Board Thread:Season 57 - Laguna Colorada/@comment-33060993-20200216005226/@comment-44735465-20200216015130

Hi Zeebem! Thank you for the constructive criticism. I would like to begin by saying that I was indeed confident entering the final tribal council, thinking that the game I had played was far more superior than the one Luca played.

I’m a very socially awkward person. I have severe anxiety, so communication is not something I’m good at. Even waiting for your jury speeches makes me feel really sick and anxious, because I have no idea what to expect. However, I’m a bit surprised to hear that people have the assumption that I never really talked to them, when I personally feel like I did. I can’t deny that there were people who I naturally clicked with more and I usually did talk to them more, though.

I’m not going to say I regret a certain game move or anything that sort, because moves were made on purpose no matter which one of us they will profit in a few days. I don’t regret the way I treated people, because I was always being genuine with them unless I was about to vote them out, but I do regret how I came off as. Deep down, I’m a very vulnerable and shattered person, but I have this ”I’m a bad bitch” stigma around me kind of as a shield, because I don’t have the best of life experiences. I talked about some of my experiences with the people I felt the closest with, but I’m not the easiest person to be around, I’ll admit that.

What I really needed in this game was actual self-awareness, but I was so far up in the game that I was completely blinded by how people actually perceived me when I thought I had it all figured out. I genuinely felt like I formed real bonds while playing this game, but it turns out I might’ve just fooled myself all along. The only person I truly don’t give a shit about is Beth, but the rest of you are people who I genuinely had fun with (excluding the people I never met for obvious reasons).

Perception is everything in this game, and failing to see how others view you is a crucial mistake. It may not only cost you the game, but it might also cost all the bonds you built, which I really hope isn't the case with me this time around. The last game I played, I had everyone hating me, and even though I tried solving it all after the game I got shat on even more. I feel like I finally see what was wrong with me that game and how I carried the same dark cloud throughout this game as well. I hope that once this game is dealt with, I'm going to be able to talk this all through with everyone and just get a general understanding on the whole topic.

What I hope people are able to take away from my answer is that everyone makes mistakes, but noticing your own mistakes is never that easy, which now seems to be the case with me, and admitting them is a whole another story. I’m not the most humble person, but it’s not the only part of me that I need to work on. My past experiences have defined the current me, but it’s time to get rid of the bad omen and realize that making others feel bad isn’t worth winning a game.