I'm Dead./Confessionals

Day 18
"bariq"

- you don't know how fucking pissed I am rn like I'm telling everyone but Sam and Tyler that I'm just sad and disappointed but no I'm fucking PISSED OFF Sam's a coward and is trying to play both sides and I'm not here for it PICK A SIDE people see what you're trying to do and they're not here for it

"bariq"

- we have Cali, we have Joan, we have Tyler R, we have Kevin and Sam who are fucking cowards (Cali is probably one too let's be real) and that's it. Let's compare to Yap, Tyler P., Ricky, Molly, Amelia, all people who can do stuff without giving a flying fuck! Then you have Amir, Charley and Mihai. I LOATHE them. If they didn't fucking broadcast every god damn conversation maybe I'd want to work with them.

"bariq"

- after this you bet your bottom dollar I'm going to fucking lie, even to people who were my #1's before this because FUCK THAT

"shehr"

- right now we're 2/2 for getting out the people targeting me lmao

"shehr"

- so, jamie is gone, wheew. I didnt thought we can do it, but amir sent me some screenshots from skandi in which jamie talks about taking ricky and molly, so I gave them those and they finally believed me after me, molly, amir, ricky, charley and amelia skyped for like half an hour. I explained to them how jamie, jessy, sam and kevin are playing us, since they were willing to vote tom out, after that the new school were mad on us for voting one of them, so they just went to new school and took skandi out. It was pretty smart actually, but jamie self-distructed herself by talking to skandi. I am happy me and amir survived and I do believe that new school will stick to us because it's the only way we can survive to middle school,so next time one of those 7 has to go. I hope that not taking kevin out last time wont bite new school on the butt, but I think we're good for now. Also, I'm sorry about being so mad on amelia and...everything, I had a rough time in real life the past week. And sorry will. Oh, yeah, and amir has an idol, so that could be helpful if it's real. he is the only one I trust 1000000%.

"qahtan"

- I've been doing a very small amount of confessionals during the last two episodes, mainly because I got cocky and thought I could lay back and sit pretty assuming me and my allies were safe. However my best ally and my main source of information, Jamie went home. Honestly, I just lost my biggest tea source and that bums me so much.

So here I go... Jamie's funeral... Because the girl deserves it more than anybody that has been voted out until the moment. Jamie was a great ally and I trusted her nearly full heartedly, I hosted for her in Indonesia and I was mesmerized by how much of a great player she was, some people may call her chaotic but in the end she just had fun from day one until the day she went home, people need to realize that ORGs are meant to have fun, not to get all emotional and overthink. Jamie tried to get rid of Ricky but it failed, now I feel like the task is now mine, I'm taking down that motherfucker Ricky, and Molly, and Amelia, and even those rats Mihai and Amir. All and every one of them are gone and I will do all in my hands to get rid of them. I'm praying that I, Jessy or Tyler R become tribe captains in the making it rain, because that way we will be able to pick a tribe that will be perfect for us and take out the trash. Also, if this is a funeral I'm laying a rose on her death bed. Because every rose has it's thorn and I am that thorn, get ready to be prickled.

"qahtan"

- This challenge is a lot more complex than i originally thought it was gonna be!

So now that Jamie's gone, the formerly Not from Europe turned Pasta Town four are the last new schoolers remaining. I had been doubting them a little in the past because I felt kinda out of the loop, they weren't really communicating as much with me, and it left a lot of room for those thoughts about being left on my own to wedge themselves in my head. We've been able to talk a lot more this round though and some of the worries I had are gone.

Anyways, Pasta Town wants us all to work together with the remaining old schoolers and give all of our money among the middle schoolers minus Yap (since he's an endure alum too and he's on good terms with us).

My issue with that is that I don't know the old schoolers at all. Nada. I think Amir added me on facebook maybe 2 days ago idk. I can see why it'd benefit the rest of our quartet since they've all interacted a lot with the old schoolers, but I've built up connections with some of the middle schoolers and I'm not about to throw away the last week of the game for something so unknown. I feel like I'm being invited to a blind date that my friends set up!

I think the best course of action for me right now would be to put a fair amount of money on the middle schoolers like planned, but i'm still going to spread this money out over the old schoolers too. I want new school to get the reward. Or Yap.

"qahtan"

- Also i'll update my trust list now that a lot has changed.

My number 1 is back to being a tie of Molly and Ricky. I had Molly lower last time because I was suspicious of her bond with Sam but it seems like they aren't working as close as I thought they were (or maybe they're good at hiding it?? Who knows?? Not me that's for sure). I don't think Molly would screw me over, same with Ricky.

I'll keep Yap at 3rd. Since he's got the endure target and he's got some ties with myself, molly and ricky, I think he's the most likely to work with us moving forward. Yap and I have also been talking a bit more and his conversations with me seem genuine.

Amelia is fourth. I feel like they've opened up to working with me a lot more. Maybe it's because of the building pressure being put on new school or maybe it's because it's easier to get a hold of them than it is to reach Molly and Ricky sometimes, but I'm feeling better about where I stand with them than I did before.

Joan is fifth on my trust list. He reaches out to me a bit, and I think if there was a divide on the new Qahtan tribe, it was between him and the others. Because of this, I feel like I could move up in his books as someone he sees as a potential ally.

Tyler R. will be 6th and the last person on this edition of my trust list. He dropped because he just hasn't been talking to me as much anymore. Plus he said I was gonna be on the fourth 703 podcast thing but then filmed it without me so.... shady....

I don't trust anyone else right now. I had some trust in Sam but she lied to me about having the Qahtan idol even though Molly and I tried to help her find it.

"bariq"

- god fucking damn it the shehrs have eyes every god damn fucking WHERE!! i can't talk to old skule w/o thinking that it'll get back to them and sam is probably lying to me and is with them... jfc i feel like qahtan must be in some thing w/ them as well like they couldn't have just been doing nothing all this fucking time

"qahtan"

- I'm working my social game as if it was a fitness thingy, this morning I talked to Charley as soon as I woke up, she is desperate to have somebody who doesn't want her out and I'm desperate for numbers. I've started talking to Po and Ricky once again, I do not want them in the game but if they want me in because I'm "friends" with them, good for me. However I'm not gonna talk to Molly, Amelia, Amir or Mihai, unlike anybody else left in the game they have never ever approached me to talk and I am not doing the move to start a friendship or anything at all with them, especially after last tribal. Also talking about Ricky, like I'm a ~mastermind~ I send him cute pictures of my kitties so he keeps me around because if I get voted out he will not have cute kitty pics. I am a genius. Yes I am...

Swap
"redemption"

- Episode8conf1.jpg

"redemption"

- So this morning I skyped Tyler P and did a really risky thing that could cost me my game, I told him about Jamie telling me about the alliance that consisted of him, Amelia, Molly, Yap and Ricky. He said there wasn't such a thing as that. It worries me because I did this so he understood that now that Jamie is gone I want somebody else to be loyal to.

Now, had I not screwed up my maths I would have been around the bottom 5 or so, meaning that people didn't want me to be a tribe captain, at all. Sam placed me last which makes me think that the entire cast is suspicious or doesn't trust her. The tribe captains are Kevin, who I don't have a relationship and I doubt I can find anything at all that connects me to him, like as I said early in the game, he only has one side to his shape and it's work. Meanwhile I think that strategically it would be better to be in his tribe since odds are that I have majority there, the thing is that I would probably just try to get him voted out since he has this stiffness and I get this feeling that he doesn't want to work with me at all, maybe its the age difference, the timezone, the whatever but yeah it seems like he genuinely doesn't want to work with me. In the other hand Ricky and I have our pussy connection, I'd be on the minority if I end up in his tribe, but hey at least I get to showcase my beauties before going home.

I'm also talking to Charley, she feels in the outs and she is in the outs because she got dragged along by Mihai and Amir, if she gets picked early on I think I'll be able to sway her into picking me since right now it seems like I'm the only person that wants to know anything at all about this girl.

"qahtan"

- HAHAHA I got my first Individual Challenge Win out of my 3 games in the Main ORG grin emoticon

"shehr"

- where tf is Jessy?? Come on, choose already chop chop I literally don't have time for this wait.

"bariq"

- ImdeadImdeadImdeadImdeadImdeadImdead fuckjessyfuckjessyfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah FUCK ME Im dead. Im dead. Im dead fucking dead, rotting corpse, 10 feet underground. Dead dead dead dead dead. Im with the psycho, the social flop and Charley. Im with the psycho, the social flop and Charley. MY WORST FUCKING NIGHTMARE AND IT DOENST EVEN LOOK LIKE A DAYDREAM. JESSY YOU OWE ME A PSYCHE WARD BECAUSE THIS SCREWED MY HEAD FUCKJESSYFUCKJESSYFUCKJESSYFUCKTHATHOEHOHOHOHOHJOHOHIUIFHASDJOijuhfjazoidfouhisjnfmkwjiuhfebdsjiobhsfuir9gw322ehiudfsyv9c ojbehrwquoisopxzc [pvlk;fgjehrw

"bariq"

- A lot has happened in the past couple days! Let's get into it. Starting with Jamie and Jessy and all the bridged I burned with that. Yeah. basically we went to Ricky and told him all the stuff that Jamie and Jessy have been saying about targeting him and what not. He got pretty pissed, so we got rid of Jamie. It wasn't all old school, it wasn't all new school, we had to work together to get it done. I did like Jamie, and I wanted to work with her, but she just lied to me over and over, I couldn't really take it anymore. But before she left, the little angel gave me some information... Ricky and Sam both have hidden immunity idols apparently. Thanks Jamie heart emoticon Also Amir told me about his, so basically... I can use this information however I want. But onto the tribe swap... It's hilarious, I must admit. New school and middle school having this whole "Let's all choose each other!" mentality, but then putting together a tribe of old school and Joan? It's basically our saving grace, because as much as Joan likes to pretend he was as screwed as we were, he wasn't. Old school knew we would've been gone. And that brings me to Joan. I like Joan, he's a good guy, but he's trying to tell me that sticking with him would be good for my game. Um, voting out a middle school would be good for my game. I'll give him credit, he's trying hard. But here's the thing, people probably think I'm an idiot, just blinded by old schol and doing what they want. No, I'm not a sheep for wanting to stick with old school, and I'm not a blind idiot either. It would be working against my game to vote them out. Two winner old schoolers act as great deflectors? Who's gunna vote me out with those two still around? Still... Maybe I should keep Joan in case we lose again, since Mihai and Amir woud probably vote me out. But whatever, I'll burn that bridge when I get to it.

"bariq"

- The twists in this game are not doing good to my mental health. So we got rid of Jamie and formed an Old/New school alliance and tried to work something out in the challenge, but Mihai screwed up which I believe is the reason why Kevin won. Both middle and new school just picked each other as expected, until Amelia decided to pick... Yap? What the fuck? I get it that Yap is aligned with Ricky and all, but doesn't it make more sense to take Joan so you could vote him off? that's fishy. I asked her to pick me and she said she "didn't see it". yeah right, in German we say "tell that to your grandma". Eventually me, Mihai, Charley and Joan became one small tribe - again, Bariq squint emoticon and I already hoped to get rid of that eternal loser red buff. We can easily vote off Joan if we lose, unless he has the idol, but if we lose again that's gonna get really ugly. I believe both Mihai and Charley are closer to me than to each other after the last vote, but I still need both of them and I don't wanna be absorbed into any of the other 2 tribes. We just to have to win something, finally! Do you remember that once going to tribal council was a big deal? well that's my daily routine bitch because I've been there every episode so far and have a pretty good chance to visit there again considering the past challenge performances of my tribemates. Keep hope alive?

Day 19
"shehr"

- anyways. i'm not gonna write about last tribal because that was just waaayyyy too much shit, but here we go. so everyone knew the swap was happening, especially with that "reward challenge", and we were lucky enough to be able to get ricky as team captain. so we were like, okay, let's get our core alliance on this tribe to start, and then we'll add a couple of middle school - or old school if necessary - to have people to vote out. but then............that was it. our core alliance of new school plus yap, whom i've been instructed to trust and whom i do trust right now, is our whole. entire. tribe. and if that isn't enough, the joint tribals are over. all of us right now: "shit shit shit shit shit". like, i guess the only thing we can do is win? if either or both of the other tribes go to tribal council, it's awesome, because it's guaranteed that a middle schooler will go home. kinda sucks that it might be sam if qahtan goes, but then again, she's been paranoid the whole game and definitely trying to play too many sides, which we saw last round. so, like, sorry sam i love you but i could survive without you here. i'm really wishing i had picked joan for our tribe instead of yap. i originally wanted to do that because apparently people know/suspect that the four of us and yap are tight, and it'd be nice to not have all our eggs in one basket (boy do i feel that now), but tyler was like "we should just take yap because he'd be dead on the other tribe" (we still thought it was gonna be two tribes of 7 at that point), so i was like okay that makes sense i'll just go with yap and trust in my alliance. but UGH. if i had taken joan, a) we'd have someone to vote out more easily and b) if we lose yap on the tribe with three old schoolers, that's okay with me tbqh because he's still a middle schooler and it's not like i've talked to him at all before this. oh well. i made my shelter and now it's time to curl up in it and try to stay warm. if we don't win the challenge(s), i can only assume we'd vote out yap. i mean, i could be wrong, but i'd be extremely disappointed and betrayed if that wasn't the case, considering the four of us have been in this together since day one and i would hope none of us would throw that away for someone we're only just now getting to officially work with. so the question for me is what happens after yap goes if we have to go to another tribal? my first thought was it's probably gonna be me because i'm probably at the bottom in terms of power in that alliance, but now that i'm thinking about it more i think there's a possibility that ricky and tyler might turn against each other because they're the more overt threats at this point (especially ricky; don't think i'm not noticing how smoothly he's been maneuvering through this game) and i guess i can dare to hope that they'd both recognize that and would rather go forth with "weaker" players like me. then again, maybe i /am/ seen as a huge threat, and maybe my game hasn't been as under-the-radar as i think it is, or maybe my preexisting reputation is gonna be what sends me right out the door on this tribe. i'm the only winner here, after all. but right now i'm placing a lot of trust in my allies, and especially molly, because they're all i've got and i made the choice of creating this tribe, so i'm gonna stick with it for now. it's not like i have any other options anyway lol. oh, and another thing: i still have tyler's idol, from when ricky gave it to me at last tc in case he got voted out. tyler hasn't asked for it back yet, and i'm not necessarily planning on mentioning it yet. it's a nice thing to have in my back pocket, even if it wasn't technically mine to begin with :~)

"bariq"

- I calmed down, ate some fruit, chilled the fuck out and prayed to satan for a few minutes offering myself as a vessel the dawn of my 18th birthday. I am going to be calm and collected, try the best on the challenge and if I still loose, I will pray the dark lord helps me out. I also did a really stupid thing and it was to offer Charley an over the top deal, she luckily stepped back and didn't deal with it which Im grateful for because I should think a little more. Honestly I was so psyched out that I would have gotten in all fours and... *winks at hosts* so yeah, I gotta chill. Be ice. Be chill. Iceiceiceice...

"shehr"

- I FICKUGIN TRIED TO WARN THESE HOES URIEBWJDBWIBFW

"bariq"

- Ive been talking my ass off to Amir not only so the guy wants to keep me around if we go to tribal but also trying to convince him we should side with Qahtan, Shehr has set up Skandi's and Lukas' eliminations so they looked like Qahtan backstabbed Bariq, when it was actually just us protecting us when we had a miscomprehension between us leading my tribe to vote one of them out... I know it sounds bad but yeah thats how it was. Lukas decided to spill the beans to the other side and then the following tribal we thought that Old School was going against us and it was Shehr who actually lied to them that tribal by telling them to vote Kevin too. I really need Shehr to go this tribal council since they would be down one number and they are after all the challenge beasts and the fact that my new "tribe mates" want to even risk having to go up against all 5 of them next challenge is the definition of stupid. I just hope I can talk my way into Amir's head so he wants to keep me around because if not Im either going to be a 13th place flop or a 9th place irrelevant, allowing the VILE alliance take over despite how fucking hard I've been working this season.

"shehr"

- all right, let's talk about it. the PREGAME MYTH. does it worry me that my entire tribe minus me is supposedly in a pregame endure alliance? sure. it's not like this is the first time i've heard that story. and it's not like i'm not aware of the possibility. like i said in my last confessional, there's no guarantee that i'm not on the outs of this tribe, and it's definitely important to take into account that this is a thing that's been alleged by many people. however, throwback to greece, i was once accused of having a premade alliance. was it true? absolutely not. i didn't know any of those people before the game started, having only talked to them casually a couple of times. but did our shared community have an impact on how the rest of the game went, and indirectly contribute to me winning? absolutely it did. so to me, it doesn't really matter if there are pregame alliances or not. because casting and tribes and other shit that happens in the game can throw all that out the window pretty easily. to me, it's more important to just be aware of the fact that these people have all played in the same community, some of them in the same game in that community, and that can be a huge factor in trust and alliances and just personal comfort in this game. (and yes, the same can be said for me - i feel more comfortable with people from tumblr at baseline because i'm familiar with them and understand some of their past experiences more than people who come from other orgs. does that mean i have a premade alliance of sam and molly and jessy and jamie that i'm gonna stick with for the whole game? obviously not.) so, basically, i don't give a fuck about all the drama in comment threads on facebook, and i don't care whether or not people have been accused of pregaming, but i do care that some of these people have commonalities and shared experiences/backgrounds, and i'm absolutely keeping an eye on that. okay, laure?

"shehr"

- [5:15:25 PM] Sam: Well Mihai Jessy Joan and yap didn't have theirs count [5:15:39 PM] Sam: So Charley and Amir must have just dumped all their money on me

oops! sorry sam!

"shehr"

- [8:07:17 PM] Molly: when u thought sam could work with new school but she turned out to be too problematic Episode8conf2.png [8:07:35 PM] amelia: DSDCFGHJKJHG [8:07:40 PM] amelia: im screaming

"bariq"

- The Bariqs are like the admin group, they just can't get their shit together. Legit it was like a 2 minute silence pressuring to each other until Charley manned up and decided she would post first. Like chill guys, if you fuck up you don't have to worry. I HAVE.

"shehr"

- me talking to my alliance when I was on qahtan: Epsiode8conf3.gif when my closest allies are all now on my tribe: Epsiode8conf4.gif

"bariq"

- So Shehr and Bariq are teaming up against the purple tribe in this challenge. It'll be great, maybe I can finally be on the winning team. But if not, then I am worried about the vote. I feel like there will be at least two rounds before a merge, possibly more. If I vote out Joan, and then we go to tribal again, I'm basically screwed. Mihai and Amir are tight. I might have to consider keeping Joan, as much as I don't wat to. Anyone who can get me to the next round basically.

"qahtan"

- So, I'm really hoping Shehr loses, so I will not have to get blood on my hands for any of them to go

"bariq"

- I just finished the challenge and I nearly started yelling at my tribe mates. Mihai took like one or two entire minutes to post in the challenge and it was horrible since Mihai's sloppy internet was the reason that Shehr made a better time of us. Also I made sure Charley was in front of me so when she said in Skype it was my turn I could understand her... Amir and Mihai have these accents I struggled with so I feel like I kinda tweaked my performance to better by having Charley warn me so I posted in time before trying to figure out if Mihai or Amir said the number... God bless vocal chords... Wait I mean Satan, LAURE IM STILL LOYAL TO YOU AND PRE PUBES BAILEY

Day 20
"bariq"

- So I'm going to tribal. Again. Either Amir or I are cursed, there's no way around it. Every round we've been to tribal, and it sucks. Big time. So basically my vote is going to head Joan's way. It does worry me that if we do lose again after this, Mihai and Amir might team up and take me out, but I also think I might have an angle to work with Amir. I don't even know if this vote will go Joan though. The other two old school boys are paranoid as hell, so they might vote for me. Or, Joan could have an idol, and he throws his vote on me and I could go home. If he happens to have an idol (Middle school could've given him one, never know) and Mihai ends up going, it could actually be good for me. Then if we lose again, Joan goes, and then we're probably merging after that. But the chances of him having a idol are slim, so I'll put my money on him going home. But you never know. I hope I'm not going, but if the last half of this game is any indication, I'll probably wind up with my neck on the chopping block anyway.

"bariq"

- I want to snap at Mihai that the appropriate challenge for this tribe would be to sit there and do nothing, because all three of them are pretty good at that. Also Amir might help me create a tie so go me. I might even survive tribal. Woot. So thrilled. Fuckthistwist FuckJessy FuckSam FuckKevin FuckTylerR FuckEVERYBODY

"bariq"

- I'm thinking I want to vote joan, but I'm scared he might have the idol, so maybe I should go for charley and force a tie because joan is voting for me but if he doesnt have it, then I make charley mad over noting... I dont know

"qahtan"

- One thing I do in this game is plant seeds of doubt and paranoia - in a chat w/ MJ in it on skype I mentioned the generations pregame, I think he could tell Molly about it since he was originally in it so once she knows she'll tell the rest of her tribe, and they'll all become paranoid and plant seeds of distrust

"bariq"

- We lost, again. however this time it was actually my fault because I had to refresh the page every time (I tried it first without refreshing but it fucked up the posting order). Do I feel bad about it? not really. I couldn't care less about this challenge since a middle schooler would've gone home regardless of which tribe went to tribal council. There is a slight chance that Shehr would agree to throw the next challenge and get rid of Yap, to prevent us from going to tribal again and losing a vote for them at the merge. It was a bit ironic how easy and fast this tribal was. I had total control over every vote, I could theoretically get any result I wanted. But since I have to dwindle the middle school a bit, voting out Charley now wouldn't have made too much sense. Joan was feeding me with so much false information during the game, and I'm not even sure that what he told Skandi was true. So I decided to play with him a bit before he's leaving and get as much information as possible about the middle school tribe. As I thought, he didn't reveal anything new. The Lukas vote was a very crucial vote for Joan, and he screwed. I lost all the trust I had in him, and gaining lost trust is nearly impossible in the game of Survivor. Everything that happens now is just the consequences. Charley will go home next if we lose another challenge, but this is not a very good scenario considering I could be absorbed to one of the other tribes. If we win the next challenge and then merge, it would be perfect. but i'm not getting my hopes too high yet.

"shehr"

- Needless to say, everyone is mad AF at this twist, except for old school cause this is somewhat of a blessing to them. Joan, once realizing how fucked he is, comes to me and starts clearing up a lot of stuff. Which was needed, cause I needed to do the same thing to. It's clear that one of his closest allies, Jamie, left so he needed more people, so he decided to focus on me. He tried to give me the picture of Bariq's idol and wanted me to photoshop it so I could use it, LOL can't do that. And I also can't because Ricky told me Sam had the idol, so I ain't no use in lying there. The major thing that got cleared up was how my name came up so many times during Lukas' boot. The "Endure Premade". It's fucking bullshit, that's what it is. Or if it is a real thing, I'm not a part of it. And this is where it clicks in my head that I HAVE TO MAKE THE EFFORT AND GO OUT AND CLEAR MY DAMN NAME. So Joan and I are cool, from this point we make a deal that once we hit the merge, we're hitting the ground running as exiled homies out for blood against the two major sides. Now with my situation on my tribe, well it's so unclear. We're all pretty much good with each other, but I kinda see myself on the outs. It's Ricky, Molly and Po as the tight three. With Amelia and I interchangeable as the 4th. But I can easily see myself going home over her because they have been together longer and the Tumblr connection. The basic strategy at this point, is to win. Out of sight, our of mind. Bariq ends up losing 99 bottles, cause their damn curse lives on. RIP Joan, nothing he could really do. I think he was voted out like an hour after tribal was posted? Where does that leave me? Well it's now time for me to establish my name in this game. Right now people have this perception of me, and I don't like it. I feel really uneasy.