Board Thread:Season 37 - Archetypes/@comment-24553600-20161213192225/@comment-24114312-20161214044709

I’m screaming at your speech because it honestly made me smile so much so ty for all the kind words! Even if I lose or you don’t vote me or whatever, I appreciate the speech a lot and I specifically left it as the one I wanted to reply to last, which I’ll cover at the end.

‘People who didn’t interact with you for one second and didn’t know who you even were, were against you’ — yeah I think this is something which hasn’t really been touched upon. I never helped myself in regards to my target, but coming in, a LOT of people were already against me that had never met me. Like Ally Day 1 told people that they needed me out, that just didn’t happen for other people and the fact I was able to outlast all of that I think is impressive.

‘you never relied on anyone but yourself’ — again, I feel like this has been ignored this TC due to my poor social plays getting a lot of the focus. I used relationships that I had existing for my benefit because who wouldn’t? BUT, I didn’t RELY on them. I never had them pre-merge, at least not up until the final swap, and at merge I never blindly followed them. I wasn’t just some pre-game whore who relied on people with pre-games, instead I ventured out and my closest ally was someone that I was not close to before the game.

‘You fought harder than anyone in this game to get where you’re at’ — I agree with this too. I feel like Brett had a lot of the game come to him very easy and I didn’t. I DEFINITELY did not help myself, but regardless, I think very few people would’ve been able to last this long considering the positions I found myself in, and how many people were targeting me, and yet I still kept majority for almost all of the merge.

‘you turned into MegaBitch sometimes’ — yeah this is where my biggest flaw is. I can get carried away and very ott in regards to some stuff which needs to be toned down on here and also irl.

‘you didn’t [rely on physical game] which is sooo impressive’ — yes, this returns back to the point I’ve made multiple times where people have said that I relied on immunities and items. I simply didn’t - apart from the F10 TC, I never really stood much chance of being eliminated. Even on original Hizoku, had we gone to TC I would’ve survived tribal and so I didn’t need to beast all of those challenges which I did.

‘Your social game sucked with the other side’ — it definitely did and that was a huge issue I find myself facing now. A LOT of the people on this season dislike me and it’s through no one’s fault apart from my own. And if I lose due to this very mistake then I deserve to lose. Now onto the main bulk of what I wanted to say:

I wanted to reply to this last because I just wanted to address everything that happened between us. In Rome, you would’ve fallen on the sword for me at FTC, and then when the roles were reversed and you were the one that would’ve won, I failed you. I think it’s an aspect of my personality which has come to the forefront throughout this game and it’s one of selfishness. It was evident with Chris when I didn’t give him a chance to campaign, it was evident in my entitlement but it was also evident with you, and it’s a trait that I really need to get rid of. And due to our pre-existing relationship and how much our final ORGs meant, it’s difficult for me to just be like ‘yeah it was a game lol!’ when I know what it meant to you (although you do have BB10 so do well in that bitch!).

As for telling Chris everything, it was out of a place where I wasn’t sure what to do. I’d created a situation where you were both coming after each other and what I really wanted was for both of you to wait a bit and go after each other later in the game, but it never really panned out like that due to me playing you off each other. I did fuck you over though by telling Chris a lot. I told him you were going after him at F10 because the original plan was that, and then I did actually amend that to him and say that you were going after Emile instead and wanted Chris out at about F9 or F8. I don’t know if Chris has told you otherwise in jury but after the game, I can pull up the messages where I did that. I told Chris that when it was the case because I wanted him to save himself with immunity or through pulling a group together and voting Brett, say. But it was never anti-you and always pro-Chris, although by being pro-Chris I inadvertently became anti-you.

For you caring more about me than I care about you, it’s definitely true in a game sense but in a personal sense it is not true whatsoever. I really don’t like talking about personal feelings towards friendships and stuff on an open forum, especially with the insincerity of Final Tribal Council but I would really like to talk to you after the season because I do NOT care less for you personally. In the game, I did care less for you than you cared for me and that wasn’t a nice thing to do, it was also a flaw in my gameplay because you had my back 100% and I lost someone early in the merge that would’ve been looking out for me all the way. I didn’t vote you, but that also doesn’t change the fact that I definitely handed the ammunition to the person with the gun and I apologise for that. If you’d done it the opposite way I would’ve been pissed so if you want to be pissed at me then do because I feel like, based on the speeches and some self reflection at this TC, I was a bitch and somewhat deserve it.

For the celebration after you going, I was fucking delusional at that point in the game which everyone has addressed. I really was like, clueless, as to how the game was working and how everything was being perceived and a few votes later, well actually the immediate vote after when Ash went, I snapped right back and began to become much more focused and less of a mess. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t a mess, I definitely was in regards to paranoia and stuff, but I wasn’t delusional in quite the same way. And in confessionals, I wasn’t celebratory. I was at first because I had an initial thought of ‘ha! karma’, but I began to realise that it wasn’t karma whatsoever, it was you being forceful to wake me up which I needed, and I’ve got now, and if I would have just listened to you at Final 9 and done it then, then I would’ve stood a much better chance of winning. I know this sounds all kissass-y which is why I hate the insincerity of FTC and really would prefer to discuss this after the vote, but at the same time if I don’t address it now then you won’t vote for me so it’s a hard issue to judge.

I just want to apologise though for not being you in Rome, in how you would’ve gone to the end and willingly lost. If I could redo this game, I think that would be one of the things I’d change — the parchment and my relationship in regards to you. It was very short-sighted and self-absorbed and um.. yeah.

Thank you for the speech though and even if you don’t vote me, you’re amazing and I value your friendship very very very very very highly and I appreciate you for not being too bitter or angry at me because this game brought out a lot of my worst characteristics. And ty for the flattering saying that ‘nongame Jamie is great to talk to’ because I REALLY don’t want people watching or people in this season to judge me based on game me. Game me is a complete bitch and it’s like Abi-Maria where Survivor just brings out the worst in her and she becomes a paranoid ott mess, but remove Survivor from the equation and she’s really liked and a nice person and fun to be around. These games make me really competitive and a bitch and to Sora and everyone (even including Ash #shocker), just sorry that you had to deal with game me and everything that goes with it. It truly doesn’t represent normal me as Sora would know and yeah.

ANYWAY, THIS IS MY LAST JURY POST AND I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO EVERYONE AND IF I LOSE THEN I LOSE, IF I WIN THEN I WIN (ALTHOUGH THIS IS UNLIKELY), BUT IT WON’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT THIS ORG HAS BEEN A BLAST AND I HAVE ENJOYED IT DESPITE THE CONSTANT UP AND DOWNS. I feel like it’s very fitting for me to be ending the season at 5am, typing up some huge jury speech due to my timezone which CONSTANTLY fucked me over and has made most of my life for the past month and a bit so stressful due to getting pretty much no sleep! So yeah, ty everyone and good luck Brett & Jared and um pls vote for me!