Board Thread:Season 12 - All-Stars/@comment-4190137-20140214110502/@comment-11497002-20140215071811

''Ben, very tense challenge, what does it mean for you now that you didn't win it? Also, do you have anything you'd like to say publicly to your tribe mates regarding this vote? ''

Not winning the challenge means I am very vulnerable, both game-wise and emotionally. I know at least one person wants me out and is voting for me. In a final four situation, one more vote could be enough to send me home. Being so close to winning immunity yet not being able to pull it off is devastating. I could not have tried harder in that challenge or in this entire game. I've given this everything I have so to fall at the last hurdle would crush me. If I do go home, I know this is just a game but it has the potential to be so much more than that. I have self-esteem issues that stem from a difficult period in my life and this game has been a chance for me to try to overcome some of that. It's not just about winning. That in itself means little to me. It's about the achievement of overcoming all the obstacles I've faced in this game and in life. Playing a game I love so much and being able to say I made it through to the end would be a validation of myself, not by others but by myself. I could be proud to say I lasted 39 days and reached the final. Even if no one else respected what I'd done I could be proud. So maybe I will go home tonight but there's still that chance I could succeed. There's still a chance others could want me to succeed and as long as there's a chance there's hope.