I Don't Make Good Game Moves/Confessionals

Day 16
"cheng"

- So the tribal ended up working out how i wanted to, I take back all the shit I said before lol things just got heated and I was in a weird headspace. Things are still good, Karsten is squarely on the bottom, and I'm still in a good position. Yousef and I are really close, and i have a good bond with all of Lex, Anita, and Jake I believe. I also think we are gonna lose this immunity cuz all of us r pretty busy and then the other tribe has all the crazy active people who will thrive in this type of challenge...so rip us! I think I will be safe tho if we go again, I'm just gonna spend time cementing my bonds

"barbarossa"

- "https://vocaroo.com/i/s1bq7XRypip8

Barbarossa 3.0 + My position on the tribe + advantage paranoia?????"

"barbarossa"

- "I'm trying not to be nervous. Tribe lines don't mean everything, obviously

But I need to figure out here if I'm going into the merge in the majority or the minority. I need to know if I have the wiggle room to get my way.

I'm not gonna sit back and let people do shit for me all the time, eventually I gotta push for what I want. I need to stick by my principle this season: choose your battles. I haven't really had to fight one yet. Katie's vote was me fighting someone else's.

So if OG Barbarossa really is losing members one by one, and if the lines will be based on the first swap, I may be going into the merge in the minority.

I don't wanna think it's tribe lines, but that's a pretty good possibility. This next tribal will probably decide my actions for the first couple merge rounds.

It's just a question if they are with a majority, or a minority"

"cheng"

- Well, it looks like we're losing this challenge. Ethan is a BEAST. This sucks, since Karsten hasn't talked to me since last tribal, where I left him out of the vote. But he can't even blame me! He decided to tell everyone EXCEPT for me about his plan to vote Jake! What a rat-faced bastard! I would have considered it if he hadn't been leaving me out, in fact, just to rub it in a bit, I stopped to talk to him about the vote RIGHT before tribal and said I had heard Jake's name. Maybe not the best game move, but damn I was pissed off. And when I'm pissed off, I don't make good game moves. He's dead to me at this tribal. I pushed Yousef so hard to save him that Yousef started telling me he thought I was going to break my alliance with him if he didn't vote Liam. Which, actually, pissed me off as well. Like just because I wanted you to not vote out someone who had been super open with me up until that point (again) doesn't mean I'm going to blow up either of our games. Chill the fuck out, Yousef. Anyway, I pushed so hard to save him and he tries to throw me under the bus like that? Not a good look. I am PISSED and I'm ready for him to go.

"barbarossa"

- "So Liam was voted out of the Other tribe... That's not very good. And it seems like there was one person who was left out of the vote... I assume that was Karsten, so he is probably on the hot seat should our tribe win immunity. It really sucks that Liam was eliminated because I could have seen him being a very good person to have in the merge. He was such a great guy. And it sucks even more that Karsten is probably on the outs. However, I don't want to throw this challenge. Karsten and Hunter obviously hate each other, and I could see that being a huge problem come the merge, so if he gets out, in a way, I can see that helping my game because I'm not the one having to betray him. However, I would have much preferred that to have happened during the Jury stage of the game, because I believe I would have had a great shot at getting his vote. As much as I love Karsten, I don't think he's worth going to tribal council for, if its just delaying the inevitable for a few votes.

Right now I feel like I'm stepping up as a leader in challenges, being social with everyone on the tribe, but really downplaying my strategic ability. I'm saying ""Oh man, If you've seen my other seasons you know I'm loyal to a fault"". and stuff like that.. I do however to make sure to point out how strong some of the other players in this game are; Yousef, Su, Elmo, Anita. I believe me performing in challenges Isn't going to get me that big of a target (at least not any more than it would have based off of my past performances in other seasons), and there are enough challenge threats to go around. If everyone else was garbage in challenges, I wouldn't be showing my strength this early, but I'm not being overly threatening I feel. Especially with this crowd.

On another note, Bradley ""Pitched"" the idea of an alliance of Me, Him, Hunter, and Elmo (and it happened after me telling him how great Elmo was! what a surprise! :P ) so I accepted that in a heartbeat. I know Bradley wants Nick out if we lose, but I like Nick! I think he's really great, and he's aligned closely with Natalia and Andrea, so that is a bonus for me too! If we can avoid tribal until the next swap/merge then I feel as if that puts me in a much better position. But worst case if we lose, I'm going to try my damnedest to keep everyone in this tribe on the same page.".

"barbarossa"

- "Hunter, my dude. My #1 homie. You know you're my ride or die, but we're in the middle of this Ship immunity challenge and you're not thinking things through. We've been getting blocked constantly when we do it your way, yet you're calling my strategy slow when we keep nailing 3-5 points with it. You were getting a little argumentative with it too, which is not a good look. This is my third time playing this game, and I know by now that arguing with the tribe over how to do a challenge never works. You gotta lead by example, and show what you're doing is working, and that way you aren't rubbing people the wrong way. People are trying their best, and no amount of trying to shove your preferred way of doing a challenge is going to actually help, or be received well. Then again... I'm just learning about this, and its my 3rd season, so I don't really have any right to be saying this to you lmao. BUT HEY. I'm glad that he is coming off as the aggressive challenge player, and I'm the laid back one. Hopefully that will make him the one who gets targeted ahead of me later on in this game should it ever come to that.

I'm still building up relationships with everyone on the tribe, still trying to cultivate these little seeds of trust and mutual beneficiality. And it is damn hard work. But in this game you can never just rest on your laurels. You always have to have some way of open communication with with everyone on the tribe. There isn't enough time to let something get awkward, and ignore it. Otherwise, if you do... its down to Davy Jones' Locker with thee!"

Day 17
Nothing of note happened today.

Day 18
"cheng"

- So, I get that people might not be awake yet, but it's not that early in the morning anymore and the tribe is still dead silent. Well, not dead silent; they're talking in the tribe chat, but not to me. I'm spooked, this isn't normal. I was pretty abysmal at the challenge, and I think Karsten might still be salty at me for lying to him about the vote, when he really had it coming to him. And I mean, everyone else lied to him as well, but still, he clearly still trusts me the least by far. I wouldn't be surprised to get at least one vote tonight, if not three or four. Maybe I'm overreacting, but it's better to be not confident enough than it is to be too confident. Maybe, just maybe, I can pull through this one too.

"barbarossa"

- i cant nap on a bus

"barbarossa"

- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TErxNhRh_W0

"cheng"

- So, I'm pushing hard-ish for Karsten to stay now. Why? He gave me a plausible alibi for not telling me about the vote, and he's given some damn good reasons to vote for Jake, while Jake hasn't spoken a single word to me. The problem arose when Karsten was talking to Jake about the vote and threw out Yousef's name. It makes sense, what was he supposed to do? He couldn't say Jake's name and he couldn't say his own, so he just had to respond fast before Jake got suspicious. Maybe not the best move overall but he was in an awkward position so I can't blame him. Jake apparently has alliances with Ethan and other people from Cheng 2.0, and Su and I had a good chat about us wanting to not be the biggest tribe going into the merge. Voting Jake puts us at 5-4-3 and makes our meatshield, Yousef, even MORE of a target, which is damn perfect. I want to be as inconspicuous as possible coming into the merge, not so under the radar that I'm a goat, but not so visible that I'm a threat. That's the ideal in Survivor, and I want to emulate it. Voting off Jake here is the perfect chance for me to do that.

"cheng"

- "Well, Liam got the axe last tribal, much to my dismay. Everyone said they'd vote Jake, and none of them did so. It was rough. I've spent the last day trying to change the narrative and get Jake booted for the second consecutive tribal. Surprisingly, Su and Anita have both expressed wanting to boot him. Yousef and Lex have been the wishy washy votes for some reason. Yousef heard from Jake that I threw his name out (true, of course I was scrambling lol) and I think that may have turned him off from saving me. I played it off like I was just bullshitting Jake, which I wasn't, but hopefully he believes me. I think I did a decent job of damage control, but it may have turned out to be the nail in my coffin.

Hopefully I'm here tomorrow. We'll see."

"cheng"

- Yet again, Yousef has twisted Su's arm into voting with him, and Su begged/whined at me to do the same. It says a lot about how abrasive Yousef is that I was dead set on voting Karsten after last vote, and he's been such a whiny pushy asshole about this vote that I've been defending Karsten to the end of the earth. Nothing actually personal against Yousef, but I'm going to try so damn hard to get him voted out. I'd rather just fucking go unanimously than have to work with him for another round. Trying to get him to do anything is like pushing a boulder up Mount Everest, and trying to explain anything to him is like yelling at a brick wall. It's just pointless. He's got his lapdog Lex voting whoever he says, and nobody. Fucking. Sees it. Not even Su, someone who I mistakenly thought had some actual game sense in his head. I fucking hope we swap soon because I am so done with Yousef's bullshit that I just want to scream at him for hours on end. Dude. Shut the fuck up. And stop throwing a temper tantrum every single time I disagree with you. It's not even that he's aggressive about it, he just tries to guilt trip me and act the victim every single time. Fuck this.

"cheng"

- SOOOOOOOOOOO this vote has been CRAZYY! Karsten seemed like an easy next boot but then Anita and I were gonna try to get rid of Jake cuz he wasnt talking to us and also to make the Chengs non targets at the merge. However, Yousef didnt agree and then Anita went OFF about how she wanted Yousef gone ASAP and how she thought he and Jake were annoying people. It was just...so volatile. If she is gonna go that crazy cuz someone doesnt talk to her for a day or disagrees with her, I'm scared she is gonna do that to me in the future even if I do have her trust currently. She's just a wildcard so that's why I'm assembling the votes to take her out. It might be stupid but I know I can gain Karsten's trust if I save him and I feel like he is going to be easier to deal with at the merge than Anita. I feel soooooo guilty doing this but it has to be done, she is coming for my closest allies and will only hinder my plans so she has to go :(

"cheng"

- "So I tried my hardest to get people on board with voting Jake out... Anita and Su say they're 1000% ready to vote him out, all I have to do is convince Yousef. Well, unfortunately for me, I brought up Yousef's name to Jake as a potential boot and Jake smartly spilled the beans. Yousef doesn't trust me, Lex is his puppy and will follow him, and they aren't gonna go to rocks 3-3 for me so it looks like I'm done. Anita and Su even message me saying they did their best but that I should play an idol if I have one.

I'm in the process of making some FIRE Last Words when Su comes to me saying that he's turned everyone on Anita to save my ass. ARE THE SURVIVOR GODS FINALLY SMILING UPON ME? SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

"barbarossa"

- "HELLO. It's day 18 and at the moment, I feel like I'm on a pretty good spot on my tribe. I think that everyone in the tribe (with the exception of Nick) want to work with me at least for now. It also puts me in a dangerous position because if there's a time where I need to be the middle vote, I have to burn bridges to one side which is kinda unfamiliar territory for me but it is what it is. I am not going to waste my 2nd chance because I am afraid to play the middle role. It's not a preferable role for me but I am willing to adapt.

Also prayer circle for Karsten because he legit doesn't deserve to get prejury for 3rd time in a row. I don't even know the dude but I would feel VERY bad if that happened. Best of luck bud."

"cheng"

- alright hi. it's been a while since my last conf but. https://78.media.tumblr.com/8a1cc964d1c9a4d2891e3c97d06e6ceb/tumblr_omjs7h3tx91tyvan0o5_250.gif

so like let me try to explain what happened last round briefly.

so, i don't really remember DETAILS, because it's been a long 48 hour span in between all that, but, what basically happened is that i couldn't vote jake out because i didn't want to flip on my alliance right before the merge. it'd be 4-3 and i'd lose su's trust which is very valuable to me. but, despite that, i wanted to do karsten over liam and i thought i should get that, but anita is annoying game wise and made us do liam. i don't know if her voting early was a lie fabricated in order to get the vote on liam and not karsten, but i was very annoyed. i am so sorry liam and i hope you forgive me b/c i did try my best to keep you like telling you to talk to su/anita, i just am a pussy KJSFFKJDLJKS

anyways after that round, we had a 24 hour challenge that was just pure shit. i kept fucking up and posting when no one else did b/c of the extension alarm going off when other ppl posted in the other thread, so it looked weird, and then i got bored and started saying hi lmao. i could've defended all night by staying up but we weren't gonna win if they had at least one person watching at 6-8 am, and if we couldn't get 3 ppl to assault, and su overslept so. /shrug whatever. the other tribe needed to calm down w/ their assaults we were losing LKJFSDJKFDKSJ

but yeahhh anyway tribal starts and the options are presumed to be jake or karsten. in my head, i rlly want anita. i don't think su would be down though, but the more i think ab it, i feel like he would be. i decide to talk to karsten and let him know i want to talk to him later on today about the vote but not earlier b/c i didn't want su to change the flow if it was anita who i wanted, but karsten told jake my name for the vote. this set me off, and i didn't feel like throwing anita's name out there after that. what i did though, was say that karsten said my name to jake in the barbarossa 2.0 alliance chat, and anita literally tells karsten about it without asking me even though she knew i wouldn't feel comfortable...

https://68.media.tumblr.com/2a168d2f9c7fb45cca7c23e2b1ef6fe9/tumblr_n3szgfkdr01tviw2io2_250.gif

like girl what...... you've only know this man for 24 hours and you're ready to put everything on the line for him? u ok ? white men got some effect i swear. anyway, yeah, she pushes to keep karsten. i'm not having it. i voted liam off last round for y'all, i'm not about to go vote jake off and be passive again even though i trust jake.

so, su comes online, and i lay it out for him. anita goes INSANE in his pms when i tell her i'm not doing karsten after what happened last round. she has a transparent parent on pushing her agenda onto others and it just showed this tribal council again and i'm pretty tired of it. anita tells him that she's never going to work w/ me again, shit like that, and i'm like ???? was it that deep.

i'm hoping su is being truthful b/c if he is then it's a p good partnership unless he's doing to get 5 calicos in the merge w/ 4 chengs and 3 barbarossas. it makes us calicos look like bigger targets, but like, anita is after me soon, and i couldn't really flip the vote to karsten after we sent all the information to jake and they just seemed more confident anita was the better choice.

su is really smart though. when we talked about telling karsten, he made sure to pm him first. i was like, oh, go off LKFJSDKLJFS but i pmed him afterwards. i wnated to originally snatch him up, i just wanna make sure he's MINE and not su's. like. this was MY plan......... and he got to it first BKJLASDFMAS i mean i was originally fine w/ it b/c anita going is a loss for him in terms of goats but like i was like. wow. unintentional emotional manipulation strong. on my end at times too! but yeah, anita is going home 4-1-1 i think and i'm blessed.

it's just rlly like... soothing to know that something has gone my way after 24 hours of that immunity challenge. i was rlly the only person who could do it at most times b/c of my tribe and it just was annoying to know that i was on a tribe w/ people who had a life and all the other ones w/o one were on the other tribe. i was just like.... it sucks to not be able to do anything to stop the rampage but u can't do much if there's no way u can win at all.

so yeah this has been a p short conf cmopared to the other ones but that's b/c i'm writing this at 4:41 am and i'm rlly sleepy + unable to pop off. i love su and lex, i like jake, and karsten's cool. i miss natalia and andrea. well that's it. i have my idol still. goodbye. oh also su is a threat. just gootta keep that in mind. bye