I Have Sinned/Confessionals

Day 11
"cordoba"

- And Jenn is gone and tbh, I'm not mad at that decision because she was the reason I went out in HvV and she can just go especially before merge where she's more than capable of beating these challenges so like I said: she can go to the VL and not be a nuance for me to deal with in the future.

"formosa"

- last night I got so emo that there wasn't a swap and my trigger-inducing challenge from hell appeared that I told my closest ally if he needed to sell me down the river I understood it. Then he was like "screw that". Sometimes you need someone to call you an idiot to getcha getcha getcha head back in the game.

"formosa"

- My amazing game just keeps getting better, I'm getting votes now! Pretty sure I was almost voted off last night lol so that's just wonderful. I knew Jennifer was going to go home, but to my knowledge it was going to be unanimous on her and then Jennifer voting Ally. But to my surprise I have a heart attack when I see my name pop up three times, as the vote was split on me. I don't exactly what happened there but I can tell you one thing, I fucking hate every single person on this tribe(besides Ally). Alissa, Jake, Mackie, Justin, and Joey can all go fuck themselves, I mean they need ME to be the one who 'makes jenn feel secure enough to not play an idol' (she never was) and ask me for information on her and then turn around to throw votes on me? Okay. But the worst part is that almost every single one of them deny what happened. Justin at least never talked to me, so thanks for not lying after tribal only before so fuck him. Joey and Alissa are all like ""oh I had no idea you were getting votes! D:"" Really? How dumb do these people think I am, Joey is Justin's partner and Justin and Alissa are really close. Three people just don't randomly vote differently out of nowhere, if me and Ally voted differently it would've been 3 on me and 3 on Jenn, which is a split vote. They all knew what was happening all along and for some reason expect me to be dumb enough to believe it? It's taking all the will power in me right now not to call them out on it now but if we lose again no promises lol. Mackie is putting in a lot of work to try and gain my trust back and as much as I wanna tell him to go away because I know exactly what he's trying to do, I do need him right now since we didn't swap. I'm gonna stir up as much shit as possible and make as much paranoia about that idol so that hopefully that stupid alliance will break up and me and Ally are still here another day, and the best part is even if we lose I have my idol so I can still save myself.

"cordoba"

- There's no Tribe Swap! I'm glad because I don't want to have to deal with reintegration with new people at least not on my birthday, that's not something I want to have to so... blam.

So we have a selfies challenge and I'm usually pretty good at these because I usually just go to Walmart and I can just go to town on these, but this one is a bitch and a half since the point distribution can double based on Blood Oath partners which means that while we can get all these points, if the other tribe get less than us but they get the blood oath bonus, they can win just for the bonuses which is not the way Id like to lose this challenge by any means. Also my eyes were violently assaulted when some hobo was ass naked at the Walmart parking lot and presumably taking a crap on the parking lot... At least I can't say this birthday wasn't eventful, that's for sure. Also, I MUST FIND THAT GODDAMN IDOL!!!!!

So we're doing the challenge and I myself was able to get 16/26 items on my own, which in a normal game would be amazing but in this game, it's pairs that get you your biggest possible outcome. That means that I have to rely on Amanda to get the same 16 items I got, which unfortunately she wasn't able to and it means that a lot of my work was for nothing and that sucks a lot ughhh. It's fine tho because she's still an awesome partner and I want to see the two of us succeed in this game. I would just really like to win more challenges and keep avoiding Tribal cause these vacations from Tribal have been great so far and I want to keep those up for as long as I can at this point.

We won! That's awesome because for one, I don't have to deal with the anxiety and the overwhelming nature of having to go to Tribal Council and have to vote someone out and on top of that I don't have to deal with people blowing me up (like in the sense of blowing up my phone) and the other plus side of winning this challenge is now Cordoba has the numerical advantage once again since the first vote and we're up 8-7 on Formosa which is good, it'll mean that we can have some wiggle room for a while and just not have to deal with voting each other off so I think in the end, everything is gonna come up roses for me and my game for the time being since I think my spot in the tribe is pretty good and I don't necessarily want to say that I feel comfortable, but I feel good at this point because I've proven my worth to the tribe so I don't think that I'd be someone that would be targeted anytime soon, which is what I want, it'll mean that I get to stay in this game that much longer and that much more successful this return run for me will be and that's basically all I want in this game

"formosa"

- i don’t trust Joey at this point, he’s talking to both sides and trying to play us all, i really wanted to work with him but i at this point i don’t really care if he goes.

Day 12
"formosa"

- help me lord for i have sinned... it's been a lifetime since i last confessed... literally. okay so i was really FKING nervous last tribal because i knew jennifer was pushing my name and it was also brought to my attn by mackie that justin wanted to split votes on me, not syd, and he diverted it which i super appreciate. right now my closest allies are definitely syd and mackie, and i'm also rly tight with alissa and kind of close with jake. alissa and mackie are definitely the two people i have the biggest personal bonds with and i wouldn't be comfortable voting for either them or syd this TC especially. i definitely feel weaker with aaron gone mostly because he was passing my name around like a fking hot potato while he was here and making deals on my behalf and i wish i would've told him to cut it out sooner tbh bc i feel like my game is still suffering but whatever it's time for a #comeback. i'd really love to get justin out this TC just because i know he thinks he's in charge, he has an idol, and he doesn't care if i leave or not. he has shown 0 interest in working w/ me. claudia would also be an ok vote just bc she's never here and she doesn't do so hot in challenges. but she has at least shown an internet in working closely w/ me, so like i'm more inclined to want to keep her even if it's riskier honestly. if it has to be her, though, then i'm on board. better her than me. i have to remember to keep that in mind even when it comes to syd/mackie/alissa. it's better them than me and i'll do anything to stay even if it means voting for my friends. i've told both alissa and syd i'll never write their name down but i can't tell the future. me first no matter what.

"formosa"

- I'm going to get video's going hopefully I've been super busy. This is moreso a quick update on this tribal because It's a shitty one.

Sydney's on the chopping block. But I pulled together a Sydney me Ally alliance. Just in case. i think we need to cut her off, but there's potential for a game changing move to be made here. I just don't think the timing is right. Part of the reason being, Justin would vote for me to win. If I cut him now he isn't on jury.

I have the 6 still. I have Alissa n Jake. I have Ally, but she might be pissed unless I tell her. I want to try and make this out into a ""the numbers aren't there situation."" Ideally we swap next round because I can win to a second swap. Or if I'm in the majority tank one get a number for them out. I promise I won't leave you guys with blue balls. I know I've stuck loyal to my allies for now, but made some interesting blindsides happen, I will pull out all the stops when the time is right. I want to do shit that will make people piss their fuckin pants.

i need to stop wtigin these while im baked

"formosa"

- And in the oddly silent early hours before the storm, a hero sheds a tear. He ponders if his friends have all abandoned him and if he must finally make his long walk alone. "Is today my day?" he asks himself, but the words turn to dust before they've left his mouth. Because he has gonorrhea.

"formosa"

- I may or may not be screwed tonight, I have an idol that I really think I have to use but I don't know if I should. It would be absolutely stupid for people like Joey Mackie and Jake to keep someone in who doesn't even talk to them like Claudia just because they are probably aligned through Alissa, as opposed to me who has good and working relationships with all of them. It sucks because I know I'm the one on the hot seat so I think if I just cause enough chaos and paranoia, and show that I'm not going to go out quietly, I'm not just gonna sit there and let you guys vote me out, that maybe they could throw me a bone.

Mackie and Jake have both shown interest in keeping me and Ally around, and they should for reasons explained. I know they wanted to go for Justin, and I'm playing up the whole ""I don't want to vote him incase he plays his idol"", but in reality the real reason I want Claudia gone is for two reasons. One is obvious she doesn't talk to me and at least Justin I feel like is rat enough where if we get swapped into minority he'll crawl up my ass for numbers whereas Claudia will just go to the other tribe. The other is to weaken Alissa. I really like Alissa and think we could get along great together, but she's in a really good position on this tribe. Jake and Mackie both feel close to her, Ally feels close to her, Justin and her are close, and she has Claudia in her back pocket. The girl is way too set up on this tribe and we need to start cutting her ankles. I don't want to play the idol but if I get even a whiff of what's going on I'm playing that thing so fast.

"formosa"

- Everyone wants Syd out and there's nothing I can do about it ): Bring her back for second chances pls

"formosa"

- And this was the day that Syd Jung Un blew up the world.

"formosa"

- WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so me and mackie scramble all FUCKING afternoon trying to FUCKING save FUCKING syd and she doesn't FUCKING tell us she has an idol but she makes me PROMISE not to vote so i don't and then just over an hour before the due time she's like "I HAVE AN IDOL VOTE CLAUDIA" and i'm like WHAT THE FUCUCUCUUCUCK and i scatter and i talk to joey alissa and mack and joey wants me to vote claudia and alissa wants me to throw a vote on joey and mack wants to Let Me Make My Own Decisions (what does he think i am, an adult???) and finally i throw a vote on joey and THAT BITCH. THAT FUCKING BITCH. USES THE IDOL. THAT SHE DIDN'T FUCKING TELL US ABOUT. SHE ISN'T ACTUALLY A FUCKING BITCH I LOVE SYD BUT I HIGHKEY STRESSED ALLLLLLLLLLLL DAY OVER THIS!!!!!!!! I'M SO MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway it's a tie and i'm just going to sit here and pray! and have more heart attacks. i need a doctor.

"formosa"

- Sydney is so irritating, she’s pressed that an alliance was formed… did she think we were all gonna hold hands and pray or…? She needs a reality check, no one is taking her seriously after her huge meltdown. She went from nice to cunt in 0.3 seconds, i hate catty girls and shes the type of bitch who's mad when other girls succeed. She has it out for Claudia and i.

"formosa"

- I totally overplayed and now I'm fucked. I pitched my best defense I could give but I really think I'm done. Kudos to Ally for that honestly, can't blame her, she did what she had to do to save herself.

"formosa"

- I didn't know it was possible to go from feeling so happy and elated to so down and defeated, actually that's a lie this is November 8th all over again. BUT, while I'll never feel worse then I did then, today is up there. Joey is gonna go home because of me, he put himself out there and I got backstabbed by not only the spineless liars Mackie and Jake, but by my supposed #1 ally Ally. There all liars and all put their trust in Alissa, so I hope she votes them all out which there basically letting her do. I don't know if Mackie and Jake still think I'm dumb, and are trying to play off that they didn't totally play me for a day, but they should be smart enough to know I know what they did. Mackie was going on and on about how he tried, I'm sorry what?? The votes WERE there, you chose to back out. Ally is so oblivious and so easily manipulated at this point I really can't keep trying to group her along with me, especially after she basically chose Alissa over me by voting Joey. I cannot believe she sold out the only person actually willing to help us, just because Alissa(who I've explained to her is running the tribe) told her to.

That's another thing, Alissa is such a mean girl. I thought we were cool and respectful, but apparently she's been going around talking about me behind my back a lot. She's laughed at me and called me a bunch names, like bitch. In my regular day life I get extremely offended if anyone uses the word bitch, it's such a put down derogatory word for women and I just hate it when one girl calls another girl that. Justin talks down to me like all the time and apparently Joey too, and him telling the three on the block to plea for their lives was DISGUSTING. I really regret not voting for him now. Her and Justin walk around here like they own the place, but at least shes smart enough to not do it openly. You don't realize how good you have something til it's gone, and I really miss Jennifer oddly enough. I didn't realize until she was gone how nice it was to have someone I could trust wholeheartedly like that around, so now I feel bad about that too. I'm a dead girl walking so basically unless we win immunity I'm done, that is if they don't throw it.

"formosa"

- Please let there be a swap. Please. Please. I might leave but I'm dying to play a new game. I just want a fresh slate. I don't even care, swap me alone, disadvantaged or worse yet with just Sydney trying to slay me or just Claudia not responding to my messages. Just give me something new.

"cordoba"

- Playing the social game is getting a bit tedious at this point, like I'm not gonna stop playing it, but it's hard to maintain it cause at a certain point these people get on your nerves and it's like, I want to meet Sydney, like she seems like a cool chick and I want to meet Jake because that guy seems hilarious and it's like I've met these people and now I want to meet more. Like if we were to swap, is be cool with my girls claudaddy and alisdaddy but I dunno keeping the social game going is tough work but I'm up for putting the work in to win this game cause I mean, I've got nothing better to do.

So if I'm not gonna be finding this idol anytime soon so I mean why not have a little bit of fun and plant a fake idol just for shits and giggles because I'm highkey bored and I need some entertainment.

Seeds are planted, here's hoping someone uncovers the secrets of Gary Hogeboom

"cordoba"

- Omg, winning 3 challenges in a row has been nice on all of us as a tribe. I've stuck my neck out on the line and really did my best to provide for them over the last few challenges so I feel like I adequately proved my worth to the tribe. Ever since my blood oath was voted off, I've always felt a little weary about me possibly being a target. My realtionship with Alex and Amanda is still strong, I have a good personal bond with Shannon and I'm slowly beginning to trust Catherine more too. Soon enough there should be a swap coming so I need to be prepared for any situation. This idol is like a condom, it's gonna protect me from the STIs these tribemates are trying to infect me with. Jake's jury speech on Sichuan has really opened my eyes to spreading of STIs and it is my responsibility as an individual to avoid such calamities.

"formosa"

- Blood on my Hands