I Hate This Game/Confessionals

Day 25
"balegdeh"

- I think I’ll tell everyone I have an idol (I don’t)

"balegdeh"

- So shit is a mess and I have to explain everything now to Jamie who I think is lowkey mad that I didn’t tell her from jump and I’m pissed because everyone else can’t sift out the BS, my relationship with Jamie suffers from it and I shoulda just told her what was happening from the beginning. So now I have to damage control with Jamie to make sure she doesn’t go for me at all and knows that I still trust her and I hope she trusts me. So Chris or Ally I can’t remember which tells us that the next challenge is touchy subjects and that it’s live. So Jenna got dragged straight up and I made top 7 before I got booted from the challenge. I also got best social game and who do you wanna talk to after the game so I’m glad people enjoy talking to me cuz that means a lot tbh. So Sydney wins the challenge and then Jared apparently calls out Jake and Dani in the chat and tells them that whatever they are pulling isn’t gonna work which causes them to argue. And I’m thinking to myself it’s so obvious that Jared is playing you guys against each other wyd??? And then after like an hour they finally figure it out and I’m like girl...I can’t deal y’all gotta get it the fuck together

"balegdeh"

- Wow...well I’m QUITE the idiot LMAO.

So I guess I got exposed for trying to play both sides,which I mean that was BOUND to happen. Dani and Jenna thought I was leaning to the other side which is dumb as shit. If I was leaking things to anyone it was them and Jakey. PERIODT.

So ya fuck em that’s annoying as hell. Well now no one trust me, and my plan is to really just lay low for awhile. I didn’t really think I was going to have to play UTR in this game but I really have no other choice because things need to just cool down.

Also I’m bound to get in trouble for playing both sides AGAIN, considering right after results I went to both Audrey and Chelsea with sob stories. OOP. We’re they somewhat genuine? Yes they were I genuinely feel bad about voting for Chelsea! Do I still want them out??

You bet I do lmao

"balegdeh"

- Omggg last tribal was insane, like all over the place and there are a number of people to blame. So it started off fairly simple, Cali or Jenna which I was okay with but thought it was a cop out. Then Jakey and Chelsea got brought up and it was just a giant mess.

Dani and me were getting along really well, and then we made a chat with a few people but stuff started to leak and it fell apart. I told everyone we needed a new plan and Cali was probably the one leaking, and they agreed, but I assume made a new chat without me? Like they agreed then with 10 minutes left told me they were all voting Jared. Like what? I would have been perfectly fine voting Jared, but don’t tell me ten minutes before the deadline and also mention you were all talking about it before in another chat I wasn’t included in. Soooo how did I get cut from this chat? Because I said it was shady that things were getting leaked from it?

Anyway, I also was talking with the other side and Jamie and myself wanted to keep the trio of Audrey, Chelsea and Jessica together along with Szymon even though he is annoying Jamie. Even though I said Bryce never talked to me so he was my target in the beginning of the round, I literally did nothing besides say Bryce’s name was never brought up to the group. Like them getting him out was all on their note so it worked out weirdly.

Another thing I want to discuss is how different my strategy is, like I’m trying to come across ditzy and nice so people don’t go after me because they seem to do that when I act like myself lol. I guess it’s working since apparently every single person besides me was brought up as an option. So I’m going to continue riding this wave of the middle, and my next targets are the idols and Cali. I want the idols gone and Cali is on her like fifth strike with me for being a complete mess. I kind of also want the girls together, like we have such a big opportunity in front of us I feel like we would be wasting a big shot if we didn’t take it.... But we’ll see!

"balegdeh"

- WTF THIS GAME IS SO INTENSE... Those last 2 tribals made me lose 10kg by stress and sweat. I think tho that the theme for this season is who can spill the most ft. Jakey & Cali mainly. Ok, actually ft. everyone in this season. Including me sometimes maybe.

However most of the information im keeping for myself. And im ready to use it for when i will actually need that. And at this point i think i have hacks for everyone to pull on when i have to. Which is iconic!

Last tribal was something NNNNNN. I had to step up a lot when it came down to Chelsea vs Jake. I didn't want Chelsea to go at all, so i arranged a majority of me/Sydney/Jamie/Chelsea/Audrey/Jessica/Jared ready to vote for Jake. But to flush out the possible idol, we switched the vote on Bryce who i believe to be was the smartest vote for my own game. Since Bryce was balancing between both sides and he had a lot closer ties with other people than me. At this point i would like for this group of 7 to stick together for at least a vote or two and boot Jake/Tyler. Then i would love to arrange troops aganist Audrey/Jessica. But its hard to say that i will eventually want that executed in the moment of tribal happens because then literally anything can happen KJDHAKJGA

But even tho i managed to be on top with that one it doesn't mean i feel good. With the way of craziness in this season i could easly be next to go. Obviously if i was in fire for next vote i'd be ready to fight. But even if i was the one to go i have to say that im really proud of my game. I didnt go just with the flow and put some of my personal impact on this season! So far its definitely the best season i ever played in and the gameplay level is extremly high... i was not expecting that.

"balegdeh"

- Also im dealing with a lot of consequences and backlash. Obviously Jenna/Dani and company are really mad at me. Well Dani can stay mad all she wants. It was her plan and i told them multiple times i wasn't feeling comfortable with it but Dani would just shut me down. SHE is close with Jake/Tyler/Bryce and those are literally people i have least ties to.

But i DO care for Jenna and i do feel horrible. I want to neutralize and bring back our good relationship so im definitely going to put a lot of energy and time into getting back her trust. Theres still no way i would vote her out over anyone in this game. I actually think i should've said something to her about the Bryce vote but that could just ruin everything as well. So it was a risk and it might have a huge consequences moving much forward but i can't say i regret it.

"balegdeh"

- Yea its me again! KJHASD I forgot to RANT about Jakey. Fool me twice, yeah shame on u. But fool me twice, shame on you. Idk whats the deal with him, he thinks hes so good at playing sneakly but no honey i can see right thru him and anytime he TRIES ME and tries to throw me UTB ill throw him UTB 10 times harder. Im completely done with this cockroach and his loose lips. the only reason he is still in this game is to flush his possible idol. I wish we still voted for him instead but now its rather certain he doesn't have one so yea i want him gone.

"balegdeh"

- Sociopaths collide

Day 26
"balegdeh"

- Welp. This may or may not be my final day in my main survivor org career. (When I word it like that it really hurts DAMN)

I STILL HAVE THINGS I'M GOING TO TRY. A part of me wants to provoke some drama between people just so the target can move away from myself, but at the same time I want to stay low????

Honestly idk no one trusts me here my game CRUMBLED in my hands last round, BUT ITS OK I SWEAR. (wow queen of positivity pop off?)

Idk what I'm gonna do but when I figure it out...well IMMA do it!

Also Sydney Jamie jared do a terrible job hiding their alliance. The second I came for jared Sydney came for me in the challenge, and its like sis at least PRETEND you're not protecting him lmao.

I got voted biggest snitch which was very accurate, but we're gonna fix that reputation! As long as I remind people that my game resembles that of a sad 1st grader and that I will NEVER be a threat maybe they will keep me!

"balegdeh"

- SORRY THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN APART OF MY LAST CONFESSIONAL BUT I FORGOT.

No matter what happens though whether it is my last day, or I still got 3 more days to go, I'm going to have FUN. Whether that's being messy, or just making fun of the fact that I really FLOPPED this season, it's going to be a good time!

"balegdeh"

- The first merge tribal was pretty wild!

My main alliances coming in are with Audrey/Chelsea and Jared. It's also great to finally have Jake on my tribe, at first no one was targetting him and he was in a great spot!! But then like 3 hours before tribal everything completely blew up. For some reason, he told Tyler that Szymon was targetting him [Tyler], which obviously very immediately made me look bad because Szymon had JUST asked me to do that plan, and he knows Jake and I are friends. I tried to convince him I didn't leak it to Jake (which I didn't really... I just said Szymon would vote Tyler not that he was planning it as Chelsea had actually been the one to start that), but I don't think Szy bought it. Whoops!! I wish Jake could have just let Tyler go home, because I think it would have benefitted both of us since Tyler is very well situated in the game. But no he insisted on blowing up everything and he nearly got himself voted out. Or well, he nearly got votes, he has an idol and something that negates one of the first votes cast against him (white pearl??), and I would have told him if he had needed to use an idol. But like we do not need to do that this early on.... we can save it very easily for f7.......... if he just calms down!!!

Right now, I do still plan to have a secret f2 with Jake and have us play both sides. Again, to everyone reading this after the game, I knowwww this is totally hypocritical, because part of the reason I want Tyler, Jamie, and Dani gone is because they have friends. But that's part of why I have to target the pregame friends, because I know how strong those relationships can be. I also do feel that mine and Jake's relationship is different than some of the other ones here, because we have only played in 3 games together, the most recent of which was about... 4 years ago now (not counting Azer because I was barely doing anything in that game, and that was still 3 years ago). Yeah we were a f2 in all the games we played, and yeah we're close outside of orgs, but we aren't like some of the other people here who seem to talk almost every day. Obviously I was excited he was playing this because he was the only person I knew well, and obviously yes I had every intention of aligning with him and attempting for us to be a f2 once and for all, but I also get the sense he's playing his own game without me (which is good!), and all of my alliances have occurred naturally without him. Just thought I'd clarify, because I feel like I did not explain this properly in my past confessionals, I think I just wrote Jake = ally

Last round, I didn't really want Bryce to go. I would have strongly preferred Tyler, Jenna, or Cali leaving. But I also didn't want the vote to switch back to Jake, which I was scared would happen if we didn't pick a plan. I do think it's telling that when I started to push for Tyler (something 4/6 of the other people had already said they'd do), Jamie immediately switched it on to Bryce. I do wish I'd been a little more insistent with making the vote Tyler, but I plan for that to be the plan this round because I'd really like him or Dani gone. Both are well connected, and trying to get Tyler to talk about the game is super difficult because he seems to dance around the subject a lot. Dani is probably a common target that my alliance of 7 (sydney, Jamie, myself, Jared, Chelsea, Szymon, Audrey) could agree on, but other than Tyler and Cali, I don't think she has many other alliances, and I just don't see the point in voting out someone who is probably on the bottom. Tyler is not on the bottom, and he has good alliances. If we do try to target him this round, I am not going to tell Jake because I don't need him wrecking things again!! sry jake it's for your own good!!!

Anyways, after last round, I really do not want to be seen as someone making waves or leaking info, which I might have been whoops. I think what I'm going to do is just remain very neutral about ideas for votes, more of a background person honestly. I don't intend to play a flashy game here, and I don't want to be someone who makes moves just for the sake of making them. I'd rather let my relationships carry me to the end, which I know sounds goat-y, but if it's intentional is it really that bad??? maybe?? oh well "balegdeh"

- https://vocaroo.com/i/s0iyvaWwCbpO "balegdeh"

- me: replies to everyone instantly so i stop getting called inactive when I LITERALLY message every person in the game

"balegdeh"

- this game is a goddamn mess and ugh im just so over all the lying. if i could recap all the lies that have been told recently i would but im just .... yeah. theres too many, and theyre almost all about me and im jsut so fucking over it and ugh.

from what im hearing, im leaving this week. some people are working to flip it to jakey, but im personally going after szymon. he lied to me. he fucked with me. hE DIDNT LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE HE CROSSED ME. but real talk, he hurt me. and i can understand if it was game, but i told himhe hurt me and he didnt apologize. and until you apologize to me, youre dead to me. point blank.

the numbers may be there to get him out. if they are, and if jennas vote steal works out, thenn hes done. hes leaving. and ill be happy when he does. he still has the audacity to send me snap streaks lmao....... like im so done w/ him. i legit went from him being my #1 to me realizing all he does is talk shit behind my back and im honestly so hurt by that.

if i could get out audrey chelsea or jessica then i would, but i cant get the numbers. i can get the numbers for syz to leave. therefore, i will. thank u, next !

"balegdeh"

- So my position in the game right now is very... strange? Idk like not a lot of people trust me, but I get the sense that people still want me as there vote??? Listen all I know is that me and Jakey are a POWER DUO (unless he’s being fake the entire time)

And ya I’m gonna fuck shit up I guess? I just a beaming ball of confidence right now if u couldn’t tell

"balegdeh"

- So Jess is targeting Dani and Jenna tells me right? So I told Cali, Jake and Dani cuz they want an alliance with us 5. So Dani (once again) is telling people and I’m like girl shut the fuck up tf are you trying to make sure you go home? AND then Dani gives me the answer to the idol and then I get a grid for it and I’m highkey thinking of telling Jamie and Syd to re-earn trust with at least Jamie so fuck it I’m spilling tea PERIODT

Also Jenna has a vote steal that she can only play on Kisimul members which means she can use it on Dani or Szy and she’s obviously gonna use it on Szy but child the way my alliance is going one of them may fuck it up but hopefully (and I’m praying hella hard) things go according to plan 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

"balegdeh"

- okay so its been a long time since a confessional so ill just cover the main stuff.

I FOUND A DOUBLE IDOL. this can be used until the final 8. so far i only told sydney/jared bc theyre my dream f3 but i might also tell audrey at some point?? not sure!! secondly tyler is fucking driving me crazy. like okay u trust sydney and not me? k thats fine have fun being 12th. honestly he might be 12th bc of it but i guess thatll be on him bc ive had his back the whole time and he hasnt told me about all the chats he was in last round. okay quick update, i was halfway thru writing this when i tried to flip the plan and it didnt work. TYLER WHEN U READ THIS IM SORRY AND I TRIED TO SAVE U BUT COULDNT.

anyway ya so idk what else happened and im feeling triggered and szymon better fckn watch his back. ACCUSING ME OF LEAKING? WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS WHEN HE'S A RENOWNED LEAKER LMFAOOO. in addition im working on relationships w/ jenna and dani xxx

"balegdeh"

- Day 26 Confessional

"balegdeh"

- https://www.instagram.com/p/BqSv1E4HYsX/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=zr3as6bh6e6n "balegdeh"

- I'm sorry but Sydney is such weaksauce like she's a nice girl don't get me wrong

but like how the fuck are you gonna try to pretend like you didn't just vote tyler when its SO FUCKING OBVIOUS

from one snitch to another, give up the shit girl fdsfsd

Like seriously the whole "I don't think going to rocks is logical for me right now" is SHIT?

NO. THE WHOLE "I JUST VOTED FOR TYLER AND EVERYONE CAN TELL BUT IM GOING TO PRETEND TO BE A MASTERMIND AND JUST VOTE HIM OUT WITHOUT ANYONE BEING MAD AT ME LOL GIGGLES"

Keep SINGING to jamies NOTES, because Jamie has you HOOKED.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk lol "balegdeh"

- The vote reveal last round was honestly.. the most stressed I've ever been in this org. The only times I've gotten more than one vote at a tribal in my history, I got idoled so I didn't need to worry. But this tribal I was freaking out and was so sure it'd be me but thankfully I survived and the feeling after that is just amazing. I'm really glad I was working on my relationship with Szymon and trying to come off as a thirsty gay in hopes he'd underestimate me and want to """"use me"""" so I'd like to think that helped me stay since he was the one to make the alliance to go against the one of Dani and the rest, which I love. I have my guard up so I don't trust anyone in this game 100% but all of the people in it I love and trust a good amount. I feel like some of them had to of known more last round or leaked some stuff but they still chose to vote with me so I'm not mad, I'll still keep my eye open though. Something I'm still really curious about is how I ended up being the target because I keep getting told different stories. Dani claims Jake came up with it last second while Jake claims he was told it last second and it's just a toss up at this point. Jake lying makes more sense than Dani lying because I had already voted her and made it clear I wasn't working with her, but still she could just be trying to start drama. I will say though if Jake really did turn the vote to me he's seriously an idiot and a crackhead. I was probably the person most willing to work with him and I didn't even want him out, I just preferred him going if I had to choose between him and Chelsea. But either way, he still voted me so Glamis Strong will not be a thing in the future and me/Chelsea is the superior Glamis Duo. Being out first during Touchy Subjects is kinda iconic. I like being hated on just because it gives me more passion in proving people wrong and eventually defeating them. Jenna got really pissed off about my joke when I was like "I can't believe the inactive got me out" despite it just being a joke towards her being the only one not on for the challenge and everyone describing her to me as "inactive" at the start of the merge. So, she messaged me and was being sassy so I was sassy back. Eventually though I decided to be the bigger person and apologized just because I'm trying to look long term and fix my past mistakes with my game. It's not fully there but it's progress. I've decided to just take a more backseat role with this vote as long as it's one of the people that voted me because all I care is that one of them goes. Along with that, I got the chance to give up my vote to get an envelope and even though I realllyyyy wanted it, I just thought it was too risky because I want to prove my loyalty to my group and I don't want to have my whole game be ruined just because of greed.