Board Thread:Season 12 - All-Stars/@comment-4190137-20140202114704/@comment-11497002-20140203081500

Yeah I know everyone’s just been pissing themselves with excitement to read my roast and I just hope I can reach the dizzying expectations everyone has of me. As one of the top 24 players of this season I’m sure I won’t disappoint.

What can I say about Rob C? The greatest player never to win? More like the biggest loser to never win!! Oh wait, we’re not roasting Rob C? Ah, I see. This is a completely original challenge and unrelated to any other coincidentally-timed roasts.

So, to my little jury peeps, sorry in advance if I offend you but hopefully this will all be over faster than Hickman’s time in this game. I don’t really want to insult you to your face but I guess it gives me a break from doing it behind your back. It almost seems a waste of time for me to roast you. It’d be quicker to just link you to the season placements because really the most insulting thing is that I outlasted all of you. Like, how do you justify that? “Oh yeah, I’m pretty happy with how I did but Ben did better”. Embarassment. So it is kind of awkward me having to roast you. It’s like asking a cripple to make fun of someone with a broken leg. But like our favourite cripple Kelly Bruno, let’s hop to it.