Why Can't I Be A Sociopath/Confessionals

Day 33
"njano"

- I TOLD EVERY1 I THINK SOMETHINGS UP AND ITS GONNA BE ME, AND WHAT DO YA KNOW THERE WAS A PLAN TO VOTE ME OUT!!!!!!!!

but people are IDIOTS like... either cali/natalia went into the vote 2 votes on me fucking expecting that to be enough which is the dumbest thing ive ever heard or people are lying about their involvement knowing about it.... but like the latter makes no sense because if you knew there was a plan to vote me out and you werent going to vote me out WHY DIDNT YOU SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT!?!?!?

this makes NO sense but regardless these people had a chance to vote me out, they didn't and im gonna fkin fight and make damn sure they regret it now

"njano"

- If Evan doesn't win this challenge, i swear he goes home

"njano"

- The boys are all confused by the previous vote. Me and nicole are trying to pin it on confusion and i'm even acting like confused. Like what happened? Lol nicole said that it'would be a bad idea to tell them we knew the plan so we act like we don't know. The only person from the boys i don't wanna lose for next vote is jack. So i have to tell a valid story for now and me n nicole are synchronizing what we tell them. We asked cali not to tell the truth too

"njano"

- Easy vote was easy! But my god. Natalia. Get a grip woman! She says we're handing the win to Chris and Evan but like.... you didn't communicate to any of us that you wanted Chris out?? Her plan apparently was a 3-3-1 with her Cali and Nora voting Chris. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT THE SMART PLAY? Why wouldn't you just ask me or Nicole instead of hoping we'd split and forcing a tie fucking vote/hoping for an idol play. Like... think for a second. Honestly don't know why she was suggesting that when she didn't make a single initiative to get that vote to go her way. Oh well, it was our plan anyways and it worked she's gone now.

Nicole offered me a final 2, and I genuinely don't think I've made a final 2 deal with someone in like 3 years. I took it. I think I can beat Nicole (or at least will be competitive), I trust her the most in this game, and we both know what we have to do. Chris and Evan are in our sights, I love 'em both but it's time to take them out. Nora is a wildcard and she can go 4th, Cali is thoroughly irrelevant (at time of writing she hasn't been online in 4.5 hours and this challenge is stalling as a result) and will be 3rd via final juror or goat if it's a final 3. And we get two Sinai reps at FTC which would be super cute. Will would probably vote for her over me by default but oh well can't sweep the jury every time (he would know) (rip). So now whoever doesn't win immunity will go home ideally, it does largely hinge on Cali but like even if she has left me on read for 5 days and never talks game with me surely she must know she's gotta take them out right? Right? God, even in orgs I get ghosted

"njano"

- Not feeling good after betraying Natalia. She was an icon. I did some backstabs this season but clearly, hers was the most dirty after her accepting twice to make an alliance with me even if she probably had some motives. We promised each other a f3 w her me cali. I was ready to lose against her if that f3 really has reached the end. But like my ambition and my hunger of domination took the best of me, the dark side beated the bright side and I did what I did yesterday. Actually, it was not under my control too, from the moment nicole decided to go after her, it was a 4 vs 3 for sure and i didn't feel like putting myself in the minority again, specially with Jack counting on me that vote! I know that Natalia was on my side. I feel like i burn every bridge I have w people these last rounds and that's not good!

"njano"

- Remember when I was emo about Natalia going, okay scratch that because apparently she wanted to kill off Chris behind my back, I’M NOT MAD AT HER EITHER it was game vs. game and I had to prevail.

Thing is though there was some mystery as to why Cali/Natalia would throw their votes to Chris when Jack was denying any knowledge, come to find out I think they tried to rope in Nora as their 3rd vote and thought they could pull some 3-3-1? Lmao idk the execution could’ve been better though bc I will bet my balls had they told Jack they could’ve done a 4-3 straight up against Chris.

Honestly my confs are probably gonna get shorter now because now we’re just at the point where rubber meets the road and execution needs to win out. We’re doing color grid now and I don’t expect to win but I NEEEEED Chris or Nicole to win, so that way we can control the votes this round as long as we vote together because of Nicole’s rock draw pass. I really have my doubts on if none of us win if she would give up her idol to save us 3 in particular, she individually has expressed to me about targeting Chris around F5 potentially and whether or not we can beat him .. if anything I still think Chris becomes the target?

But this round just feels weird .. Nicole’s obviously gonna be a good friend of mine regardless of how this game ends for us but if she really wanted to she could just kill either me or Chris this round without any remorse. Thing is I do think for THIS ROUND, JUST THIS F6 ROUND, there is no benefit for her to do so because killing one of us runs the risk of the one standing winning immunity and her becoming the #1 target.. to which she has the idol but then she's just targeted at F4 idk yeah now it's TRICKY.

Chris and I have talked about it though and it’s going to be a really hard sell to get Nicole on board with us at F5 .. I already know she said maybe that’s the round Chris goes, I would probably just vote alongside Chris in that case, but let’s say if he’s immune idk if Nicole wants to go to f4 with two winners like that. I plan on planting the seed that Cali has the most dangerous jury case rn because she can get literally every jurors vote rn except for Will.

On a side note talking to Nora has just been more grating and grating.. she’s clearly targeting me still and wanted Nicole to idol me out at the Jino vote (LMFAO) which makes me WORRIED if Nicole has something going on with Nora and wants to drag her to the end.. but I still do think enough damage was done to their relationship and idt Nicole would go out her way to vent ab Nora if she planned on goating her. But back to talking with Nora the talks just feel meaningless rn, like she keeps trying to pry information out of me yet tells me nothing? Wtf is her game?

I’m at a point now where strategizing has just become simple and I have to trust the bonds I’ve formed this season. I’m still maintaining a steady relationship with Jack because I do think he’d rather see Chris go before me, then with Cali it’s a little trickier but I’m hinting to her she still has a hope left rn and a friend in me if she needs.

"njano"

- I don't know what it is but CALI, I don't like anything about her. I don't want anyone to think i'm a b i t c h but, the girl is stupid. Everybody thinks her jokes are funny and they laughing and im laughing like hehehehehe im about to vote you off

"njano"

- they voted Chris. *pretends to be shocked* it works out anyway but eh now Chris is paranoid, he's logical and knows that Cali/Natalia would only vote him if they thought they had the votes. which like yes that is a logical conclusion to come to but... lmao they didn't even have the votes and they knew that bc I straight up said no! anyway, he's utterly confused and I'd be too if I was him like it's either they vote him out or they tell him about Natalia/Cali's plan to gain more loyalty. that makes 100% sense, why are me and Nora not doing that? Nora isn't doing that because I told her not to and I'm not doing that because I want to vote Chris out this round for real and it'll be easier to know the easiest way to get it done if he thinks that the other side isn't close to/won't approach me and also it causes him to be paranoid at jack/nora.

"njano"

- "cali's apologizing to me for lying about voting Nora... which uhm is a choice considering I didn't vote Nora anyway and I arguably lied to her more but anyway she's alone now for real and has Chris coming after her this is the perfect time to swoop in and be the hero in her narrative offering her support talking to her and getting her target Chris out this round. Woop! time to secure the last f2 deal within the next 24 hours. wait Nicole last??????? as in the final one?? yes, I have FTC deals with practically everyone outside of Cali.

Evan said he'd bring me to the end, I genuinely believe it and on top of that we have that f3 with Chris that he definitely sounds like he wants to remain loyal to

Nora f2ed me all the way back in Torrobo 2.0 and I don't see why it would've changed since then considering I was literally in the ftc in her boot list and Evan has destroyed any chance of him being her f2.

Chris has implied it and I don't see why he'd take Evan over me I definitely sound like the easier matchup when it comes to the surface level. oh yes, this is implying that I think he'll stick with the f3 which is true I do think that but that doesn't mean I will lmao he's first on my chopping list.

Jack and I talked about it on Monday and we made Sinai f2 real, it makes sense from a game perspective for him to f2 me. He finds Nora rather.. well.. we know how Nora is, Cali seems him on seen and he knows Chris/Evan are threats.

so Cali is the last one left... you'll definitely be hearing an update when it comes to that."

"njano"

- "f2 with Cali has been achieved. we were in the middle of a conversation about Trent and his disappointment. I thought his disappointment was at me like not telling him that he was being voted out or some shit like that but apparently it's the three-headed snake thing lmao. anyway let me grab a quote

""I WILL MAKE U THIS PROMISE IF WE END UP IN THE FINAL 3 TOGETBER I WILL INCLUDE A PARAGRAPH LONG DISCLAIMER PROVING UR INNOCENCE YES. THIS IS ALSO ME HEAVILY IMPLYING I WOULD LOVE TO MAKE ENDGAME WITH YOU""

ya, I didn't even have to ask for it like I didn't have to ask for any of these f2s except for jack kind of. I'm in a great spot right now both in the game in general and in immunity lmao I feel like I really psychoanalyzed tf outta that challenge I don't see a situation where I don't win."

"njano"

- "who do I want to sit next to in the end? that's the question... what's the boot order?... it's time to be like Nora/Courtney and make a boot list.

6: Chris

5: Evan/Cali

4: Evan/Cali

3: Jack

Chris is the biggest threat and it's simply undisputed like I said in some of my confs last round I've been wanting to get him out for quite the while now there's no way in hell the jury doesn't respect his game despite what he says and he's also good at FTC and appealing to people. So simply if I sit next to him in FTC I'm going to straight-up lose so let's not go with that option.

Evan and Chris are ""partners in crime"" although I'd say Evan is also kind of my duo (in a sad one-sided way where I backstab him). Despite he/Chris playing somewhat similar games and being involved in the same moves, I feel like I'd have a better case against Evan because I've had more control over the last couple rounds when compared to him especially if I get Chris out right now. like his whole Nora rivalry is the reason why he's a lesser threat than Chris. there's a chance he'll win immunity but if he doesn't he's going home whether or not the blood will be on my hands on a surface level is something I'm still deciding.

Cali like Chris has said has friends on the jury, ideally votes would be determined by like gameplay rather than just being friends but sadly this is a factor I have to consider, Trent/Alex/jino/Natalia all like Cali and no ones trying to hide it that's why I'd cut Cali at f4 right before where I think FTC will be and have her as backup in case Evan wins immunity at f5.

now, why have I written jack at 3? because despite me thinking it'll be an f3 some people (Evan/Chris) have been debating about it potentially being an f2 so I suppose I'll plan for that as well. jack has been labelled a goat and inactive but like if you look at it carefully he's been utilizing that and hella props to him for that. he's been in the majority in literally every single tribal he's attended up until this point and he's always been informed. although I don't think he has had actual control over a particular vote he still has a better case than Nora.

Nora. I've thought about this a lot, I didn't know if I want to deal with the stress/ache of having Nora as an ally like would it be worth it? I ultimately decided that yes I should bring Nora to FTC I believe that I have a better case than her despite her probably having better speech skills than me (but then again I'm the Amanda of FTC performance in the org so literally take any rando and they'd be better than me). She's been more paranoid and emotional in this game and I've had more control over the votes and people in general. I have better social connections and more solid alliances, so yeah I feel like my best shot is against Nora so I want her sitting at the end with me."

"njano"

- Pretty much I would let Cali know that she is a fat cunt and, um, the shoes that she gave me were not something that I would particularly buy for myself. They were old maiden type of shoes, and she said that those shoes were meant to be worn on a beautiful woman so if that's the case, she should have put them back on the rack and she should never even purchased them because she was UNQUALIFIED to own those shoes if that's the case and, um, I think that Cali is just a disgrace. She's a disgrace to humanity and she's a disgrace to women who are actually beautiful and classy and, um, she just doesn't have the vernacular she thinks she possesses. Somebody lied to her several times and told her that she was fly, hot and sexy and beautiful, and she's nothing like that. She's nothing of the sort.

Day 34
"njano"

- Well it’s safe to say this round I’ll be leaving my fate in the hands of others which is not how survivor should be played but when immunities and items are out of your control it’s what you do.

Nicole won which was expected, and now we’re finally going to put the F3 with us and Chris to the test and see if anyone budges. Chris kinda misplayed his hand a bit and was insistent on Nicole just handing us her idol and rock draw pass separately to 100% guarantee us all safety, luckily I know it’s not as black and white as that and obviously I know Nicole’s gonna wanna keep her idol. So I relayed her that sentiment of understanding if she doesn’t want to just waste the idol this round which she agreed, so if anything I do feel like she’s a little angrier at Chris rn than me and it’s these sort of subtle things I hope can take the target off me rn.

I’d be floored if Cali/Jack/Nora didn’t finally take their shot at me or Chris this round, thing is it depends if they wanna go for the stronger challenge threat or the bigger overall threat? i.e. me vs Chris. But thing is challenges this season have been a crapshoot so I’m tryna let these people know I’m not just a lock to win out (though that’s my plan if these ppl really keep me here LOL)

Me Chris and Nicole are gonna put our votes on Nora and in the ideal situation the rock draw pass is mentioned and then I can probably bet my bottom dollar Jack would flip, he has PTSD from rocks and there’s no way he’d draw a rock for Nora.

My only thing now is just seeing if this F3 is going to stick to the script for one vote or if I’ve just been getting played all along. Wouldn’t be surprised if it’s the latter but given my situation and where the power/items fall, I have no choice but to. These confs are definitely getting shorter btw lol but rest assured my fire is still there.. I just have to find a way contain it and hope I can sneak by one more round unscathed. I've gotten everything I've needed to from main org.. now I'm just going for the cherry on top and I'm simultaneously excited and terrified to see how this thing ends

"njano"

- Ppl think that me and Evan are the rivals of the season, that we want to kill each other at all cost and we would die to get the other out...thats the reason why they kept us since rounds LMAO. So dumb !

"njano"

- Well ok this is it, Evan and Chris are both vulnerable barring an idol. So what do we got? We got Cali steadfast against Chris, and Nora against Evan but like willing to take Chris out first. I’m finally talking to Cali (but not about game and because I messaged first) so that’s a step in the right direction, should be a 4-2 I assume with the 2 probably going to Nora. BUT Cali apparently told Chris she was targeting him??? So now he really needs to be blindsided because while him idoling out Nora wouldn’t be terrible, it makes it even more imperative one of us win immunity next round. It honestly kills me to go for Chris here because I know how much I owe him in this game, but he’s the biggest threat no doubt and if I wanna win, gotta take the shot

"njano"

- E N D O F T H E L I N E

So revision from that last confessional, I think this is it for yours truly. Or at least the most grim it’s ever been. I woke up this morning to Nicole being hammered and fcking emotional and she spills and said she campaigned to get Chris out. Jack and Nora wanted me gone at first but apparently they’ve been swayed? But now this just doesn’t sit right with me because now all my agency in this game is gone even if I survive.. all because I literally had to deal with some toxic gaslighting goat that didn’t know how to respond properly after a boot :\\

I think my only chance at staying now is hoping that the hours and hours of bonding and trust I’ve put into Nicole finally pay off.. but it’s a twofold process because after that then the hope is everyone else listens to her and chooses Chris to go over me because honestly if they want to say, ignore her and vote me out instead they run the risk of pissing off a girl with an idol at Final 5.. so I trust that they’re not THAT insane but you never know.

On the other hand though I feel like shit now that there’s basically no out for me and Chris to both stay alive this round.. at all. I get that it’s these people’s best move, and even Nicole’s best move but idk, I just hate the fact that all these people who tried to play us on their way out just wanted to exponentiate the target on our backs at which point all these dregs and leftovers at the endgame just start thinking for themselves and the people that do put in work 24/7 take the fall for it. Sorry I know that’s a victim noise, but I also know that’s how survivor goes. This is a game about perception and every season there will be those few dragons that just listlessly float through and mend whats remaining of their brain cells at the end to vote in unity against those that have actually fought against the meta, fought for their life, and fought every second of this game. It blows but what can you do.

My only thing now is I’m going to feel fucking super guilty about having to vote Chris if it comes down to it. Unless Cali/Jack/Nora give me some insane assurances it’s him over me I feel like I just have to vote him in the case shit does go south last second. And I don’t even know how to handle this with Chris. I think to him I just have to say I have faith in the 3 and that there’s no other way out, to which there isn’t. It’s just a genuinely shitty feeling now that one of us is going, but at the same time, no matter the outcome I’m so proud that we made this shit work all the way up to final 6 .. I really am, we just needed an idol or two in our pockets to have really strongarmed control in this game but we both fucked up with the merge idol search and let Nicole get it instead.

My only choice now is to just put the fate of my game in the hands of other people.. that is a cardinal sin in survivor but there is no other avenue at this moment. Me going up to everyone and just putting down the hammer of Chris having to go over me would just raise red flags and I would be the one to go.. so I just have to subtly imply it and just hint to these people my case to win at the end isn’t as compelling as they think.

Anyways fuck this round, and honestly fuck how this games gone the last few rounds! I just really want to find a way out of this alive.. at which point no one’s safe in my eyes and they’d be the biggest idiots to let pass on by. For now though, the final mask is being put on after 100+ days, the mask of vulnerability and weakness, to which I’m doing the swiftest 180 and unleashing fury if I survive this vote.

"njano"

- A bit surreal having to scroll down to click day 34/39 on this confessional form because I can clearly remember clicking on the early days not long ago !!

Anywho this very well may be my last day here and i'll have a video later on bc of it

I have a chat and a "plan" with Evan/Nicole and while I believe Evan is going to stay true to it, upon further questioning/comments in pms in order to see how she would react she avoided them and gave very wishy washy responses. She's either the worst liar or the worst truth teller like ever LMAO.

After that I straight up just asked cali if she was coming for me and she said yeah she was going to this round, I confronted Nora on it and she left me on read, its like.... do yall not care???? do you just not fkin care???? fucking ridiculous

jack is another one who is wishy washy as hell and doesnt give straight up answers, however his past history in this game shows that literally is just how he is so i cannot tell if hes truthful or not

if im going home im going down swinging and im gonna fight people, HOWEVER I CANNOT FIGHT PPL IF THEY DONT RESPOND.... I TRIED DOING AN OPEN FORUM DISCUSSION BC IF I AM THE TARGET I WANNA GET IT ALLLLL OUT THERE AND EVERY1 JUST ACTS LIKE THIS GAME DOESNT EXIST... not a SINGLE person has a pair of balls like these players are not good AT all its ridiculous

the people left with the exception of evan are the type of players who coast all game and decide at the very end to do the obvious thing and go together and it's just disgusting knowing one of them is gonna win after contributing nothing to the game

my only hope besides nicole staying true and evan staying true is that they actually are just telling me theyre going for me in fear of an idol or something and go for evan. Evan LITERALLY is the strongest one left in challenges so if they are actually going for me over Evan they're all fucking idiots to allow him to go on an immunity run and more power to him if he does and im out, they deserve to lose in that case

w/e i just hate these people and at least im not being blindsided here if i go

"njano"

- the tea is im the player who has played the most on the org

get fucked sora

also im targeting chris

I still like him tho

im probably screwed

sometimes I wish to be a turkey

"njano"

- I won immunity... wow! are we shook we ain't but yeah this just reinforces how great everyone feels towards me, the fact that no one really tried to go for me except for jack but he went for evan first and then for me but he failed sooo imma just go for the no one went for me story. anyway, I talked to jack during the challenge and he said he wanted to do Evan, well! too bad jack I don't wanna do Evan! (that's not what I said, I told him I agreed). so I have an action plan to get Chris voted out and it shouldn't take long at all. I already debated Nora and she wants Evan out as well but no, she's going to cave and vote Chris within the next few hours I guarantee it. How am I going to do this? by basically using the same strategy I did with the Natalia vote. I reckon Cali will want to vote Chris (she ain't online at the moment) but if she doesn't for some reason she'll be the easiest to convince since she's literally alone and probably going to be targeted by Chris (even if he isn't I can probably tell her she is to fuel her paranoia). So after Cali says yes I want Chris I will go around and tell Nora/Jack "aww Cali is deadset on Chris :( and we want a firm majority right..." Jack will cave, he definitely does not want a rocks situation and he knows that Chris is a big threat as well it just takes a little nudge. Nora's more complicated than just that but I reckon after Jack is convinced she'll be convinced soon after especially considering I find it likely that Evan/Chris will want to put our "three votes" on Nora making her the only other target. but ya I'm going off with this plan now and I literally don't see a reason in the world why it wouldn't work.

"njano"

- the action plan succeeded we aren't surprised. now for the actual harder part of this vote Evan and Chris' existences. I know that I've decided 100% that I want to tell Evan that I'm voting out Chris before the deadline. I'm not gonna pull an Evan or a Nora (Evan not telling Nora/me when he blindsided will causing Nora to be rather pissed) + (Nora talking to Evan and then blindsiding him with the score swap) it's simply logical to tell him beforehand to keep his trust and talk it out plus he can help with the Chris decision which btw is whether or not to tell Chris before the deadline. Telling Chris is much more riskier than telling Evan because of course Chris is the one going home so he has no incentive to keep his shit together and is, therefore, free to pop off and expose anything he wants without consequence anyway I'm thinking about staying up rather late in order to talk to evan because I don't see me catching him in the morning since I want to go to school tomorrow due to situations. oh yeah, I've also decided that I'm not doing it on call and I'm better off doing it w text. so now I guess I'll internally struggle with my Chris decision until Evan wakes up which could be hours from now.

"njano"

- Evan woke up like 10 hours ago but I was kinda very drunk and I told myself I wouldn't write a drunk confessional because I'd regret it postseason (wow I listened to myself for once). so basically I talked him through and took credit for saving his life (i did save his life so.) He's fine with voting Chris since that's what I think is best and he probably knows that Chris would wreck us at FTC. I brought up Chris being paranoid of him to me earlier and turns out Chris was doing the same thing about me just to Evan like I'm really not surprised and I wouldn't be surprised if he's already figured out that I'm the one flipping since the only shit I've been doing is telling him that Evan won't flip. why did I not give any arguments as to why I wouldn't flip? because there literally aren't any reasonable ones. anyway, also something I forgot to mention in the previous confessional was that Cali told Chris that she was targeting him straight up and both of them reported this to me at around the same time and Chris went to Nora like 2 minutes after yikes. anyway, then Chris kept asking for truth and I decided that I was going to cave and tell him but I wanted to make sure that no one would be pissed about it first. Evan agreed that I should tell him and decided that we were going to do it in the alliance chat. I told Cali I was gonna pull a Cali and she was like gurl ok tell me if it gets bad and then I told jack that I was going to cave and he was like eh ok so I start typing up this paragraph right and then Chris dead ass goes to work and I immediately scream at Evan and Cali and then I decided well might as well do it. So I sent him the paragraph and then debated disappearing also ps Evan decided to act clueless.

"njano"

- I felt bad I felt really bad for voting Chris out but now I just feel bad about myself and I definitely don't regret voting him off at all now. he screamed at me basically trying to bully me into using my idol on him in order to keep him which I'm obviously not going to do. Cali and Evan are being really sweet right now and I appreciate it so much. I did this to myself by deciding to tell Chris beforehand and now I'll face the consequences but dang I didn't know he'd be this shitty. He's straight-up told people to fuck off in the tribe chat and tribal council chat as well, I feel like these last words are going to be rather scathing.

"njano"

- THIS PROBABLY AINT GONNA WORK BUT I HAD FUN THIS ROUND AND THATS ALL THAT MATTERS.

"njano"

- So apparently Chris is shredding Nicole because she decided to tell him she was voting him and now I absolutely do not have the heart to face that right now. Fuck why can’t I be a sociopath when it counts