Board Thread:Season 14 - Madagascar/@comment-7123402-20140318013427

Alright everyone! I have the results! We had our lovely host Gerda judge the stories. She is at college right now studying Literature and English. She is also a talented and frequent writer so she is well versed in storytelling! She judged them all with no bias.

Here's what Gerda said for each of our eight submissions:

1. Was the clock used?

2. Was "I've got a bad feeling about this!" used?

Sam

1 - yes

2 - yes

It was way too short to really be a story.

Trace

1 - yes. Love that it was consistently used throughout the story, that it was a symbol on its own.

2 - yes, fit very nicely into the story

Very good grammar, spotted only a few tiny typos. Used some words a bit much (such as "happy" in the end) and some small comma mistakes, which are still insignificant compared to the rest of the story which is grammatically correct.

Nicely written, just like a short story should be. Has a twist in the end too!

Jay

1 - yes

2 - yes

Mostly really good grammar, although some mistakes with punctuation marks and some tiny typos. Overused some words a bit much and the thoughts of the main character should have been organized a bit better. Good short story, twist in the end! Definitely unexpected ending.

Eddie

1 - yes

2- yes

Too short to be really characterised as a short story. Was nicely written though and quite correct grammatically. Sadly no twist in the end. The reader was left quite disappointed in the end cause of that.

Taylor

1 - yes

2 - yes

Quite correct grammatically. Repeated words a bit much.

The story doesn't make sense too much. Twilight: New Moon actually makes more sense (with Bella putting herself in danger to see Edward who she loves). But in this story with the man putting his life in danger for an angel (let alone since there is no real love or connection there) doesn't make nearly as much sense. It's not realistic.

Charley

1 - yes

2 - yes

Nicely written, grammatically correct. Quite original. Liked how the clock was a constant symbol throughout the whole story. However, the story was a bit too short. It began with tension, with Peter waiting for the doctor and feeling bad about it. And then.. there is no conclusion really, no closure and the reader is left in the hospital waiting room, not knowing what will happen. There was just something missing there and because of that, the whole story didn't make all too much sense.

Kaeden

1- yes

2- yes

Quite nicely written although the story should have been better organised. Had several typos and some of the dialogue was just mashed up inside the description. Still, the story was for sure original and kept me on the edge of my seat, waiting to see what was happening next. Bringing in the dad was a great twist - it added more tension and really made me think this story was going to end in a tragic way. Still, bringing in the nicer ending was good, otherwise the story would have felt overly tragic.

Nuno

1- yes

2 - yes

Had several typos but mostly was correct. The clock was consistently used throughout the story, although not really in a very realistic way. The dialogue however didn't always make much sense and the characters felt a bit too bland, even for short story terms. And where on Earth did Perry come from in the end?! That was random.

Final results:

8.	Sam – Sadly this entry can't really be considered a short story. It was way too short and lacked on a lot of parts.

7.	Eddie – Surprising! Eddie has some real skills on describing things! Quite a nice story in some ways, although should have been waaay longer. The story was cut of way too soon. Because of that surprising end with everyone all of the sudden going home, the entire story didn't really make much sense though.

6.	Taylor – The story was overall well written but on the storyline part didn't always deliver. A man giving up his life to see some angel that he has just met didn't make much sense, even if the angel was super beautiful. Now had there been a love story, it would have been entirely different. Still, the story did have a twist in the end that was definitely unexpected.

5.	Nuno – Was one of the longest stories but didn't make that much sense. It was quite original and it was lovely that the people in the season were used as characters, but sadly they didn't have much character. Of course one might argue here that the short story characters aren't meant to have a lot of character, but still.. The dialogue and the storyline around the clock didn't make too much sense really, and it was quite the disappointment that the story ended before Szymon and Domca could fight. And where on Earth did Perry suddenly come from?!

4.	Charley – Nicely written story, but sadly too short. Did have the potential to be something greater. The emotions of the main character were well depicted, but sadly they really didn't lead to anywhere since in the end we don't find out what the doctor tells Peter – a rather major disappointment for the reader. Still, overall a good story and definitely delivered, although it was sadly too short.

3.	Kaeden – an original and tense story which keeps the reader on the edge of their seat! The reader was definitely expecting one thing and then got another. For example, after his mum found Johnny, it could be expected that they'd live happily ever after, but then the father comes in and tries to kill his son! Then the reader expects Johnny will probably die – but no, he survives miraculously! The story was a bit unrealistic since so much just happened but then again, some people have had such lives too.

2.	Jay - a close contender to Trace. Also a well-written story that was quite original as well. Had a nice twist towards the end - definitely not something any reader would expect. Still, a random plane flying towards the Earth all of the sudden felt a bit unrealistic but then again, such things do happen in real life. The way Katie's death was portrayed was nice - it made you feel sorry for her fate. Still wish Sean could have made it to the station, not collapsed like that (yet again something the reader wouldn't expect). I think any reader expected him to find Katie's dead body but that never really happened. Still, nice story!

1.	Trace - had overall the most consistent and the most well-written story. Considering this story was written by a male, it's amazing how well the viewpoint of a female was depicted, especially when it comes to a pregnant woman (who is really hard for males to understand usually). The story also had a nice climax and a good conclusion after that. Trace's story was also the one where the clock was used the most - it was a more consistent symbol, the thread that was used to really sew the story together. This story felt like a story written by a professional writer, someone like Margaret Atwood or something.

And with that! Trace wins Immunity! Guaranteed another day in this game. As for the rest of you, tribal council tonight, where one of the eleven of you will be the first person voted out of Avahy Maki. Head back to camp and await tribal council! 