Schmoozing This Jury/Confessionals

Day 37
"zahra"

- Final 4 baby, awwwwwh yeaaaaaaah.

Honestly idoling out Romain after he gave me some condescending speech about how to play the game, that was cathartic as fuck. Brett knew about the idol but flipped on me anyway for some stupid reason, and now Tate has 0 chance of winning the game.

I'm fucking worried though, if I lose this Final 4 I'm going to have to tie break with Tate or Brett, IF Anna doesn't back stab me. And then I have to hope that I win FIC and if I don't, I have to hope that Anna doesn't backstab me again.

That's a lot of trust to put in one person, yikes.

"zahra"

- Gah I really would have liked that challenge win. I've been shit talking Tate in front of the tribe, trying to get Brett to feel like Anna and I won't target him but he's not buying it. I'm voting Brett and hoping that Anna does too, because I know I can beat him in a tie breaker.

I feel so helpless, like I can't use my bee skills, which are strategy and social BS. All I have now isn't challenges. I have to beat Brett now and I have to beat Tate at Final 3 or it's over for me.

I'm so tired of talking about numbers or votes, let's just do this and see who wants it more.

"zahra"

- THAT FIRE MAKING CHALLENGE, AHHHHH!

I really can't believe how close that tie breaker was. I'm humbled because I'm here in Brett's place, but I'm also confident. I know that if I can just find a way to get to the end, I have Anna and Tate beat. I'm just one more challenge away from accomplishing what I set out to do from Day One and I'm honestly hype as fuck, but if I don't win FIC, I'm almost definitely going home unless Anna is really that great of a person that she wouldn't vote me out to win the game. There's so much on the line, and really I'm shit at challenges, but I'm gonna put everything into this.

One more round, and then I win. Just one more...

"zahra"

- And that's a wrap, folks! My last day! I had such a good time playing this game even though I had moments and people that drove me crazy.

I feel like my damage control with Will went well and we both discussed getting rid of Anna for her flawless Record and Tate's position as a potential jury goat. Tate and I would have preferred to take Will out, but it was really going to depend on immunity. Anna cleaned house and secured her first win. Right when she won, I knew my game was going to be determined by a tiebreaker challenge unless I could convince Anna to vote Will out. And it would have made sense for her to--Will just came off a successful idol play and he'd rocked a leadership position since the beginning. Unfortunately, Anna decided if I won the final immunity challenge (HAHAHAHAHA!!!) that I would take Tate to the end. True, but in what universe would I win a challenge? I was hoping the two of them would put their votes on Tate, so Will and Tate could do the tiebreaker, but they opted for me as the larger game threat and weaker challenge performer--that was a no-brainer. Ultimately, the tiebreaker challenge went a lot better than I thought it would have. I could have made a better question choice in the first half and I could have been luckier choosing among the final 3 I had it narrowed down to in the second half, but coulda shoulda woulda! Will probably had similar issues as well. We tied. I don't think anyone expected me to be able to hold my own, but I did. Unfortunately, total time was the tiebreaker and Will was faster than me. That's it. No more Brett!

I'm proud of the way I played the game. I started in a dominant position, basically co-leading with Scott and having friends in Aras and Dalton. At the swap, things with Whitney and Kristen got pretty bad, but I was fortunate enough to hit it off so well with Tate and begin that relationship. At the merge, I really thought I was screwed because Whitney wasn't going to not gun for Aras immediately and we weren't going to be a cohesive, united front no matter what. Scott was taken out before me because he was a bit more game-botty and he's definitely a lot more intelligent than I am. After that, I knew I was on the bottom and that it wasn't in my best interest to try to reassert control immediately. So I played the next portion of the game fostering friendships as opposed to strategic alliances and I hoped that those connections would eventually lead to strategy talk being kicked in my direction--and it worked! I made great friends in Will, Anna, and Zakriah, reconnected with Aras, and it was to my advantage that Whitney and Kristen made antagonists of themselves by being really aggressive and insane that I was able to evade being the main target. I was supposed to be 8th place when losing the flag challenge to Whitney, but they kicked off Zakriah instead. How crazy is that? Zakriah was a huge fish to fry, but I do feel like how I connected with certain individuals helped them feel like 8th was Zakriah's time to go and not to wait until later. Then we got rid of Whitney, then Aras was too threatening, and then Romain and before I knew it, I was like "Holy shit. I'm still here. I'm in the final four." I got much farther in the game than the hand I was dealt would have suggested, so I'm all smiles here. I'd have loved to have won and I do feel like I could have beat all three of them at the end (maybe not Anna, who hasn't harmed a fly), but 4th place in a season like this is something I can be proud of--with no challenge wins, with no bazaar advantages, with no immunity idols, and without being a goat. Hey, it's worlds better than the 11th place I got my last game! I'm proud of me! :)

Heading to Ponderosa...I realize that I dislike just about everyone on the jury--and that makes me feel good because my entire game has been based around going far with people I enjoy and I genuinely do enjoy Anna, Tate, and Will a lot more than the rest of these goobers. I wish them luck. :)

Anna has played a similar game to me and while it kept her from ever being targeted, her gameplay was super safe and rather boring. She was dealt a good hand and she never really had to move and shake or anything. She never took any risks. She never stuck her neck out. She never had a leadership role. And the thing about us playing similarly--I had to play the way I played because I was in the minority and I had to play in "survival" mode for a long time. I love Anna so much as a person, but she really was too timid to actually make a major impact on the game.

Tate is the player I have loyalty to. He helped keep me safe for as long as I stuck around and we collaborated on several initiatives together. I feel like he won't get enough credit, but he's played extremely savvy and nudged players in the right direction to save his allies when they were the intended target. He was so good socially, he managed to not get swap screwed AND we didn't even split the vote on him. He's a terrific player and I'd align with him any day of the week. I'm rooting for him so much.

Will has played the most dominant strategic game, but has lacked socially. We were the best of friends, but I could tell that a lot of other (lame) people resented him. His management of these individuals could have been better, but for how Will played, it's amazing he's in the final 3. He had a leadership role from early on, led the charge on several votes, won a challenge--he's been very well rounded. At the moment, it's very tough for me to choose between Tate and Will. Can't wait for Rites of Passage and the Final Tribal Council!

Day 38
"zahra"

- I'm going really hard for this challenge, but I know that Anna is too. I think one of the two of us is winning, which makes me think about what my chances against her really are.

I know that Tate, Romain, and Brett would vote for me, but I also know that Kristen and Zak would certainly vote for her. Anna certainly has a good shot at winning over Whitney, and she was very close with Aras. I don't think my jury numbers are as solid as I'd want with her.

Tate on the other hand, will get Romain's vote but I'll definitely get Whitney, Brett and Aras, probably Anna too. I don't think I can lose to Tate, and I think going up against Anna is 50/50. But on the other hand, Anna is my best friend in the game, and she's saved at least once.

I have to think about the really difficult decision I'd have to make if I won this challenge..

Day 39
"zahra"

- I did it, oh my god I fucking did it. I tried so damn hard to win that challenge, and it was real close at the end. Fuck man, I thought I was screwed but I do believe Tate made the right choice. He didn't have the votes against Anna, and he atleast has the hope that the jury will vote against me out of bitterness.

It's going to be very heated, I know that. I burned a lot of bridges, but I could give a fuck. Pitting myself against the right people got me here, and it made me appealing enough for Tate to take me over Anna.

As messy as this is, I'm going to win this shit. Like for real, I'm schmoozing the fuck out of this jury. I want that 7-0!