling that Emile could be flipping against me right now and making his move. He has clearly stated that he knows I would win in the final tribal council, and he states he's "fine going to a FTC with me." Ummmm I'm sorry but what idiot is going to throw their entire game for someone they just met within in the past month. Idek if people in this season dont know about Survivor but I know that right now, I have one chance in this game, and I'm going to give it my all. With that, I think if he's unintelligent enough to keep me this tribal, then I should be able to easily make it to the FTC with someone like that in this game. His only aspect to his gameplay is winning competitions and listening to me on who to vote, so I wouldn't totally be surprised if he chooses to keep me. Idk I'm just getting very anxious and I have good intuition, and I think that there are a lot of thoughts and plans going through Emile's mind right now, but I'm hoping my gut is telling me wrong and Erin ends up going in some form.