Board Thread:Season 51 - The Caribbean/@comment-35624472-20190225211204/@comment-4184065-20190226020258

Hey Karsten, thank you for recognizing my dedication to the physical aspect of the game, I know that is only a small part of the game, but I appreciate you seeing that I put everything I had to give into making it up here. There are so many other aspects to the game of Survivor, and I know I haven’t played anything near a perfect game, but I think of the 3 of us sitting before you tonight, I played the best game.

I wanted to clear the air about the everything that happened during the Hunter blindside. You’re right about me not being a real ally to you in that round. When it came down to the vote, I felt like I was faced with a choice to either stick my neck out for you again, and possibly have my entire alliance of Elmo/Andrea/Natalia/Bradley/Hunter stop trusting me for wanting to keep you, or send you home and give into what I thought they wanted. For me, I had to make the choice that I felt was best for me, and that was to cut you, because for me, you weren’t worth keeping around at that point at the cost of 4 – 5 other allies. At that vote, I was not your ally, and I think that is where our disconnect comes from. Before that vote, I was your ally. And in my head, I extended that whatever the hell you wanna call it… that “ally-ship” one vote too long, and I shouldn’t have done that. My message to you 7 minutes before tribal council, was something I shouldn’t have done. There is no way I couldn’t have made that come off as anything but jury pandering, and you rightfully called me out on that. I wasn’t being a true ally to you in that round and for me to claim that I was, I can completely see how that can come off as fake to you and the other members of the jury. On the aspect of my social game being fake in parts, I want to say that I am not that great of a talker. I would classify myself as an introvert, and I don’t have the most amazing conversational skills IRL. The only reason I think I am even half decent at talking in ORGs, is because I have time to sit back and think about what I want to send, and try and make it sound “perfect” but in reality, all that does it just make it seem like I have had this whole thing prepared, and it doesn’t come off as genuine. I am trying to work on that problem with these answers, I’m trying to pull away this front that I put up in my messages.

When it came to my comment in my opening statement about: “It was honestly surreal because I never pictured myself making it this far.” You are right about me making it to the merge without being in danger, but in my mind when I was writing that, I was thinking from more along the lines of “When this season began”. I am also a naturally anxious person, so I tend to have doubts about what I am able to accomplish, so stacking all those things together, that is why I said that in my opening speech. It wasn’t my intent for it to come off that way, and I’m sorry that it did. I really should have been clearer, because yes, I was in the majority alliances during each tribe swap. I think that goes to show how I was able to keep myself safe in the numbers up until the point where I needed to start winning challenges, which according to Jake and myself, was actually only around the final 6 of this game, and I was able to clutch those two challenges that I needed.

Looking back on my final tribal council speech, I should have stopped this aggrandizing view of my game and have been less polished. When you bring up I should have said “Yeah Karsten, I was kinda using you as a number, I was okay with you going after Lex, to further my game.” Is a prime example of what I should have said. I should have explicitly mentioned that I valued the trust and loyalty of my alliance at that point, over having you in the game, and that is why I lied to you. I think I tried to mention it, but It didn’t get out the way I intended and I made it seem like I had your back more than I actually did. I hope that it isn’t too late for me to be saying this now. I just needed a hearty dose of reality and what you and Natalia have brought up about my game seeming fake is showing me what I need to work on, and it is what I am working on as I type this.

I know I started out this tribal council off on the wrong foot, but I am making an active effort to correct it because I do have these issues that I need to work out. I’m not sure if it is a good or bad thing that you spent a large potion of your video talking about my game, but whichever way it goes, thanks for telling me about the problems that you found in my game, and I hope that I have been able to explain myself to you in a better way than I did earlier tonight. If you have any follow up questions you want to ask me, I’m down for anything you got, but if not, I hope I have shown you enough to earn your vote tonight Karsten.