I Wanted To Have Power/Confessionals

Day Four
"calico"

- Yousef just became my duo and I am here for it yes. Loyal to him stan him. He did find the idol but im not leaking it. I hope we win this challenge and dont get swapfucked ok thnak u bye

"calico"

- Coming back from tribal, I am pleased with the outcome. Everyone stuck together and Mitch was sent home. A new day brings a new challenge and hopefully we don't bomb this like we did the last one. That being said, I still have to prepare myself for another tribal and at present I have no idea what to do. I could stick with the four I have previously mentioned and get Lex next, but what happens if we Matsing and go back and third time - do I have the right relationships to make it through the tribal unscathed? There is a lot of anticipation and nothing I will set into motion soon, but it's on the horizon.

"barbarossa"

- "Okay, ooo okay I do NOT like this.

I was talking to Anabel about stuff, and I mentioned that I had won a game. She wanted the details so I thought ""eh why not it was two years ago"" so I explain to her what happened.

She said ""you are brilliant"".

NO! NO NO NO! I do NOT NEED someone thinking that in the SECOND ROUND!!! I'm trying to downplay myself a little, and apparently, she thinks I'm smart, which I don't want people to associate with me.

Last time people associated me with a strong characteristic premerge, I was isolated at the merge! I DO NOT WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN!!!

I like Anabel a lot, she is a really sweat person and really excited to play. But if this could become a problem, I might need to cut this off..."

"barbarossa"

- The Brit jumped out in this challenge. I really hope that me knowing stuff about shitty British TV can give us the leg up in this challenge, cause after that Anabel scenario I'm not wanting to go into a tribal council that's potentially against me. I haven't really gotten anything game-wise from Hunter, Karsten or Ethan but I'd rather not have F2s with everyone on the tribe tbh. I still like them though, so that may or may not change as I get more used to these people, but we'll see...

"barbarossa"

- The Brit jumped out in this challenge. I really hope that me knowing stuff about shitty British TV can give us the leg up in this challenge, cause after that Anabel scenario I'm not wanting to go into a tribal council that's potentially against me. I haven't really gotten anything game-wise from Hunter, Karsten or Ethan but I'd rather not have F2s with everyone on the tribe tbh. I still like them though, so that may or may not change as I get more used to these people, but we'll see...

"cheng"

- Well, I got to the final stage of the idol hunt! I should be able to get it by tomorrow morning. Sitting out this challenge might make it seem to my tribe like I'm not helping all that much, on top of being pretty busy for the past few days, I feel like my already desperate grip on safety within this tribe is slipping out of my grasp more and more quickly every single day. I'm just praying we don't go to tribal. Please don't have us go to tribal. I still haven't gotten to know these people. I need more time; it's running out more quickly than it's supposed to and I am stressed. I don't know why I'm panicking so much; I just took a second to think about how I've been doing with my tribe and now I'm like oh god oh shit oh fuc

"cheng"

- "hihi so its me again. Im happy not to be first boot. We may not have gone to tribal but lots happened. First I immediality see Sofi or Anita who i knew from discord right off the back we clicked so I knew I had a good ally of the bat. Then i meet Elmo who i love and he wanted to make a final 2 deal day one or two and name it and I was shook and kinda like uhhhhh and he backed off but we love elmo! He started sharing his guesses with me so i responded and boom on the next guess i find a chest. In the chest was mastermind. I do it in 4 tries boom! I'm like I got it. Then boom theres a maze which is so tragic I fail. and elmo swoops out and beats the maze and snatched the idol before me. Now thats not all bad he said its for us, which im hesitant to believe but I know he has my back. Since I didn't get the idol. I was feeling reckless and like I wanted to have power, so i choose the wrong urn and end up with a dark pearl. Sadness! I tell elmo cause he's with it, and i know he won't screw me over.

Ive loved talking to everyone on my tribe but if I had to give a scale it would be Elmo at the top followed by Katie then Anita then Su and Jake are at the bottom for now! its still super early. Honestly im not sure who would go. Ive heard anita isn't the tribes favorite rn and could be on the block and even though I know her im not afraid to axe her and her black pearl out of here and use it to my advantage if it comes to it."

"barbarossa"

- FUCK i just realized that i haven’t made a single confessional...... whoops!! hey. how ya doing. im doing good thanks. except for the fact that in this current challenge AND the last challenge i did basically nothing. im useless. hopefully ive made it so everyone likes me enough to keep me despite my absolutely abominable performance but like...... idk......... fuck. FUCK. “outplay”? more like “out-flop”. FUUUUUCK.

"barbarossa"

- It's day 4, and a few hours before the challenge is due... and I do NOT feel confident about our chances. I think we are probably going to lose, so I'm getting my knives sharped just in case. I've definitely been slacking a little bit in the communications department this last day, so I need to make sure I'm talking to people before the challenge is over, so they don't get the whole "Oh, he's talking to me because we lost" stigma cast over me. But who knows, we could actually be doing well, and I could be worrying for nothing. Which is a very common practice for me. But hey, I'm working on it.

"barbarossa"

- I'm hella nervous going into these results because honestly our scoreboard isn't that good. Ethan's convinced Rhi designed the challenge so if he tries to pin the UK relation on me through saying "I should've recognised the british people" I'm gonna be so annoyed. Hopefully the other tribes have done worse...there are definitely some that we have that I feel like people on the other tribes shouldn't have recognised so hopefully that gives us an edge, as you can see I'm optimistic...

"barbarossa"

- Okay never mind Ethan isn't convinced, he thought that Rhi must've designed the challenge because Fleur East and Harry Styles were in it...anyways, if we go to tribal council tonight I really hope I've done enough to warrant staying in the people I'm not working with's eyes, because it'd suck to be targeted this early...I do trust Anabel and Willow to have my back for as long as we're on this tribe at the very least, so hopefully we could target like Karsten since he didn't really help that much at all - I doubt I could rally people on Ethan this round since he did do a lot for us in this challenge, and I feel like Hunter helped a lot too, so in the event of tribal council Karsten is the only angle I feel I can work with everybody as opposed to just the people I'm working with for the hopeful long game. But uh, yeah, there's my ramble-y two cents on a hypothetical situation!

"barbarossa"

- Okay never mind Ethan isn't convinced, he thought that Rhi must've designed the challenge because Fleur East and Harry Styles were in it...anyways, if we go to tribal council tonight I really hope I've done enough to warrant staying in the people I'm not working with's eyes, because it'd suck to be targeted this early...I do trust Anabel and Willow to have my back for as long as we're on this tribe at the very least, so hopefully we could target like Karsten since he didn't really help that much at all - I doubt I could rally people on Ethan this round since he did do a lot for us in this challenge, and I feel like Hunter helped a lot too, so in the event of tribal council Karsten is the only angle I feel I can work with everybody as opposed to just the people I'm working with for the hopeful long game. But uh, yeah, there's my ramble-y two cents on a hypothetical situation!

"calico"

- WELL WELL WELL LADIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.... SHIT HAS HAPPENED!

https://66.media.tumblr.com/c3481aedbce83c393636bba330cd58ee/tumblr_omzw149Rbc1rrt01ro4_250.gif

guess who found the FUCKING idol bitch. i SURE did

last round andrea found that c3 led to a mastermind guessing game and she shared it w/ me so we got to guess every 6 hours in a mastermind game and i ended up finishing first. afterwards i had to complete a maze in 2 minutes and 30 seconds and.... I DID IT! I FOUND THE IDOL. this is legit SOOOO amazing like i cannot express how happy i was to find that i got the idol because on my org bucket list i've always wanted to play an idol correctly but i've always kept it to myself and leaving with it in past seasons. hopefully i can redeem that and idol someone out here and it'll legit just be... amazing

but first... i have to survive.

so, i debated telling andrea that i found the idol for like 2 hours and then i decided i was gonna tell her. idk how this is gonna work out. i never leap into an establishment of trust this easily and when i do the alliance ends up breaking by the end game so i have to watch out for how i handle my relationship with her in the future. i think she'll be with me, there's no reason for her to not be at the moment, i'm a meat shield and has an idol that she knows about and have expressed to her it would be used in OUR best interest. idk if she believes that, but still, i'm basically selling my soul to her, and she's the one who told me about the idol guessing spot anyway so.

so ya, rn she's my closest ally and lex is probably my third closest ally. the issue is lex always returns home at like 4 pm est which is rlly late imo, today that was like 3 hours before the challenge was deadline was due, which he only contributed 1 answer to and idk if he really tried after that. natalia and nick? i do NOT trust whatsoever, but if we head into a swap unified, that's more numbers for the tribe and hopefully the group if we want to stick together and eliminate the other tribes, but i we lose more than twice then it could easily be a 2-2 situation and i might be forced to play my idol/try to get one of them to flip, and idk if i can do that. i don't know their relationship exactly, but i'm betting they're close.

i guess at the moment i'm leaning towards working w/ lex because i trust him more than natalia or nick, but like idk. i like natalia and nick a lot, i just don't know if i can trust them, and it may be because they're newer players and don't really talk 24/7 to everyone, so i'm leading my paranoia based on that, but like.... idk. it's my gut i guess.

anyway, i'm SUPER excited that we won the fucking immunity challenge this round. it was basically nick and i's guesses winning it for us, and then one answer from lex, god bless his heart. i guess it made a difference KLJBADSKLMFA andrea and natalia didn't know much i guess... i think natalia tried idk? she said she got the stacy layne matthews answer but that was on the doc before she said anything BKLJASDFKMLSA i wasn't gonna tell her that tho

but um ya, if this tribe could suddenly grow some physical ability in challenges and win out or something, i'd like that, although, maybe w/ smaller numbers we're less threatening. still, i'm afraid of tribal, and want to avoid it.

with that.... i just want to say. i'm happy to find my idol. she's my babyh.

https://66.media.tumblr.com/1d66a3f7189c34382166a46481e1fbe5/tumblr_omlyt4D2W51tyvan0o2_250.gif

also if i'm being a villian rn sorry... i'm getting some major neda teas from myself BLKJASDFMLKSA maybe i'm worse huh.

"cheng"

- YES WE DID IT! By a slim margin we won Immunity and Reward, and it's because I knew most of my RPDR queens and my Ivette Corredero <3 However it was a team effort and I'm really excited at how well we are doing. Of course that makes us huge targets at a swap if we keep winning so I lowkey hope we lose one before a swap but otherwise we should just keep winning hopefully! My bonds with people are strengthening, me and Elmo are #ThoseBitches and we are tight as fuck. And I have a pretty good relationship with everyone else and I see myself working with all of them. I'm just excited that we're doing so well, and I'm enjoying this calm before the storm 100%!

Day Five
"calico"

- Hello we won immunity. I did nothing, ngl. Yousef offered to send me an answer to send to the tribe chat, but then he didn't. Is ok, I am not knowledgeable in that shit. we won yipee im shocked. We r brains tribe. I am spencer boom boom. Yousef b tasha n lex b kass. we gots to get rid of the david and uh... fuck. The other one!

Day Six
"cheng"

- "The flag thing didn't go as planned, RIP. The tribe seemed on the same page that mine was better than Katie's...not-flag, but it looks like she had a panic attack half an hour before deadline and submitted hers anyway randomly. I was really hoping we'd lose or get second so people would be mad at her, but since we narrowly won, I basically just wasted 3 hours making a flag for nothing, boo hoo. I cry everytime. My ideal scenario was that we'd lose the challenge because of the flag portion not being first place, and people would be mad at Katie in combination with her already being kind of aloof activity-wise. There's two people on this tribe who just seem to not click with me at all, and they're AFKatie and Sofa. If I get a chance, I'm throwing a challenge to get one of them out. Some people would argue that keeping semi-actives around is a good idea because at swap they're targeted before you, but in this case they may try targeting my ass as their defense vote. In a three tribe format, you can't have someone targeting you at the first swap vote. Most of the time this just sets you up as the next to go.

On a brighter note, Elmo and I are officially aligned! This doesn't really mean much, but it's a start. I've been 100% transparent with the whole urn twist and idol clue thing with the whole tribe since I figure this twist may happen again in the future and at that point you don't want to be exposed for lying lol. I'm also kind of hoping Katie DID lie, and then I'm over here spilling tea and they start distrusting her. Who knows.

I'm definitely making myself into a threat here, but this is what I want. I need to stand out on this tribe somehow as the guy detached from the community whereas others in here seem to know much more about it than I do lol. It could backfire, but it's high risk high reward, really."

"barbarossa"

- "Unfortunately we lost the challenge, and right away everyone seems to narrow it down to Anabel and Karsten. Personally, I'm really close with Karsten, so I've been pointing out the flaws of keeping Anabel around, while trying to explain away Karsten's faults, or say that Anabel has the same faults. I really need Karsten to make it past this vote because I think he can be really useful for my game and vice versa down the line. But Hunter DOES make a lot of valid points about his flippy past, however in those games he had a reason to flip, we haven't done anything to him at this moment to make him wanna flip.

My #1, Hunter, was REALLY insistent on it being Anabel, but I managed to calm him down and walk him off the edge of making a horrible move because I promised him if we lose, we can vote him out next. Just so he thinks that I'm not having some side deal with him (I totally do). I really do like Anabel, but I she really hasn't helped in these last two challenges. In the flag challenge she just sat back, and I don't think she put down a single answer for this ""guess the reality star"" challenge either, after she said she ""watches a lot of reality tv"", which is disappointing. I have absolutely nothing against her, but if I want my game to move in the direction I want, I would really prefer she leaves.

God, I've gotten to know everyone on this tribe so damn well, it really sucks to send someone home. I think because we have so few people, I'm able to make actual connections rather than just the typical ""hey lets vote together"" relationships that sometimes end up forming. I hope once we lose a part of the beautiful Barbarossa ship, we can continue sailing into the next part of this game. Sorry Anabel, but you're being left on the shore, hopefully you aren't too mad and can wave us goodbye as we drift into the night. You really were a joy to be around girl."

"barbarossa"

- "FUCK. I thought sure I was going to get the idol, but by the time I finished and got through the maze, someone else had gotten there first. I was so hyped for nothing.

Everyone seems to be in agreement that it's Anabel. She seems to think it will be me. I hope I'm right, and she's wrong. She hasn't done jack shit in either challenge so far so I'm hoping my tribe mates aren't idiots. Fingers crossed, prayers up for those praying on my downfall."

"barbarossa"

- ugh we lost. i fucking knew we’d lose. but somehow my name isn’t being thrown around idt?????? like ig everyone likes me enough to spare me... even tho im a flop. i think the plan rn is karsten but like im not about to vote early and screw myself *cough cough* lycia anabel *cough cough* i love karsten tho so im real sad....... ugh. hate this. hate tribal. hate hard challenges. hate most things tbh.

"calico"

- Nick and Natalia are definitely a duo. It is super duper sppoky and I'mnot about it. We assume that lex is with us, but who knows. I am a scared little bitch. Please send help mommy.

"barbarossa"

- So going into this tribal council I do wanna see if I can, subtly, get people to vote off Karsten, because he is the weakest link to me socially and I feel like I've made more ground socially with Anabel - so I'm hoping that this'll be what people are wanting to do since he didn't contribute in the challenge much. I'm still so gutted we're having to visit tribal tonight by ONE MEASLY POINT. Disgusting.

"barbarossa"

- So after briefly talking with Willow and Hunter I think they're both leaning Karsten, but I know Hunter wants to make a chat between us three and Ethan to discuss this further. This'll hopefully make the four of us less nervous about the tables turning against us - so I pray that this could be a four person alliance I could work with going forward. I think if we have this chat going, they'll feel bad about turning on it down the round, or if we go tribal again on Day 9, so either way, this should be good for me and my game!

"calico"

- The Mitch vote went alright. Well there goes my perfect game, but i’m not first boot so yay. My relationships with Yousef and Andrea are strong but I don’t want to rely to heavily on those. I do plan on going far with these guys but I haven’t been bonding with Nick and Natalia enough for my taste. Now formally, I’m allied to both of them. But we’re never online at the same time and it’s really making talking difficult. I think there’s a real potential to build great bonds with Natalia since we actually have stuff to talk about. I’m very happy we won even though I don’t think I would’ve been voted out. The Barbarossa tribe is REALLY stacked so I’m relieved one of them is going because I’m expecting a swap at either F16 or F15. And that gives me time to build trust with my tribemates instead of voting them out.

"barbarossa"

- "Welp, that was not what I wanted to happen. This is the first time where I've gone to tribal, and didn't want to vote anyone out. This whole tribe has such great people who are all interesting in their own way, and now we're losing one of them. This is shit.

From what I'm understanding, it seems the vote is between Anabel and Karsten. Anabel hasn't really helped at all in the last two challenges, and she's not giving any input on the tribal. It seems she just wants to go with what everyone else does. Not that there is anything wrong with that, that is basically what I am doing, but everyone has to give some kind of input or people are gonna wonder what you're doing! But, she seems like she could be quite loyal and would want to stick it out with this tribe.

But Karsten...I don't know there is something off about him. It's a gut feeling, and my gut usually knows what is up in ORGs. I mean, he's good with challenges, he's social, it seems like he likes me, so why am I being thrown off? Well...he just seems like the type of person who would do whatever they need to do to survive, meaning leaving old allies in the dust if they'll be in a better swap. I don't think I'd want to go into a swap tribe, and have just him from OG Barbarossa with me. I just can't shake this feeling that he may be what this season is all about; a pirate.

So I either have to go with the current problem who might actually turn out to be good for me, or the current helper who could become a future problem.

One fucking point in a challenge, and now I'm here..."

"cheng"

- AAAAAALiance is here!!! its me and elmo we solidified something solid. He came to me showed me the idol. Me and jake had a good talk today. I'm really scared of my dark pearl i was super dumb and now im super paranoid.

"cheng"

- "Hello. We just won an immunity. I AM HYPE! One thing that worries me is that if we keep winning all of these challenges, at least one of our tribe mates will for sure get swap fucked. Maybe it's too early to think about that stuff but you gotta think ahead too!

And one thing that is different this time is that I am not in an alliance group chat. Usually I am in one by the end of first round but not this time! Wooh! I don't want to be reckless this time around even though tbh, I've been a MESS ever since I got this idol lol. Bradley and Su have surely seen me be a paranoid a bit but I think they understand it considering my past lol. Ig I unofficially have 2 f2s which I don't feel really good about tbh.

I'm thinking that swap is either at 15 or 14 so that's pretty soon! I'm excited to meet new people and starting to play the game hard (BUT NOT TOO HARD, NOT GOING TO REPEAT PAST MISTAKES!)"

"barbarossa"

- "Regarding my tribe, I get along with everyone pretty well. Anabel is a little hard to talk to... which isn't surprising considering she's 14 and I'm nearly 24. Hard to find many similarities there. I'm closest to Ethan first and foremost, Willow/Hunter right behind him. I find it a bit hard to talk to Liam. I'm not sure whether it's because of the timezone difference, or what. We're both pretty busy people.

Hopefully Anabel gets the boot and I live to fight another day. She's thrown my name around, but I have to hope my tribesmates are not nincumpoops."

"cheng"

- Woooo!! Another challenge down, and I didn't even have to do anything! Hopefully I'll be able to contribute more later on, but for now I'll just take this idol clue without having to do any work! I'm so close to this idol, but I'm worried someone else has it by now... oh well, at least if I'm too late I'll know someone has it! I've been trying to talk to people lately, but I'm very bad at talking and sometimes I don't know how to respond to people and we just have this awkward silence until one of us thinks of something new to say, and I feel like I need a refresher in this game. Elmo told me yesterday something along the lines of "I think it's best not to worry about going to tribal and doing strategy when we don't need to yet", and that just seems so sketchy to me, like he wants me to just lie down and die or something? I don't think he'd do that to me, but this is Survivor, and everyone's out for blood 24/7 so I wouldn't put it past anyone to try to get me to not think about strategy. In my eyes, Jake and Katie are at the bottom of the tribe, but that's only factoring in my opinion because everyone's always like "oh I love everyone! I want to never vote anyone out!" and that's a big red flag to me that I'm the person they want to vote out, and they don't want to tell me. I hope I'm absolutely wrong about all of this, but I've kind of accepted my fate at this point until a swap comes.

"cheng"

- https://youtu.be/sNG5afJI218

"barbarossa"

- We got the group of four going and I think we've all came to the decision that we're better off keeping Karsten around, which isn't really what I wanted I guess, but I don't really believe him staying over Anabel is going to ruin my game...hopefully? It's a shame I won't be able to play this adventure with her like I wanted to, it would've been so hot to make it far with her, but I can't be super dominant over people yet. I have faith in Willow the most out of the tribe, and I'll keep good with Ethan and Hunter in the mean time. If they keep to the predetermined four, Karsten should just be gone next away, so that's a plus.

"barbarossa"

- I'm sorry we couldn't work together Anabel, I wish you so much look in future games and I hope we can be friends after the season cause you were so much fun to talk to in this game, I wish I could've made it work but I didn't want to put a target on my back for being so forceful </3.

"cheng"

- I found a stone the other day that will end up drastically changing the game as we know it.

"cheng"

- Everything is so peaceful at Cheng camp. Perhaps even too peaceful? Are things happening and am I on the outs? Probably not, but I don't want to be overly confident about my position in the tribe. I believe that I've talked to everyone on the tribe at least enough for them to not wanting to target me first. Though, I think that I want to win challenges until the swap, everyone on the tribe seems like someone I want to work with during swap/merge. That does raise some issues though. If OG Cheng goes to swap with 6 people, it is almost guaranteed that at least one of us (maybe and probably more) will be targeted during then. So I'm kinda unsure what would be my best course of action and mayhaps I need to rethink my plans....

"barbarossa"

- "So I managed to get a group together of Myself, Liam, Hunter and Willow, and we started discussing the pros and cons of who to keep in the game between Anabel and Karsten. Me and Willow were on the keep Karsten train while Hunter was on the Boot Karsten boat. I think I calmed down Hunter's nerves about Karsten's willingness to flip, but now I'm not so sure. I've already voted and so have some others, so it's unfortunately going to be Anabel going tonight. But Karsten just burned me really bad. He told me ""Hey, I'm going to say you told me to vote Willow"" and LUCKILY I managed to catch him before he was able to do it, and tell him that is a bad idea, and I would prefer if he didn't, because then Willow is going to get pissed at me, and I really like Willow and don't want her to lose trust in me, especially in a small tribe like this. But yeah, I was REALLY hoping Karsten could have been my hidden battleship heading into this game, but now I think he is a liability that I'm going to have to watch out for.

I mean, if I really was his closest ally, why would Karsten throw my name out there like that? I'm not mad or anything, I'm just disappointed in myself that my read on him was a little off. Hopefully he can course correct and gain my trust back, but this was a pretty damning mistake for him to make."