I Dip My Torch in Fire/Confessionals

Day 25
"saira"

- Cali is the best example why pre-merge jurors are a bad idea. She finished this game without ever being on the same tribe with 5 out the 11 contestants left, and never even attending tribal coucil with 3 of them (Amelia, Molly and Mihai). There's a good chance she never had a single conversation with these people, and now imagine this will be the final three and she has to vote for one of them to win. "Oh you all played well... but, who are you people?"

"saira"

- We finally merged, and as always people started virtually hugging and congratulating each other, as if the 14 remaining days of this game aren't going to be a terrible bloodbath. But what was totally irritating for me was the decision on the merged tribe's name. These people have the audacity to suggest nonexistent "Arabic words" when they know I can actually tell it's bullshit, but they don't seem to care. What can say? typical ignorant Americans with absolutely no respect to a language and culture they don't know anything about. I spent 6 years studying Arabic which is one of the most beautiful and hard languages to exist, and I'm personally offended when it's being ridiculed like that. In case they actually come up with a legit Arabic word eventually, at least ask me before you make another buff or insignia with the letters being written in the wrong direction again.

"saira"

- Kevinnn.gif

"saira"

- Hi hello I am sorry I have been quiet, but here’s the scoop. This tribe swap is dumb and almost fucked up the hell over because bariq sucks ass (sorry) but at least they got to vote joan tf off :~) although so far they’ve almost been completely decimated (oops) new school is trying to save them. Speaking of new school, there’s only 4 of us left, literally because of us. See, we wanted Jamie the f*ck out because she’s a snakey bench (love u) so we left kevin and sam in the dark and teamed up with old school at the last joint tribal and took her out in a 6-2-2 vote, leaving middle school voting in the minorities. I wasn’t surprised when Sam and Kevin re-sided with middle school in the pick, but that came back to bite them in the ass :~) the great amazing undefeatable Qahtan lost CUBEFIELD of all challenges, which meant that we got to keep Yap and the last 2 old schoolers in this game in hopes they’ll stick with us at the merge. Idk if Kevin and Sam will right now, because it would be smart for them to or else they’d be risking minority. Sam def has that idol tho [10:23:37 PM] Ricky - Trivia Crack Goddess: I told her kevin told me she had the idol [10:23:41 PM] Ricky - Trivia Crack Goddess: And she admitted it lol [10:23:52 PM] Ricky - Trivia Crack Goddess: She said she wants to tell you

So….. yeah. Unloyal hoe tbh but it doesn’t matter bc I’m gonna cut that bitch anyway and it’s gonna be great. So on to another middle schooler… Yap. This is complicated because apparently we’re a showmance. I don’t really like this but if it means New School gets to keep his vote and I especially stay out of the Middle School firing squad…. Fine. Whatever, but I’m not sold (sorry Yap) basically I’m a huge jerk but what else am I supposed to do idk. I have no idea who our target is right now but I think I want Ridgeway out so now it’s time to make Ricky think the same thing. Also why do I only have 1 vote against me I wanted to beat Kamchatka but I guess I’m just too amazing :/

"saira"

- The past few rounds I have to say working with Molly has been a huge headache... I have started to talk to Sam more and I really have invested a lot into my conversations with her. The thing is I know Sam and I could get a long. I think we could get a long way better then my relationships with almost everyone left. She is a gamer, she gets into the game and she thinks logically. I really think this is someone I can strategize with and even though I think she is close to Mollly, I am pretty sure I could get in the middle of this and really work out a good game relationship.

"saira"

- Sam having the idol: CONFIRMED! Any trust that I had in her has just blown out the fucking window. I told her about my idol and tried to help her find it because i genuinely wanted to work with her, but it seems like everything i've done to try and build up some trust has completely blown up in my face. She went to amelia with news about my idol and still hasn't told me about her idol (I found out from Molly bc Molly is amazing) so I'm done trying. No sense putting my trust in someone who has no intention of returning it.

But i'll keep up the act that i'm oblivious and hammered and that i trust her to work with me smile emoticon At least the fact that she thinks I'm oblivious might mean that she'll be less inclined to take me out early on.

"saira"

- also wtf are these tribe names like why are we choosing the name?? it's gonna be a train wreck name and I'm NOT here for this

"saira"

- so like molly and i just slipped up and sam heard us talking about her idol reveal stuff so lmao whoopsies! Also i finally got added to this chat that had like all the new schoolers and Sam and Kevin but not me??? Like???? Thanks guys 4 including me finally!

Day 26
"saira"

- Molly is annoying the freaking hell out of me. I feel like everytime we talk game we sort of butt heads. I really think I am good at survivor... I know everyone does, and I think even though I come across pretty abrasive, that people tend to have a hard problem figuring me out game wise. I mean I could be an easy target, but I barely am -- and I have good ideas... Molly doesn't think so, Amelia is akwardly in the middle, and Tyler. P han't been on as much lately. I just really want to be on the same page and its hard. Recently I have created an alliance with Sam, and I started working on another with Tyler. R! The goal right now is to figure out which one is being truthful and who I think I can work with for the rest of the game. The problem is this! Molly and Amelia want to target Sam. I don't want Sam to go. So I need to figure out what to do..

"saira"

- Thank the lord the challenge changed and now I have a chance to win maybe possibly. Wednesday night/thursday morning is not a good time to do a 24 hour challenge! I'm hoping whatever i score will be competitive enough. I definitely do not want to get 11th, especially now that I have the idol back in my possession.

Day 27
"saira"

- kevin... Episode11conf1.gif

"saira"

- we might be trying to vote sam out but i dont think thats the best thing for my game right now??? im nnot sure

"saira"

- Episode11conf2.jpg

"saira"

- 'Nicki Minaj and Plan B' okay SO. after essentially being a driftless pony in this game, i think i'm finally starting to go somewhere. i think i'm back on track. first of all, the challenge was..........a fun experience. it escalated rather quickly, which i was not expecting tbh, and the saira tribe as a whole (hosts included) was a little bit traumatized. i wish we could just eat a cake made of rainbows and be happy. but on the bright side i did get several things out of it: a notebook page filled with scribble marks, a pen wrapped in 62 rubber bands, a five-link paper chain, and an adorable snapchat from mj. :') cathartic. it did kind of suck that jessy got immunity, though, because we were pretty much planning to vote her out this round. so after all the drama and sporcle and hearing ricky complain every five minutes about everything, i was trying to figure out what we were gonna do for the vote, and i was like, "you know what....we should vote sam out". and then i was like, "yeah, i'm gonna make it happen. i'm gonna get sam voted out." because - okay, here's the thing - i love sam, i really do. she's fantastic and i want to be able to play the game with her, but right now, it's just not really possible or logical because she has been playing way too many sides from day one and she's not been trying to hide it at all, and like she wants her friends to all be safe but it's honestly jeopardizing our alliance's position in the game and that just isn't going to fly. plus, she's really good at challenges, especially flash games (which i think are due to increase their appearances very soon), and she obviously has the idol. (oh by the way, she finally told me and molly that a couple days after merge, and we were like "no shit really" dsasdfghjkjh) so like, considering that she doesn't have immunity right now, it could be one of our only opportunities to take her out before she screws us up because she's got her hand in too many pies. so in pasta town -- our new school alliance chat -- we were talking about what to do, and ricky's like "we have to take out tyler r obviously" and i was like okay and we were on call with sam who wants an old schooler out so we were like alright we just gotta make sure she doesnt know it's tyler r and then i began Operation Sam by going to molly, who is currently my number 1, first: [8:59:53 PM] amelia (team #totallyspentjeff): hello [9:00:05 PM] Molly: im here now [9:00:41 PM] amelia (team #totallyspentjeff): i was gonna tell you one of my ideas earlier but now i think i might just be crackedt so [9:00:54 PM] Molly: tell meeeee [9:01:20 PM] amelia (team #totallyspentjeff): can it be just between us rn [9:01:35 PM] Molly: sure [9:02:04 PM] amelia (team #totallyspentjeff): i was gonna say maybe we should vote out sam dfghjkjhgfd [9:02:09 PM] amelia (team #totallyspentjeff): but it sounds like thats not the ideal plan right now idk [9:02:10 PM] Molly: omg CAN WE [9:02:17 PM] Molly: no I wanna omg [9:02:31 PM] amelia (team #totallyspentjeff): just because like shes probably gonna win immunity a lot [9:02:40 PM] amelia (team #totallyspentjeff): but now she doesnt have it [9:02:52 PM] Molly: she is v good with flash games and puzzles [9:02:56 PM] Molly: I think we could do it [9:03:07 PM] amelia (team #totallyspentjeff): omg [9:04:46 PM] amelia (team #totallyspentjeff): we should talk to ricky/tyler about it maybe [9:04:52 PM] Molly: yeah [9:04:56 PM] Molly: lets run it by them [9:05:02 PM] Molly: I don't see any issues with it though so about 15 minutes later, we escaped the call with sam and went on call in pasta town, and i carefully brought it up with ricky and tyler, and ricky almost immediately was like 'yeah that's really smart' and i think he kind of almost convinced himself that it was his idea to begin with, which i love because it helps with my invisibility thing i've got going on, and we decided that "taking out sam should be our plan A but we should treat it like it's our plan B since we don't know if everyone else is on board with it yet". so now, we just gotta do the other parts of it, which means letting old school know that sam is throwing their names around and that we want to get rid of her, and also talking to yap about it, and also making sam feel safe in our "plan" we made with her which is to split the votes (or something) on old school & make those two feel like they're in the swing vote position between new and middle. ALSO tyler p threw in a brilliant bit where he's acting like he's lowkey pushing for voting kevin, so that she doesn't get paranoid about all of us being like "we're 100% on board with voting out old school" because that just doesnt make sense. also, if she played her idol on kevin, that would be amazing. but anyways. i'm just really psyched about this because if it actually happens, we'd get rid of an idol and a huge immunity threat in one go. it puts my alliance in a fantastic position, and it also puts me in a fantastic position. this would almost definitely guarantee us - me, molly, ricky, tyler p, and yap - final five, because after sam and her idol are gone we can take out tyler r, jessy, kevin, and the old schoolers pretty easily. and for me personally, this is good because it gives me a Big Move that i directly created and can refer to if i (hopefully) get to the end. my plan: look cute and go with the flow of this superstar alliance, having more good ideas & letting other people think they thought of it themselves, and then wait for them to start targeting each other for being bigger threats to win, and then slide into ftc with an adorable smile on my face. what could go wrong? well, as i've learned in these games before, pretty much everything. should be fun, though!

"saira"

- So, this TC will be a crazy one. Everyone is talking to me and amelia told me that sam wants me out, while sam told me that new school wants me out lol. And both of them told me to not tell anyone, so of course there's a lie there. I told my dear Amir everything. About abir, I think we're having our first disagreement, since he thinks we should tell people to vote for yap and I feel like we shouldnt push this too hard since we're not kings on the world, after all. All I want is to stick with middle school for this vote and vote out anyone, but I am between molly and tyler. Molly should go because she is sooooo close with ricky, but she's so weak in challenges, while tyler p is a challenge threat. Jessy also talked to me and said that me, her and amir should make an alliance. I don't buy that, I dont see why anyone would want an old school at the end. It feels weird that everyone keeps asking me things while amir doesnt seem to talk, but he chooses the safe way by not breaking promises to people. I dont know what will happen, but I actually had a dream that yap told everyone to vote me out and he made middle school think he's with them, while he was with ricky and new school but middle school realized it too late. I hope it stays a nightmare. Oh, and Amelia told me that we should vote out sam but keep it a secret, because they think sam has the idol. I dont know if I should tell sam that, I kinda wanna keep it for myself, but amelia might tell sam I said ok, so that would make her not trust me at all.

"saira"

- Getting Yap out turns out to be much harder than I thought. One would've expected both middle and new school to approach me and Mihai and ask us who we want to vote out, considering we're the swing votes. But no, they use the oldest trick in the book telling us that the other alliance is "targeting us", as if it makes any sense to target an alliance of 2 when there are still 11 people left in the game. So we have to play along and pretend as if we buy this bullshit, when the people on the block at the moment are Sam and Molly/Tyler P. Sam appearantly went to the new schools and offered them to target an old school, just so she could go to Mihai and tell him that the new schools want him out. Come on girl, it's exactly the same cheap trick you used on Ricky in the Skandi vote and you honestly expect us to fall for that again? the new schools already made arrangements to vote Sam, so if she's delusional enough to think she is saving Mihai or me, she better get her shit together. We are going to tell her we're voting Yap anyway, because that's what we'll do in order to stay on good terms with both alliances on the next vote. If Sam and the middle schools follow suit and join us, Sam will be spared and Yap will go home 6-5. If not, Sam is out 5-4-2. If Sam plays the idol? well, there's a good chance she will. In that case I hope the rest of the votes are not going my way. The new schools don't seem to care too much about this option, which isn't surprising if they truely believe Sam will target us, it's not a huge loss for them. If they don't realize that middle school are in fact targeting them, we will make them realize it very soon.

"saira"

- i'm sorry, but sometimes I don't understand amir. Molly's plan was to tell middle school to vote me or amir out, while us and new school would vote for sam. And I wanna tell sam because, well, we kinda need her, but amir it's like: wait, let them talk to us, if they dont, we know they're lying. Like seriously? new school told them to vote for us in case sam uses her idol, they dont give a rat's ass about us and he still doesnt know who's lying? I think molly and amelia were pretty stupid for telling me they put our names in their talk with middle school, but I'm done being surprised by this game. I will trust Sam this time because I feel like I should, regardless of what amir wants. He only knows one thing: get yap out. Like chill, dude, there are other threats in this game.

"saira"

- ugh I'm nervous af that I'm gonna be the first merge boot but at the same time I feel like i'm definitely not a big threat to win at this point. Like my chances of winning are probably next to like none right now so why would i go??? But still I feel like it could be me????????? I have the idol but I don't want to use it but I'm scared if I don't then I'll be taken out with it.

I think the plan is to take out Sam but she'll probably use her idol and then we'll be screwed lmao or she'll give it to Jessy maybe. We're all telling Sam we're following her plan but that's to keep her feeling reassured about what we're gonna do. I promised her I wouldn't idol her out and she better not idol me out, so if I remember the pact I think there's a loophole where I can just vote her out without using an idol. Either way she'll be mad I think.

Oh also I want to work with Tyler R.! He's the bomb dot com so if I can work with him that'd be awesome.

"saira"

- Forget everything I said in the last few confessionals, Yap is actually with the middle school so there is no urge to get him out, the problem is that the new school won't even consider voting someone other than Sam, and the worst part is - the idiots actually believe Yap is with them! He just told Sam that they target her and revealed the entire plan. Sam is doing some huge effort to get me to vote with her even though she doesn't need my vote at all, as Mihai is leaning toward voting her way. She claims that Kevin is a swing vote, but isn't willing to vote for him. How can he be a swing vote when he was kept over Cali? how stupid do you think we are? She was willing however to vote for Tyler P, which is not a really bad option considering I never talked to him and he might have the idol. The thing is, we cannot afford an alliance of 5 reach the final 10 by any mean. I hatched a plan to split our votes - I will vote Sam and Mihai will vote Tyler P, so we can confuse them a little and make them believe that only Mihai flipped. This could backfire if we are being played and they just use us for this vote, but I guess we really have no way to be certain. If the new school would agree to vote for someone else, it was open for discussion. Since they don't, they should be tought a lesson.

"saira"

- I AM BAD. I AM SO BAD! Molly and Amelia aren't budging on the vote, not that I am trying too hard... so I ended up telling Sam that if she is in danger I will tell her whats good. I also went to Tyler R and told him what is up but something super revealing happened. Tyler R basically didn't tell me that everyone was voting out Tyler. P... Yap let it slip to me however and I don't thnk he meant to tell me???? My goal is that I am going to go Sam and let her know whats up, and we can blindside Tyler! Smart? Yes??? YES!! I have his Idol. He can go, and it can become my idol!! Feels great to have won immunity, cause with it I won a hidden immunity Idol and I can start making the moves to further my game. I want to trust Sam, she's giving me all the good vibes... I want to continue what I did in rome, BACK TO BACK Tylers!!!!!

"saira"

- According to Sam, Kevin is voting for me. I'm not sure how much I buy that but if it's true then voting for her wouldn't make much sense. Besides, I don't want such a huge vote magnet like Sam out so early and the new school just won't accept it. They are throwing me under the bus, they realized I have the idol (no shit sherlock) and they think they can tell me who to vote for. Sam was not willing to vote for Kevin but at least she asked me who I want to vote for out of the new schools, and guess what I think I just chose Tyler P. These people are truely cocky as fuck, and it's about time they will be put in their place. I will deal with Kevin later.

"saira"

- i'm screaming everything is dead oh my GOD literally 20 minutes after i sent my vote for sam, ricky is like "sam knows" and it alllll descended into chaos. right now he's on call with her apparently, trying to figure out what happened / fix it because literally three of us voted already and theres nothing else we can do we don't have another option right now. i just???? god. tyler thinks it might have been yap playing both sides, which would really piss me off because he just made a "goat alliance" with me 5 minutes ago; the other possibility is that it was one of the old schoolers, probably amir imo, but that's just so dumb for them to do???? UGH i'm really annoyed right now because this is going to be a mess and i honestly have no idea what i'm going to do if she doesn't go home. right now my only thought is, can we make it go to rocks? we need to figure out who middle school is gonna vote for if ricky doesnt fix this with sam and we need to play the idol on them and then i dont even know what the numbers would be but i would so fucking go to rocks for this. pls. god this is just awful and im about to leave in a little while so i literally can't deal with it dsdfghjkjmhghf

"saira"

- Oh boy, it's merge time!! The first night is just us thinking of a tribe name. I take that as a day off. Sam messages me again asking to talk, I unfortunately had to blow her off because I was too busy. The next day I get a message from Molly that Sam has the idol (LOL already know that). But apparently that's what she wanted to talk about. She had to go around telling everyone cause she now just found out that Kevin leaked that info out.

So when Sam and I talk, she reveals that info to me and I'm like Emotikon gasp (faking it.. kinda. idk if she believed it). We kinda hash things out even more, how I don't like how tight Shehr is, and I feel like me and her are on the outs. Like we will be #7 or #6 if we stick with Shehr, and they have a lot of options.

Well that whole mess of that damn immunity challenge happened, and in the end Jessy and Ricky are immune. Okay. DOWN TO BUSINESS.

Sam is able to talk to Amir and Mihai, and they agree that Shehr seem like a tight quatro, so it seems that they are on our side with voting out a Shehr. The thing is, they doubt me because it's widely known about my connection with Ricky. Sure we met in the game, but at this point I'm trying my all to convince some people in the game that I'm no longer attaching myself to him, all the meanwhile not trying to have work go back to those 4.

It's like this silly back n' forth, where I pretty much say the right things to Sam, who has to be the middle woman for my talks with Amir and Mihai. For whatever reason it couldn't be simpler, and they just don't trust me. Even after stories matched up and they saw I was telling the truth, they still doubted me.

Now I didn't wait until the last possible moment to vote. Like it was so intense. We kept Kevin out of the loop cause that fool can't be trusted with sensitive information. He's voting Amir, and everyone knows about, and completely disregards it. This group chat is made and Amir and Mihai demand that they want to vote for Po because they feel like they have loyalty to the other Shehr members from a past tribal. Okay whatever, all we need is to take out one of them.

So middle + old at this point know I'm voting Po with them, and new is messaging me and I'm confirming with them I'm voting Sam. New schoolers know that middle is voting Po, and Ricky last minute tells Sam to play her idol because Po had such a bad feeling he passed his idol to the one person who was safe and on his side, Ricky. So power hungry he is, he tries to flush the idol + take someone out so he can keep the idol to himself. Well...

Po goes out 6-4-1 regardless... and it becomes clear to everyone else in the game that I'm the one that flipped. I mean.. Amir and Mihai too right?? But I get the most heat.

Po, Amelia, Molly, and Ricky instantly message me after the votes were revealed. That's another story for the next confessional.