It's Survivor, Bitch/Confessionals

Day 34
"thanonchai"

- Well maybe I was just making up crack conspiracy theories in my head because it ended up being a 4-2 with Jake voting with us against Pris, and the other two voting for Maya. Either way, now I have the majority and can hopefully make it to the end of this game simply, but as this game has shown, nothing is simple.

"thanonchai"

- So I am wondering if Jake flipped because he truly believed that a girls alliance was forming. Hopefully me acting like Maya was going rogue, and saying that we need to take out Priscilla to prevent any potential girls alliance from forming struck a chord with him that got him to lock in on Priscilla. Also, thank you hosts for an orisinal game ❤ I am surprisingly good at these things, which is weird because prior to this season I'm pretty sure I hated them and never had the patience to do well. Currently my highest score for this game is in the mid 7000s, but Clifford doesn't need to know that, no one does. This is the score that I am probably going to submit because I doubt anyone will be able to match me on that. With how tedious it is, matched with how missing one heart is basically game over, I doubt anyone will have racked up anywhere near that many points, or at least I hope not. I would love to win immunity AND an idol clue right now, and just easily FINALLY send Jake out of this game in 5th.

"thanonchai"

- I went out at Final 5 last time so you think I would be up all night trying to get a great score. But Jace and Jake will be chasing this enough that I'm not going to bother. Jace's game is completely dependant on winning immunities or being immune from idols. My entire game is based on being completely vulnerable and still getting to the next round. So if I get iced at F5 again... I deserve it. But I don't know about that. I think I'm getting to F4. Call me optimistic.

"thanonchai"

- Considering we are at day 34 right now at the FINAL 5 IMMUNITY/REWARD, it seems to me that there is either going to be a final 2, or a jury removal twist. I kinda hope I am wrong about this because I really don't want to have to win yet ANOTHER challenge.

"thanonchai"

- me after i lose immunity Katya burned Alaska to SNAP!

Day 35
"thanonchai"

- Day 35 tribal council at the final 5? Definitely a final two. I mean I didn't plan on losing immunity from here on out ANYWAY, but now it just makes the challenge harder. I think I want to take Maya to the end because she has been my closest ally this entire game, and I know that people see me as the ring leader in our partnership. If people respect the moves made, they will vote for me.

"thanonchai"

- Jesus christ Clifford. Of course now he wants to take out Rhi instead of FINALLY GETTING RID OF JAKE. Watch, we will keep Jake in and then he will try his hardest at the immunity challenge and win. I know that I am going to have to listen to his stupid ass plan because if I don't, he will just flip and take out Maya, then go to the final three with Jake and Rhi.

"thanonchai"

- MAYYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG......... She accidentally messaged Cliff thinking it was me saying "we should do what Clifford says or he will flip and vote me out." AKSJNFKJNKJWENGKJNEKFJNWEKJNWEKJGNG F U C K....... So my plan now is to first try to calm down Clifford when he is available to talk, and if I feel like that is going south, try to get Rhi or Jake on board with voting out the other. I think I have a better shot at flipping Jake since he not only just voted with our group instead of Rhi, but he also threw her name out to me about how she is a bigger threat than him and should go home. Definitely a lot trickier now because of this blunder, but hopefully I can pull something out regardless.

"thanonchai"

- unfortunately i had an ounce of hope that cliff wasn't a complete fucking moron. now hes considering voting out rhi and letting jace/maya comp beast duo to the final four.... bihhhhhh...

like how dumb can you be. you cant put two and two together that they win every tiebreaker? so theyre bascially guaranteed final 3... and you lose to both of them..... i feel like im playing with sugar kiper here tho way less likable and way more hairy.

i think i changed his mind by telling him i'm cutting rhi if jace wins immunity but jfc get a fucking grip

"thanonchai"

- Fuck you Clifford. Maya getting confused and messaging you instead of me with a valid concern of you feeling ostracized and flipping not only is not a big deal, but also was NOT my fucking mistake. So how dare you come to me and say that my gameplay is weak and selfish when you haven't even been respected in this game since the merge. I can't vote him out because me going into the final 4 with Jake and Rhi would be downright idiotic, but Clifford is probably going to make the stupid ass, SELFISH, move of voting out Maya because he knows he isn't going to fucking win so he is going to flip out of spite and make it that much harder for me to win. You know what Clifford, I hope you do make final tribal council so Eva AND Julia can: A. Pretend you don't exist. B. Tear you apart It is unfortunate because ever since we truced I really was beginning to like talking to you again and you gained a lot more respect from me, but you throwing a temper tantrum over Maya saying ""Let's vote how Clifford wants to or he might flip"" is so ridiculous that you are back at square 1. Right now I really don't know what I am going to do, I guess I will carry out the idea to talk to Jake now because, fuck Clifford, his petty ass is likely going to try to get a move together with Rhi and Jake to take out Maya. CLIFFORD WHEN I WIN FINAL FOUR IMMUNITY AND THEY VOTE YOU OUT, REMEMBER THAT YOU HAD A SOLID FINAL THREE YOU FUCKED UP!!!!

"thanonchai"

- Jake said he wants Rhi out, but just can't bring himself to vote for her. He said he is willing to throw a vote. He couldnt be flat out lying which would not be a shock to me, but now I need to just get Clifford back on board instead of pouting in the corner over Maya thinking he could flip.

"thanonchai"

- I also need to keep Clifford in this game to prove to him that I am not "reactive" because if I was reactive his ass would be walking onto the jury tonight.

"thanonchai"

- Nvm, fuck keeping him in this game. He just blatantly said he is over us in this game, and Jake said he voted for Clifford so why not join in on that and take Clifford out? Clifford is right, Maya will force a tie for me, so guess what, I need her more than him. I'm not gonna save Clifford in this game just to prove a point. If Jake voted for Maya, her fate is sealed anyway, so might as well go where the numbers MIGHT be in this instance. See ya Uncle Cliffy, you played and screwed yourself by getting too emotional over something that didn't need to be blown up.

"thanonchai"

- I wanted to make a big deal out of voting Maya so when FTC comes I can leverage the emotions of the moment and justify the decision, if I'm sitting in FTC like my trajectory is most likely taking me. I think I was smart about the Julia and Pris vote but this decision is all based on whether it's an F3 or an F2 and I'm banking on it being an F2. It's the only scenario I possibly win at. If I'm sitting in an F2 against Jake. It's my only shot and even then it's far-fetched. 99% I lost this game at F13 but doesn't change the fact that my strategy is on point, I'm cutting throats left right and centre and I maintain my reputation as a dangerous player. I don't want to be Jace's goat to be honest. He has played a great game and is the Ozzy of this season but if I'm going to lose to anyone, I want it to be Jake, because he's my rival and I like a complete story.

"thanonchai"

- Me when Maya is going to self vote herself out of this game :))))))))))))))))))

Day 36
"thanonchai"

- MAYWEATHER VS. MCGREGOR WHO? THIS CHALLENGE IS JACE VS. CLIFFORD, AND I'M GONNA CONTINUE MY STREAK.

"thanonchai"

- I know how to win this challenge. I just need to ensure that after every turn, Clifford has a multiple of five to choose from. Thank god I am going first.

"thanonchai"

- B O O M! JUST BLEW CLIFFORD O U T OF THIS CHALLENGE. Now I need to replicate that exact same approach for round two, and I'LL BE IMMUNE AGAIN!!!

"thanonchai"

- OOP, Rhi is bitter. https://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/scarfheroes/images/b/bd/Don%27t_get_bitter.gif/revision/latest?cb=20150322141929

Day 37
"thanonchai"

- idec what happens at this point i just want me or rhi to win… if jace or cliff won this season it’d literally be so fucking ugly. idec if rhi going is best for my game or whatever. i made it this far and played an iconic game and thats what i set out to do. i stay with my ride or die all the way to the end. me and rhi were down 7-2 at the final 9 and we fought to get here. aint no way in hell are we turning our backs on each other now. cliff, sorry bud. i lied. it’s survivor, bitch.

"thanonchai"

- I am being bombarded with people trying to get me to vote with them. Rhi's pitch lowkey didn't even make sense, but I THINK she wants me to vote for Jake. Clifford and Jake want me to vote for Rhi, and Clifford claims that Rhi has already voted for him... DSKJFNJWEKNF. I guess I have to go with Rhi tonight, which is kinda what i wanted to happen anyway. The scary thing is that Rhi sees Jake as a bigger threat than her, and Jake sees Rhi as a bigger threat than him. This means that either both are just bsing so that they are saved, or that BOTH of them are huge threats to win. Considering it is shaping up to be Cliff and Jake vs. Rhi, my options are either to try to take out Jake with a tie, which Rhi would probably lose, leaving Jake in the game resentful towards me, OR to just vote out Rhi, split up Jake and Rhi, and then hopefully make it to the end. Rhi seems to be going hard in these challenges at the end which is making me nervous, and she DID beat Jake in the first round of that immunity. I'll probably go with the safe option of Rhi, but in all honestly, I don't care either way.

"thanonchai"

- Wow, Miss Rhi is REALLY bitter about that immunity, huh. Well, I should have expected Jake to be blatantly lying, I guess he doesn't care about the potential for her to beat him at FTC. Now the real issue is which one do I bring if I end up winning final immunity (if it actually is a final 2, which I'm lowkey skeptical of now). Jake is obviously flashier, and has been a massive target which he has been able to survive despite having not won any immunities, or we have Rhi who clearly has more friends on the jury, and can easily take and be given credit for Jake's moves. I have learned that on a jury, if someone has enough sway, they can convince a large chunk of the majority to vote something that may not even be deserving (eyes @Seth winning in Chile because of Heather being on the jury). If I win final immunity... My god it is going to be hard to figure out.

"thanonchai"

- So straight up strategy talk. I'm almost certain Jake just lost the game. I honestly believe his only chances were up against me. I wanted to see the rivals F2 so bad. Thought it would make a great narrative for the season. He gloated to me in private after being like "remember that feeling you're feeling right now" which tells me it has always been personal with him and never about the game. Which is too bad because the things that make you a good player are always "what will make you a good player to the jury." I had a harder path. I needed to become willingly hated to try to turn a heavy strategic reputation into a goat arc but at the end I trust my skills as an orator to justify my moves and can easily say I pulled off a path to the end that was more difficult and took on more heat than any other player would have been willing to put themselves through. A lot of my game was about taking on heat to leverage my position and polarize my competition into making extreme decisions that reveal their cards. People are more honest when they're polarized. That's why Trump as a figurehead is showing how people in the alt-right are racist and homophobic and they feel permission to be that way because of Trump's presence and the alt-left are trying to become a police state by censoring and controlling everything people say and do. People are grasping at straws and honest true colours are coming out due to the strategy of Polarization. It's the same strategy Putin, Hitler, and even Taylor Swift use gain themselves a better position of power. Jake wrote to me and said "You saw my Tokelu game and you should know I take my ride or die to the end!!!" lol I'm like yeah....I saw your Tokelu game.... you lost. What a dildo. He just turned 19 so he has a lot to learn. Go through a marriage or any long term relationship and you'll know loyalty doesn't mean as much as you thought it would when human selfishness is at the core of every individual. Jake not cutting Rhi is predictable and his loyalty is Rhi's best move. He doesn't see it. He doesn't get it. I think Rhi has a better chance at winning this game. I was banking on Jake being a smarter player. If I win this tiebreaker, he will take me to the end and most likely lose against me. Because I can bury his moves as being spineless where she reaped all the benefits without taking on any of the heat. It's not hard to say "Jake wouldn't be here if he didn't have Rhi. I wouldn't be here if I didn't have myself." Big difference. And if I was at F2 with him slinging rhetoric of Rhi controlling his moves and him not giving his ally proper attribution I would have a strong campaign. That being said, a part of me wants to throw this challenge because I think my part of this story is over. The rival bested me, or so he thinks, I throw the challenge just so I can watch him lose from the jury bench because he's completely blind to his folly. Poor kid. I really do like him and wish him the best. If he gets to the end with Rhi I really hope he stands a chance and defends his game well. I would like to see any of these three win to be honest. I ain't mad. I get that people don't operate in terms of game-bottyness the same way as I do and don't break down people and relationships to moves and positioning. He did in a sense do that with me, he was right about the positioning, it put him in a position to be at the end, but it was the wrong move because it didn't put him in a position to win. After this game, and I go throw the shakes of island flashbacks, reliving what I did right and what I did wrong, I'm going to go onto win BBCAN6. Then I'm going to take that 100k and start an empire. That's just what's up. I am once quoted saying if you're not a winner, you're a loser. I would live and die by this fear of being a lose until years of alcohol abuse taught me to redefine what winning really means. So let me tell you how I won this game. I won by being a big personality, who entertained the VL in a game that's meant to be fun and entertaining. I won by playing with my heart on my sleeve and bring a raw vulnerability to the game, intensifying the other players, making them play that much harder. I won by not being afraid to take big risks and make big moves. I won by putting my ego aside and letting my reputation get shredded in the name of progress. I won by playing again in spite of my reputation and doing everything I can to contribute to a great season in a game I love and respect. That's how I won and I'm cool with that. I'm happy with who I am and respect myself for the way I played. It's a game with no prize but there is a prize. THE STORY. Of course that's the prize! We pass these stories on and on and that's why we do this and reminisce over our games. And whether anyone wants to admit it or not, a lot of us are attracted to these sadistic games of winning and losing because of the ways we lost in real life. People call it an escape but it's not. It's an amplification. An amplification of all the things that brought you here in the first place. Sometimes... I wish I was a different person. Like, I wish I wasn't like this. A lot of the time I feel like I'm a loser because I'm a struggling comedian, because I'm fat, because I'm a recovering alcoholic, because I'm poor, because I have a depression and anxiety. But all those things make me who I am and one of things the games have taught me is to take your weaknesses and play with them. Take your downfalls and use them to your advantage. Get yourself ahead. Survive. This season... I may not be the last one standing and I wouldn't go as far as saying this was my last stand... but it certainly was spectacular. It was such a good season. I'm happy to have been casted, I'm happy to have entertained people through this medium, and I want to go out with my head held high knowing that these games mean something to me and I take every lesson I learn here and apply to my own life to create goodness. Because I believe in a braver, kinder world and I don't we get there if we don't understand or delve into the darkness. If we don't get why the world is polarized and see the strategies of the rich and powerful. The strategic lies from the media and applications we use. Our entire culture is built on lies and false perceptions. The more we understand that...the closer we'll get to love. It's like on Shawshank Redemption.... sometimes you have to crawl through ten football fields worth of shit just to get to the other side. Thanks for everything. - Clifford

"thanonchai"

- i rly am shook about my storyline for this game. i feel like ive been a target this entire game and i got myself here in the final three of this game on my damn own. it took some luck which i will acknowledge, but it sure took a lot hell more than that to get here.

i didnt even get votes at the final 6, 5 AND 4… like BITCH IM SHOOK, everyone keeps talking ab how much of a threat i am yet they could never take me out. me and rhi both got to the final 4 as an obvious duo and i think that speaks VOLUMES. girl’s gonna kick ass in the tiebreaker and if she doesn’t pull through i’m winning this for her.

ngl rhi losing the tiebreaker could be rly great for my game if its a final 3… but rhi deserves to be in the end with me like i want her there just as bad as i want myself there. im loyal as FUCK to my ride or die in every game i play and i honestly play for both of us to win. as long as one of us wins this game, i’ll feel great about it.

jace and cliff were both great players this season im not denying that. there’s just so much adversity that me and rhi had to go through, our storylines are so much more compelling as winners. we didnt win any immunity to get us here, we had to fight each and every day on our own to get here.

i really hope its not a final 2 because i do not want another challenge for jace to win and then cut me because he WILL no matter whos there with me. if i can win that final immunity and take out jace id feel like that would be the cherry on top of my game but that would be VERY difficult to beat jace in a challenge.

i pulled off some dope ass shit this season and hell yeah im proud! no matter who tries to come for me on that jury they rly can never take that away from me. this game is so close to the end and the crown is on the tip of my fingers and i want it sooo bad and there aint nothing no one can do to stop me from getting it.

Day 38
"thanonchai"

- This is pretty good for me. Rhi is gone, Jake and Rhi are split up, and now I have a chance at making it to the end with a goat that would take me to the end in the off chance that he won final immunity. Something that concerns me is that Jake told Clifford that he has been downplaying his challenge strength so far and plans on going all out in this final immunity challenge. I can't say that I didn't expect this, as I knew that Jake did very well on many premerge challenges. Hopefully even with him going all out, I still am able to beat him and make it to the end of this game. I think that I have a pretty good shot at winning regardless of who I am next to, but obviously I have a much better shot against Clifford as he is someone that has been very bad at jury management, had the same allies for me for the most part, and is simply less liked. There are people on the jury that I know would never vote for him, and just that fact alone means that I have an advantage. Another thing that may be happening is a surprise final 3. Even though things have been shaping up to be a final 2, my tribal question about if this game is going to be a final 2 or a final 3, the question for Clifford about if final 3 talks were in the works, and the fact that Chris was being sketchy in the chat on the subject of the game being a final 2 or a final 3 makes me think otherwise. It seems like an obvious final 2 based on the days, so why would there be so many questions being asked about it unless it was meant to fake us out and cause us to adjust our game strategy to plan for a final 2. I know that Maya would likely still be here if Clifford hadn't believed the game was going to be a final 2 because he knew that I was going to take her over him.

"thanonchai"

- im praying that this 24 person season isnt a final 2 lol. if jace wins hes taking cliff and then a jace/cliff f2 would be so ugly idek who id vote for lol

"thanonchai"

- So Jake said he is leaning towards taking me to the end, and so is Clifford. Do I actually not have a chance to win this? Ive been proud of my game so far and I need to maintain that. Cliff's social game has been too abysmal to really be able to win this game. Jake thinks that Clifford has played the strongest game out of anyone, but the fact that Clifford literally told me that he wanted me to vote for him at the Rhi tribal is really discrediting because he was basically done with playing this game. How can that be rewarded? Jake thinks that he has a better case against me on the jury and I know it's because of my immunity wins. He thinks that winning immunities is a crutch even though I never stopped strategizing or socializing just because I was immune. I think Jake may not expect me to win, but would be surprised.

"thanonchai"

- CLIFFORD IS FUCKING CRAZY SKJDNJKWGENJKERWNGJKERNJKREH. He literally WANTS to be voted out..... I'm..... Well if I win final immunity, I have a pretty easy decision because there is no way I am voting out someone that doesn't even WANT to be in the end. Jake hates him, Eva hates him, I would win hands down no matter how hard Clifford fights. It seems that he wont even have the heart to put in at FTC. It is kind of annoying to me because I have put my heart and soul into this game, and this isn't the first time that Clifford wanted to go home.

"thanonchai"

- Though I would have loved to take Clifford to the end of this game because it would give me a better shot at winning, I will respect his decision in terms of his mental health. I would hate to have anyone suffer with a mental illness as a result of a decision that I made. Though it will make it more of an uphill battle for me, I need to make the more humane decision here and vote him out if I win immunity. I hope he feels better once the season is over and done with.

"thanonchai"

- Jake is probably trying to beat me in the tiebreaker just so I don't get the record, removing that from my resume. Petty. He has been doing this challenge for long enough, its obvious he's trying to get it perfect. Oh well, I still tied the record regardless.

"thanonchai"

- I'm not happy with how I'm leaving but I know it's for the best. These games get the best of me and I can't separate the games from real life. I'm just one of those people who get too buried in something once they set themselves on that path. But I want to leave on a happy know so here's some highlights of the season for me.

- Priscilla's Goat Speech made me bust a gut - Julia dragging anyone who got in her way - Me and Yannick accidentally voting Jace with the secret majority only to see an idol played - Nuno's trolling when I got an idol answer wrong - Yannick's ongoing saga of trying to date sisters - Rhi dragging Jace for winning Random.org - Chris playing Jake's parchment on me - my Stan parody for Sim (sorry dude, it was funny at the time) - The Samsao degrassi-themed flag that lost horribly - Winning the merge immunity and the F4 tie-breaker - Doing Rites of Passage for the first time ever - Having fun with my VL posts

The hosts have been something special. A lot of them were players I respected before coming into the game but they really shined as hosts. Incredibly supportive and understanding, mediated some tough situations, but most importantly always kept the game on track.

The players were incredible and I think everyone worked hard to contribute to a great season.

At the end of the day this is a game for no prize but we will always have our stories. I'm not exactly sure what my story is. I know it's not one of redemption. I had a big downfall my first season and an even bigger downfall this season. No one to blame but myself.

Hopefully life outside of here isn't one continuous downfall. That I treat people kindly, don't step on others to get ahead, redefine what ""winning"" really means to me and most importantly inspire others to accept themselves for their strengths and their weaknesses and muscle through it. Even when you can't go any further, when you fail yourself or fall short, just take everything you've learned and apply it to changing yourself for the better.

And just like that, it's over.

- Clifford. Thank you.

Day 39
"thanonchai"

- This game has been such a journey for me. I entered as a nervous wreck that always faded into the side lines due to anxiety and shyness. I broke out of my shell and really showed myself and the ORG that I can be a social threat and a physical dominator. I didn't give up for a second and I believe I played to the best of my ability. I had social aspects, strategic aspects, clearly was the biggest physical threat of the season, and also had good intuition on many things that went down in this game. Hopefully the jury respects me and my gameplay enough to reward me with a win, but I have already had a personal victory making and this far and doing as well as I did.

"thanonchai"

- im really upset with how this game ended. it rly didn’t end on a great note for me and it’s made me rethink everything ive said in this game and how i lashed out on people when i got frustrated. i literally feel like shit about it and i completely understand if these people dont give me the win. i think my game was superior to jace, but at least his social game was a lot better than mine and didnt randomly lash out like an asshole to ppl???

aside from that i think i played the best game i possibly could have this season. there’s absolutely no regrets in anything i could have done, strategically. it’s really fucking hard to get to the final two after being in the minority the entire merge, but i fucking did it. i did THAT and even if the jury can’t see that, i can be proud of myself and hype my own damn self up about it!!! i love these hosts for casting me and making this season so great and i even lashed out at yall when i got frustrated god im so fucking sorry for that. i need to like grow up or something. this game honestly has allowed me to not only grow as a player, but more importantly, grow as a fucking human being. life is too short going around spreading negativity. i took this game way too seriously and at times, took the fun away from myself and others. all i can do from now is grow from it and move on with life.

also rhi was robbed she should have won bye