Board Thread:Season 37 - Archetypes/@comment-27506297-20161212172939/@comment-24114312-20161212225936

1. I always went to people and freaked out because I thought I was going most Tribal Councils. The reason was because I knew that I had created a situation in which I got myself targeted a lot, and so I presumed that people would want to take me out. Sometimes it was unfounded, like the F6 or F5 Tribals, however at the F10 TC I wouldn’t say my paranoia was unfounded if I really was as close to going as you guys have said.

As for the game being different, yes it could’ve been hugely different. I became ott paranoid very early on in Hizoku, and had I not then I believe I could have had much more control over there. I mean, 4/6 of us made F8 so none of us individually did too badly, but as a tribe we were very very very split and I think a large part of that has to be put on me being paranoid and splitting the tribe very early on.

2. I’ll cover the actions that you’ve mentioned in your speech and why I chose to do all of them, and what the intended outcome was.

For confronting you, I did it because at that point in time, I wanted to work with you and I thought that if I got everything out in the open, we could work through the issue and then it would result in me having 0 enemies on the tribe. This obviously failed, and resulted in me having 4 enemies. The logic was though that I thought we could’ve worked together really well and by talking to you about the situation, we could work through it and still have a chance of working together, and I also didn’t think Ash would mind at the time because I asked her if I could talk to you about it and she said yes.

For my attitude on Hizoku, I actually tried to be positive but I guess I never did that. I’m quite a deadpan person irl and on the ORG so I definitely think that contributes to me giving a negative vibe. The reason why I whined was because I continued to try to get myself out of the minority and continually failed, partially due to, like you said, the failures in my execution and partially due to the hold that Ash, Matt and you had on the tribe.

Entitlement: I was definitely entitled throughout the game and that was something that I should’ve dealt with earlier. When I found myself in the minority early on, at the time I felt it was unwarranted. Looking back, I realise that I could’ve easily got myself out of that position had I played the game differently, but at that current point in time I was very focused on the narrative that I was a victim who was doomed from the start. Because I accepted that narrative before it had even been written, I was pushy in challenges to make sure that we won as a tribe and I wouldn’t be eliminated, and also for Rishiri purposes. I definitely took it too far in certain cases, such as the typing one where it would’ve just been easier for me to swallow my pride and not do it (although I am a quick typer!), but the logic for doing it was that I believed that me and Jared could’ve both gone to Rishiri and then we would’ve been able to get items to protect ourselves. I definitely should’ve focused on saving myself socially at that point in time, and that was a mistake on my behalf which featured throughout the game.

Paranoia I covered in question 1!

The begging was dumb and I should’ve provided a logical argument more than I did. My motive for doing was simply because I put so much effort into it and I really didn’t want it to be over. This is the one section that I can’t provide a logical explanation to because it purely fuelled on emotion and not logic. I know it’s definitely not the answer you’re looking for and it’s selfish (as if I’m the only one who put effort in and didn’t want it to be over) but for a lot of the game I foolishly looked through the Jamie lens and not the lens of others. As for why you should give a fuck about whether it’s my last ORG or not, you shouldn’t lol. And you didn’t, which was the right thing to do.

I don’t think I was the only person on the bottom for a good portion of the game but for periods of the game I believed I was the only person who was on the bottom for unjust reasons. Now, reading all the explanations and speeches, I realise I was DEFINITELY wrong and simply didn’t have all the information that I should’ve before reaching that conclusion. It ties back to me acting like a victim, once the victim mentality began for me, it never really ended until right now when I feel like these jury speeches have been a slap across the face to wake up.

Me being disliked socially was definitely my problem not everyone else’s. My reasoning for thinking that was because I thought that others had been tainted against me, but I realise it was definitely my negative personality and victim status and petty outbursts that tainted people, not others. Although in some cases, such as Alex who I know was against me even though I hadn’t done anything, I do believe I had some innocence, but I believe for the vast majority of situations, I was in the wrong.

My jury management skills have been AWFUL and I’m truly getting the full force of it right now haha. To address all the social awareness issues: I’ve addressed the one with Ash and the whole duo thing; running to Matt with information I believed would turn him against you, and further unite us. I thought that by doing that then I could get myself back into a group, and I genuinely didn’t think he’d run back to you. Obviously I was wrong and it pushed me into an even worse position, but I did learn from this and never told anyone anything Matt told me, and me and Matt strategised quite a lot on Hizoku. Blaming Ash for the GIF challenge was a huge mistake on my part, she didn’t do it. My reason for blaming her was because I genuinely thought she did it and that the swap was next, and I probably wouldn’t have to deal with her then. That’s stupid but my brain right then was stupid.

Editing Ash’s page was petty and I didn’t look to see future implications of it. The logical reason was that I thought it’d show how I only had one option of working with someone, and that was you. The reason was also because when you told the hosts about Ash, I thought there was no way you would be able to work with her again and by doing this, I put myself in the same position. Unfortunately for me, your social game is better than mine and you were able to recover from it but I never was, so it was stupid.

The parchment I have no justification for. It was wrong and a stupid move.

Telling Chris he was going was in order to gain a jury vote and also to keep my loyalty to him as a friend. I knew that by telling him and asking to vote him, not only would my conscience feel better knowing I didn’t just vote him out, even when it didn’t benefit my game, without telling him but I also knew that he would be rallying for me in the jury.

For Brett surviving, I believed more was at fault with his game than Claire’s. Claire may have been under-the-radar, but Claire had a really strong social game and everyone loved her. The jury has placed a lot of emphasis on the social game so far, and if Claire was here then she had an exemplar social game. I also knew that if the jury was against me, it didn’t matter who I took, so if I took Brett then the jury would see his strategic flaws. Although my social game was very poor, I believe Brett’s strategic blunders are much more impactful.

And yes, both of yours and Chris’ speeches have been major wake up calls, and like I said to Chris, thanks. All of my moves had good intentions and sans the parchment, many could have worked. Many of the strategies here did in fact work on my previous seasons, for example, Generations. I got myself into a good position in Generations doing almost the same thing that I did here on Hizoku, it’s just I didn’t judge the people correctly this time around and alter my gameplay, which was a fault on my own part. I also changed significantly and became much less bubbly over the past year, and I think the strategies that I employed can only work with an upbeat, bubbly personality, which I don’t have anymore. Not saying it’s a bad thing that I got less bubbly, but it is something that I definitely should’ve factored into my gameplay this season.

3. It depends what’s classified as a regret. My biggest regret for an individual action is the parchment, but my biggest regret in general in my poor social game (which the parchment fits into).

I think that had I just not acted entitled and domineering on Hizoku, the game could’ve easily worked out very differently, and I could’ve been in a position where I had much more control. I think if I was more bubbly in the pre-merge like I was in my previous seasons, I could’ve definitely advanced much further and had I been nicer to people in the post-merge, I wouldn’t be seeing the backlash that I am now. I also think it’s a huge mistake because I do believe it’s detracting from benefits of my game which are now becoming hard to see due to the consistent failures of my social game.

It created pretty much all the issues that I saw throughout the season and it had easy remedies — either just DON’T be a bitch, or apologise and change how I acted. And it’s funny because with certain people this time, I actually had a stronger social game. With Claire and Brett, for example, I spent ages talking to them and it was very positive and we all got on well. I just needed to transfer that to everyone, and I failed to do that, and that’s my biggest mistake in the game.

4. I need to sleep but I'll edit it in tomorrow!!! It's taking much longer than I thought lmao, I already have like 5 of them but I just need the rest, but I'm tryna find really solid songs which ACTUALLY describe people perfectly.