Board Thread:Season 45 - Molise/@comment-32230720-20180222160639/@comment-33629256-20180222185840

Our entire relationship was not based on lies. Our friendship was truthful and I have masses of respect for you as a parent and as a person. I think you're a great person and that is what initially drew me to want to work with you in The Resistance. However, from a strategic perspective, I tried to play every single side and part of that required lying to literally everybody. It gave me almost infinite numbers of options and that was something I needed if I wanted to give myself the route I wanted to final tribal council.

As a result of that, a lot of our strategic conversations had lying involved, mostly lying through omission. But I rarely explicitly lied to you until the very end of our alliance. I told you where I was voting every single time until your elimination and for the most part, told you my strategic thinking. But if I wanted to continue playing both sides, I could not tell you about the idols I had or the secret alliance with Jordan. That would compromise my entire game and would have been a major criticism here at final tribal council.

From a strategic perspective, I did use your vote as a way to advance myself. However I never actually used you as a person. I thought (and still think? although I'm question it because of your question to Marty) we had a genuine friendship that was both true inside and outside the game. To me, and I'm now realising that this is probably not the same for you and I apologise deeply for that, I ended our alliance and strategic working relationship by voting you but not our friendship.

I am genuinely sorry if I hurt you and did not have those intentions at all, the same for Jordan, Nat or anybody else. My intentions in this game were to play to the best of my abilities and that involved having every bit of information I could get and I needed the strategic relationships to get that. From the heart, I believe I played this game the best I could and if I misjudged the personal element and you feel as though I used you, I am sorry for that. In some ways I viewed this game very robotically and in others I viewed it emotionally, I had a dichotomy of myself where I had these great friendships with people I felt blessed to have been in the same season as, and yet to win the game I signed up to win, I had to vote them.

I hope that you are not too mad at me. I'd love your vote, not just because of the effort I put into this over 2 months but because out of the 3 sitting at final tribal, I believe I played better socially, strategically and physically, but I'd also love your friendship after the game ends, the same for Jordan. I need you to know that I did not mean to hurt you and that was never my intention at all. I hope our friendship is still valid after this experience.