Well It's Over/Confessionals

Day 23
"cuarcita"

- OKKKAAYY!!! So that tribal was weird... no one really wanted to talk about it until it came to the bitter end, and at that point, Jake had apparently thrown out everyone and their mother as targets! However, I got a new alliance out of it, so I really cannot complain! We stan the m0nk3y5! Maybe... idk! They're cute and all, but is this really the 6 I want to go to final 6 with? Probably not! There's still a lot of people left in the game, but I want to do another casting thoughts thing soon, so expect that at like final 9 if I survive these next 2 tribals! Whew!!!

Also, I'm going to really try to win this and actually be smart with my guessing, but I probably will still lose oops!!!

"cuarcita"

- So...last tribal was crackt. Jake w his fake idol submitting his vote for me caused a #stir and me and Torsa were on call and immediately you just heard, ""KAT KAT AKTAKAKAKTAK"" FSKJGGKGSLGS. It was such a stressful, but relieving moment that we didn't wait too long and that we were able to react as fast as we did.

Of course, I worried about Kat's reaction, and she proceeded to guilt trip me about writing her name down for insurance despite being on the plan to blindside me, never talking game with me, and throwing me and my partner under the bus for a majority of the merge. So, although I feel for her if she was having a rough day, I genuinely dislike how she's using that against me n Torsa despite us not having any idea of it beforehand. Idk, it just feels dirty to me but...wht can you do.

After the challenge today, I'd very much like to see one of Kat, Jerry, or Su leave, but...who knows. I feel like after they were quite close to blindsiding me last time, if I don't win touchy subjects, Andreas/Elizabeth might actually make the play this time. I don't feel safe at all, and even though I have a majority whom I trust in Torsa, Andre, Alex, Matt, and Brian, an idol or a flip could be all she wrote for me, and it's just so ughhh lskgls. I'd like immunity, but if I win, would they target Torsa? idw her to be in danger either.....gods..and Andrelizabeth having all the clues to the idol, too.....I need to approach this reaallly cautiously.

"cuarcita"

- omg well ladies. well well well. I play one advantage and they scatter, after the thing was played, Jake went through about 4 targets and tried to get a vote going on all of them, if he had just stayed quiet he would have survived purely because ppl forgot he was still here but yes. Jake annoyed everyone and suddenly Andreas/Liz weren't trying to vote Jayme out ugh. but yes now we have the cute monkeys alliance tht I like and would want to see um not implode. Torsa and Jayme coming for Kat as well omg, the entertainment just keeps on coming, Kat was pissed as expected so it's just hopefully another distraction away from me ugh. Me and Su are getting along great i rlly love him, will still vote him out but like, outside of this game situation he rlly is the cutest <3. Everything is going great which means I'm ready for my downfall whenever it happens, I just know it's coming ugh, im ready.

"cuarcita"

- Jake going home last night was very telling that no one wants to rock the boat this season. I for one think that eventually this game is going to get super messy and ugly. Kat and I had a great convo where she spilled to me that she's close with Alex but not Andre which is weird.. .something to keep in mind. I can't help but feel the sugar bears will turn on each other soon. I think Alex might strike which would be bad for us. But im ready ya know ?

"cuarcita"

- OMG ELIZABETH JUST GOT THE BLACK HEART ADVANTAGE!! This is great for us !!! Love her AHHH

Day 24
"cuarcita"

- Well on the low key, fuck all of these people putting me as the one to not receive votes at the FTC. That's a big sad from me. Ya know, it literally doesn't mean everything but it is interesting. I feel like its easy to just kinda dwell on it and get pissy and overreact. But I don't wanna do that. My favorite part was I had like 3 people DM me like, ""oh I'm sorry you got that..."" YOU PROBABLY THE ONE WHO PUT THAT SHIT LOL. Like, If I was looking for sympathy I’d look in the dictionary inbetween shit and syphilis. So my plan is to honestly just remind people about what they did this round, but not in a mean way. I want to remind them because this will potentially seal that thought in the heads of those in the game. Keep me in the game, I'm not a threat....lol.

Truthfully, I am okay with it thinking about it more. If that's the way people perceive me than fine. That's gonna be their biggest mistake in this game. Am I a Goat? Fine, don't come after me and I'm gonna get together numbers and take each and every one of you out. That's my goal. The biggest thing is going to be getting a group that will trust each other. Or at least people that will trust me. I wanna work with Andre the most rn because he seems like a really nice guy. I like Matt, but I think he has ties to those who I'm gonna all ""The Popular People."" Pretty much those who are well known in the orgs and shit. Cause to me, I'm probably overthinking this, it seems like they are protecting each other. Torsa and Jayme, clearly because they are a pair. Speaking of pairs, HOW ARE ALL 3 PAIRS NOT BEING TARGETED. Its kinda concerning to me.....I want to find a way to find which of them is going to be the most greedy and go for that immunity. I want to get rid of this messy bullshit...and try to find someone who wants to be selfish. I know there is a lot going on in this game that I'm not even close to being included in. But I am going to sneak through the cracks. They aren't gonna see it coming.

"cuarcita"

- god im getting fuck sick of this game and these people. No one apparently knows what's going on, there's apparently no majority, and apparently everyone respects me as a player and a person despite 3+ of them saying that I should never have made the merge and that I do not deserve my spot here.

In the game, I am keeping my cool. I'm not going to pop off, i'm not going to whine much, i cant afford to. But goddamn I wanna fight a little.

Everyone's saying ""oh touchy subjects doesnt mean anything"" but the people who say that are the ones who didnt get negative answers, the ones that r feeling themselves or know they're off the radar and are safe in a majority space. of fucking COURSE It means something and i hate that bullshit ppl say that it means nothing. if at least 3 people dont think i even deserve to be here, then that means there's a portion of this tribe that doesn't even respect my game at all. and that just infuriates me.

because i've worked my ass off. ya, i made mistakes. i get that. but i have WORKED and WORKED to be here. NOT A SINGLE VOTE AGAINST ME. I was on a tribe after i was lied to about being kidnapped with 3 sotaras, and I didnt get a vote. I was a secondary target these past two tribal councils and i havent received a vote. I was barely online last time and i managed to get a target onto jake and off of myself. I have been in the line of fire but I still have no votes against me and I am playing as hard as i can rn but these ppl still think i dont deserve to be here?

jesus christ i wish i could pop off and show them why i really deserve to be here.

but instead im forced to play the strategy I SWORE i would NEVER touch coming back into this game. Torsa straight up told me ""im telling people its not worth it to spend a vote taking you out"". she told me to play up the goat. Kat said the same. I have to lower myself and drown in this sea of ""i suck"" i guess to continue surviving, and it probably wont even work just like in the caribbean and i'll be stuck as an unmemorable piece of crap who decided to scream goat for the second time and is a forgotten early merge boot.

i just cant do that, i cant tell every1 im worthless and that they shouldnt vote me out because im a useless person. i cant do that to myself again, i cant bash my self esteem like that and make myself believe it a little bit. yeah, im getting busy irl, sorry that makes me unable to talk all the time. i dont have the time of some of these people to stay up for 20 hours straight and do an endurance challenge, or strategize like a robot until i need to reboot and recharge. That's not me, it'll never be me. But i'm just sick of everyone walking on eggshells around me. Everyone acts like im a ticking timebomb about to explode. ""I'm with you don't worry! omg its ok! dont freak out!"" I'm not going to freak out, i already made those mistakes this season, and that's why I am where I am. so pls dont act like im a toddler who's going to starting crying if u say one wrong word. sorry i had some emotional moments but that doesnt mean i have to be treated like a child sometimes.

so idk. im just rlly fucking annoyed rn. maybe i shouldnt be this annoyed, maybe im overreacting. but at the end of the day, I am my own person and my own player, and it's survivor, im allowed to feel however I wanna feel about these things. Doesn't mean I have to express them to anyone but this confessional thread, but im allowed to feel them. im sick of telling myself im not allowed to feel mad or sad because people dont wanna play this game with me. I'm allowed to feel hurt that people think i dont deserve to even be here after the hard work i've put in throughout this game. I'm ALLOWED to be frustrated. im allowed to be upset that my best isnt enough for these people.

at the end of the day i just hope me and kat can find a way to keep surviving, because we really are truly on the outs rn and everyone knows it i think. there's definitely some semblance of a majority although everyone denies it, even if its not official, there is some type of line in the sand, and im on one end and it's not the winning end rn. Torsa last night said that theres no majority but then made a comment of ""i know what its like to be left out and in the dark"". so what am i being left out of if theres no majority? and andreas told kat he voted for her for stuff because ""Shes in the minority"" so ya. theres something out there and these ppl think im stupid enough to believe that the entire game is THAT fluid and that NONE of them know whats going on. it's just gross but i have to pretend to be dumb enough to believe them. i'm working my ASS off to get people to regain trust in me, to see me as someone they can pull along and work with. i just hope it works out.

"cuarcita"

- omg weeeeeeeeell, a lot has happened ugh the touchy subjects were kinda just bad nnn it seems everyone felt comfortable putting brian for all the good ones and then the bad ones were just kinda shuffled between ppl, i mean obvs i got the hiding an idol and played the unveil thing because duh i told like half of the ppl here abt my secret idol by now and i was the one who did play the unveil token so um yeah. the mistakenly thinks running the game part i mean i don't think im running the game and idt there is like one person who is, I would say the alliance of 6 tht im in would be the ones running it but there's no like leader within tht group so idk, but honestly idc if ppl say tht abt me cause like i think i have a pretty good shot at surviving at least a little bit longer and then from there it's just abt making sure i trust the right ppl and ppl trust me so whew. the vote this time, this cast loves to be quiet then scramble afterwards which is nice but yeah some ppl have said Su's name, some people have said Kat's and some people have said Andreas' so I think i'm ok for this round nnn but I don't want Kat/Su to go because they're both nice and I think could be useful numbers in case the alliance implodes, I said this to andre and all he said was 'i don't want the alliance to implode' ok ty andre, someone pls find me a better partner! xoxo. Jerry's asked for an alliance between himself/Andre/Matt/Me. but Jerry keeps telling Andre tht im too quiet and he doesn't know what im thinking NNN like idk why you would say tht stuff to my partner but ok, i still love jerry but he makes it hard sometimes : (. but yeah so jerry says im too quiet but it's literally always me having to start the conversations and then in our last one he was the one who didn't reply to me so im like wtf what else do you want from me, and the thing abt not knowing what im thinking why don't u ask me then NNNN he just doesn't rlly talk to me about strategy or tribal and im too busy talking to um like 8 other ppl abt it soooo. but now at least we now know like where jerry is at vote wise and thought wise so, plus he probs won't vote for us 3 so. for this vote tho kinda want andreas to go just cause i like kat/su and ppl kinda feel the same abt andreas tht he's iffy gamewise so maybe it's the best course of action i just kinda maybe need to make it happen but im scared tht he has an idol and i didn't want to be like ok let's get andreas cause then he'd probs idol me out but it's so annoying how no one will just talk so maybe i'll have to lead by example nnn.

"cuarcita"

- So I'm now in an alliance with Andrew, Alex, and Matt. I'm cool with this and I hope the others are too. I tried to get a core four together with a goal in mind of rounding up two others to bring in. And I think I just realized who those two are, Kat and Su. Su is surviving votes and tribals yeah but that doesn't completely bother me right now. I would rather get the know of the game on my side than others. I want to not push this too much but I am trying to get something going. Throwing out a name later potentially but thats a gamble. That's why I'm trying to make a close circuit of people with me as the one connecting all of the web lengths. If these others would rather bring some others into the fold then I'm okay with that also. I'm just trying to get some momentum going for my benefit. If I'm gonna go out in this game, then its gonna be from me swinging.

"cuarcita"

- these people really think with their idols instead of their heads..... idk how much longer i can go on

"cuarcita"

- So Touchy subjects was really interesting for me because people think im hiding an idol.... i really hope thats based off seeing me in BAR HvV ... ANYWAYS this is the first tribal council that Elizabeth and I are going into without immunity so that's obviously worrisome. But I have confidence we will survive. I kind of want Alex or Andre gone right now but like idk if I'd be able to get the votes to make that happen which is scary... we shall see

"cuarcita"

- So, I really fucked up huh. So close to immunity, yet I really flopped on that tiebreaker, so...FSKGSGS. Oh well! It's time to proceed in my game ;;

Jake having Jerry, Kat, and Su all on board to blindside me last vote obviously makes me rather nervous for this tribal as well, for two main reasons: 1) having voted for Kat at the last tribal in case of an idol/advantage, she can be gunning after me hard, and 2) if Alex/Andre or Andrelizabeth wanted to make a move to get that pendant, I am the clear target. You only need six for a majority, so it's an optimal opportunity for someone to make a 'big move' like take me out !! So, coming into this tribal, I am rather nervous.

I believe Su leaving is easily the best-case for the game right now. I feel like I can potentially still develop a working relationship with Jerry, and Kat is rather a loose cannon so I don't know how popular she is right now. I think Su leaving is best because next round I feel is the perfect time for someone to make a big move on a big dog, and so Su if we don't take out now, it will be MUCH harder to get the numbers later when he is able to integrate as he continues on his apology tour. He also has a rather good story to tell if he makes the end, so I'd like to see him leave.

Andreas brought up the idea of potentially targeting Andre/Alex in case they try to make a move on one of us for the pendant, but again, I have two reasons I don't wanna do that: 1) Alex played the unveil thing and halted any potential in me being voted off, so he's earned a lot of trust + respect in my book, even if that was his plan to get me to trust him, and 2) If we vote out Alex/Andre to stop them from, what's to stop andrelizabeth from then voting one of me or Torsa out to get that pendant themselves? They'd set themselves up perfectly for it, and I trust Andreas, but not THAT much.

So, all in all, as we start this round, I'm really fucking nervous nnnnnnn. I think it could be me, but I'm going to continue to push ""i'm the most trustworthy"" and remind everyone about the sankery of Su and Kat skfjgskgskjsgks.

Side note: Kat is rly pushing the whole 'kicking me when im down' angle huh. Like, that's clearly not what is happening girl...this is why you were voted most bitter juror. You got two votes and decided to guilt trip them. smh

"cuarcita"

- Well I think now is going to be my time to go. I am feeling very down and I don't know where to go. Yesterday I talked to Andreas and Brian about the rumour going around that I said that Brian wanted Liz out 2 tribals ago. They both know the truth now and how I felt. I just am so sad because I told Andreas about Liz getting voted out (possibly) and then Andreas screwed around my words to make me appear the bad guy. As for last tribal, where Jake went, I got 2 votes. I am very sad about this because I thought Torsa/Jayme were so nice. But I have to realize that personal is not game play. I found out later that the reason that they voted me was because 'I didn't talk to them.' Well, I barely talked to anyone yesterday because I got into a lot of personal crap and real life comes first. I only talked to the people that messaged me. I guess they wouldn't care to see me go :/ I have been nothing but nice to them and it really sucks. I have no power, no idol, no advantage and I am on the bottom. The only sliver of hope I have is that Andreas mentioned that he wants to turn this tribal around and not have another unanimous vote. I think he wants to get one of the nuSotara tribe out. They could possibly have an alliance and if we don't act soon it will be a majority alliance. I am going to hold onto that hope and fly with it. I just know in the past when I have wanted to vote a certain way it never works out that way. I have no idea how I can win this game or how I can. But I will not go out silent. I will make these people's lives hell. At the end of the day I DESERVE to be here and I will not let anyone else tell me otherwise.

"cuarcita"

- I really really really really really really really really want alex gone. The SECOND we're having a debate in the alliance chat and someone disagrees, he immediately runs into other peoples pms ""Jayme is tryna turn against the alliance."" bc i have a differing opinion on who should leave. Who died and made you king? fuck outta here...idc if u have an alliance and idc if u have the numbers, i will vote a different way to spite you. I want Alex gone but i also don't think we have the numbers--we'd have me, torsa, matt, andrelizabeth--but that's not majority. We'd need one more. I trust Andre but not enough to vote out his own partner, and I doubt Brian would go for it. Kat and Su are against me, and Jerry would probably leak it...and it'd have to be a blindside. God, so annoying.

However, I do wish to vote out a Kat or Jerry or Su this tribal nonetheless, because they are against me. Andreas is not. If One of those three stay, Alex has all the room in the world to target me and/or Torsa...........ugh. And it's especially problematic bc Brian had implied to Andre he wanted to target me and Torsa at F9 so :))) Me and Torsa are highkey in a really shit spot rn so idc really what Alex decides I'm not voting andreas he can shove that idol xoxo

"cuarcita"

- so. we have immunity ladies. WE LOVE THAT. i have never won touchy subjects, heck even done well in it before and to win it (albeit in a tiebreaker but still) so yay go me we love a growth arc.

and now the crack has been smoked once again everyone and jesus christ. we have 100 blindside plans in action. WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE SMOKING. Jayme wants torsa and i to vote andreas. o wait now he doesn't. WTF IS HE DOING. COULD HE BE PAINTING A TARGET EVEN MORE ON HIMSELF. good for me though. i just feel like people are overplaying for the sake of overplaying its so so so messy wtf. calm down ladies its final 11. not f6. we staying in the clear ig. god can these people calm down. looks like an alex blindside 3-2-0, with andreas playing his idol nullifying 6 votes. jesus is with us today. thank GOD i have immunity.

"cuarcita"

- I lost immunity which fucking BLOWS because having it in your hands is always so nice! And if I had gone with some of my personal answers instead of pussying out, then I would've won with 10 or 11, I don't remember!! Either way, I do feel kinda good going into this tribal? Definitely not amazing or whatever, but I feel good enough that I won't be the one going home from anything.

I'm trying to get a feel on this alliance and see if they're willing to vote for Andreas with me instead of being boring and going for Kat, but we shall have to see! I won't be around a lot of today, so it'll be fun to see what happens while I'm gone!!

"cuarcita"

- Hmm.. so something's fishy, I can just smell it! I don't really know what, but let me give you some insight on what is happening as of right now!

Basically, Alex and I were kinda very pro-voting for Andreas in the Monkey's chat, and everyone seemed okay with it, as well as the 3 outsiders (Kat, Su, and Jerry). So we seem to be going forth with that as the vote with a side plan to take out Kat in case an idol is played by Andreas (Torsa/Jayme voting for Kat). However, Alex and I were talking in PMs, and he's very sus of their reasoning to vote Kat... and I kinda am, too, now? Like I wouldn't be surprised if some inner-working of this group is going to fuck up this tribal, but I hope it doesn't spell the end of me! I was labeled all the big, scary things this tribal... and I'm a little nervous about it.

"cuarcita"

- I've honestly lost a lot of motivation today....being told that people aren't taking you seriously is honestly so painful to hear. Especially when you know that its them pretty much being just arrogant assholes. Like, it just seems to me that people have found their friends outside the game and then made that their alliance. And then based on that, just claim they are so cool and running the game....to me that's not real survivor. Its just a bunch of people being extremely fake. Fuck them. Its awful survivor gameplay...to completely disregard someone at the final 11? ELEVEN! I'm going to do everything in my power to make those regret being rude. I'm never going to reward this in the end. So fine, do what they want. Say what they want. Karma is a bitch

"cuarcita"

- So tribal council was supposed to be super calm and chill. I tried to push for Su. Then Jayme is like "hey lets call" and im like "k cool" and then suddenly Brian and Alex are pushing for me to go... so i decided the sugar cubs that I have an idol and i wanna blindside alex so BAD. Seems the vote are going to fall majority on me then 3 to alex and 2 on kat (?) JAYME AND TORSA seem to love voting kat UGH

"cuarcita"

- Updates.

Jerry got really passive aggressive with me and I decided just to be honest with him that people are saying hes not actually playing and essentially spilled all the tea on that. I think it low key kind of bothered him that people were saying that but at this point, it is what it is.

Matt I am very SUS of. If this plan doesn't work out, then I 100% blame him.

"cuarcita"

- I AM SO SORRY FOR THE PITY PARTY THAT WAS MY LAST CONFESSIONAL?

sweet jesus sometimes i think im mature and emotionally stable and then moments like that happen LMFAOOOOO

but ya. basically andreas threw my name this morning and everyone was like no i love su im not doing him, so then hes going for kat but people already decided he was sketch and me, kat, brian, torsa, jayme, andre, matt, alex r voting for him and i HOPE he doesnt idol me or Kat out cuz i'd SCREAMMM

i gtg do stuff so this cant be super long like usual but at the end of the day i feel bad leaving out jerry but i am worried he'll go running to Andreas/Liz maybe, and Liz is sweet but she was fine voting for me apparently so Im ok blindsiding her partner. Andreas didnt give me a chance in this game, he was the one who pushed for Rob, so its time to avenge him and show these bitches I DESERVE TO BE HERE AND YALL NEED TO TAKE A SEAT!

but ya. im excited. i hope it works. ill like fucking die if this is all a big lie or me or kat get idoled out. but at least we'll get to go out in pretty fashion. ANYWAY YA im ok and im NOT going home most liekly which just makes me so happy :D so ya. big mood reversal TFCGHBJN sorry im so messy yall...

"cuarcita"

- I s2g if andreas uses his idol and votes ME?!?!? out ??? what a fking waste of an idol.

"cuarcita"

- Andreas is literally so smart, listening to him strategize makes me fall in love with him all over again. His MIND 😍😍