Back To Panicking/Confessionals

Day 19
"tuktuk"

- Okay, so yeah Yannick's gone. Story on the revote? I still don't know. Somehow someway they split that vote and knew exactly how many to get to tie it up. Who's they? I don't know. I really don't. To this point I don't know whether or not Lucas or Bryce is lying to me. I'm thoroughly convinced it's Bryce seeing how when we gave him even the slightest bit of doubt, instead of explaining things from a game point logically he IMMEDIATELY got angry and started defending himself. That happened twice the day of the first vote results. Why exactly would he flip..? Well, because he and Taylor are tighter than I thought. I'm guessing I got the blood on my hands on the Trent vote, when really it was Bryce that suggested it all along. I'm guessing me and Yannick were so greatly isolated by the cast that Bryce flipped along with Taylor, but even if, WE ONLY NEEDED ONE MORE VOTE TO IDOL OUT BOO. ONE. I understand if Bryce wanted to separate himself from YouTube but now was not the time, there was no target on his back and he could've let the rest of us take the brunt of the shots. It could be Lucas that's lying for all we know, but I highly highly doubt he has much standing in this game or a relationship he can rely on to infiltrate the majority like Bryce did. So yeah. Yannick and I campaigned our hearts out to get the votes to keep him but at the end of the day no one wanted to budge. Reluctantly, I had to tell Ethan and Nick to vote in with the majority to at least continue the facade that they're down with them for the time being. I may be down, I may be alone in this game, but I have an idol ready. The most dangerous player in the game isn't always the best player, but it's the one that's backed into the corner with nothing to lose. Now that I'm at rock bottom, it's time to climb my way back to the top and I'm throwing down some bodies to where I once used to be.

"tuktuk"

- So at this point Grace is my only lifeline to the majority, and I think she's just stringing me along. I don't know if she's telling me the truth anymore because some of her stories aren't lining up. And the Bryce thing, he very possibly could have flipped by the way he has been acting. I think the people who voted Yannick on the first vote as of this moment are: Michelle/Taylor/Lucas. However it could very well be Bryce instead of Lucas though. Right now I just need to focus on getting myself further.

"tuktuk"

- Also Scott's pissing me the fuck off. So when I played the idol I wanted to play it off as the merged idol but it literally said ""THIS IS THE PALMIRA IDOL"", so yeah, cover blown. Scott literally comes up to me flooding my inbox in the morning demanding an explanation. Obviously I had nothing to hide, and I let him know I did it as a last ditch effort to gain his trust because I believe he and Jordan would've flipped. Then he goes off on this nonsense about how he was so loyal to me and that he would've done anything to me. SCOTT, THAT'S BULLSHIT. YOU AND JORDAN LITERALLY FLIPPED AWAY FROM ME. I HAD NICK GO UP TO YOU GUYS ASKING MY NAME AS A SIGN OF TRUST AND YOU GUYS FAILED THAT TEST WITH FLYING COLORS. Then Scott went on about this shit on how I was so adamant about voting Boo when in reality I couldn't care less where I casted my vote, and he kept saying how I was so confident about the vote outcome. Well, YEAH. NICK FUCKING TOLD ME YOU WERE GONNA COME UP TO ME ACTING WORRIED ABOUT THE VOTE WHEN IN REALITY YOU WERE DRIVING THE KNIFE BEHIND MY BACK. SO I WANTED TO MAKE SURE I SOUNDED CONFIDENT BEFORE PLAYING THAT IDOL. What's really making me angry is that he played the victim saying how heartbroken he was and that he thought he could trust me. Sorry Scott, but once again, that's a load of BULL FUCKING SHIT seeing how the first thing you did after the revote was message me ""LOL"", spam me repeatedly demanding things and posting ""????"" over again. The fact of the matter is, we both never fully trusted each other, I gave him a fake idol, and he was fully willing to flip on me. Yet apparently he'll be all broken and hurt by my actions yet not once did he explain any rationale behind him and Jordan flipping, and I bet if I even dare bring it up he'll just bring up the fake idol I gave him. It's dumb. And I knew Jordan would easily flip because he's just a puppet for Grace. Also, after Yannick left Scott posted some fucking smiley emoticon just to piss me off. It's whatever, I don't hate Scott personally but I think game wise he's being absolutely irrational in how he's taking things and if I get a chance to idol him out, I'm gonna do it and I'll post that same fucking emoticon when the results come out. Venting over.

"tuktuk"

- So Bryce wants to call the remnants of the YouTube group with "stuff to say" yet claiming "he hasn't abandoned us". Whatever he says and the validity and actual meaning behind it is honestly my last lifeline in the game. Give a dying man a glimmer of hope and he'll turn it into something greater than anyone could ever imagine. Bryce, please come back to us.

"tuktuk"

- Yannick gave me my black card before the Revote. I always felt like I was missing something in my life, and now I have it. My black card will help me win Retribution. 🏾

"tuktuk"

- As much as I'd like to murder people in my personal portion of the touchy subjects challenge, I have to play this strategically. I'm just guessing what I think people will say personally, I'm basically playing both forms the same. BUT I'M STILL GONNA ROAST SOME PEOPLE IN ONES I REALLY WANT TO LET IT OUT LMFAO

"tuktuk"

- Fuck this shit, Yannick's out - probably my closest ally. Now basically Michelle, Evan and I are on the outs. I don't even know if Michelle voted for Boo, cause I don't even want to check the vote count. She told me we can go for Dani, Boo or Grace the next round, okay - but how? Smfh... Nobody's talking to me, I'm wondering if I should start a conversation with someone, or nah. What can I accomplish, I just want to survive this round.

"tuktuk"

- Last night myself Nick Ethan and Bryce were supposed to be on a call. Well, at least, BRYCE was supposed to be on call, and instead he dipped on the very own call he proposed and wanted to join. He claimed he was sleeping this morning yet he was online of the time of me Nick & Ethan messaging him and I bet he wanted to delay what he had to say or maybe just come up with more time for a bluff? I just don't know. Bryce is literally my last lifeline in the game - if he's good and comes back to me, I'd be confident moving forward. Even if I'd be down 7-5 or even potentially 8-4. It's basically the valley of death but with 2 idols on our side, cracks in the supposed majority, and a potential reward one of us can win in this touchy subjects (perhaps a vote canceller/steal???), they'll soon find out that I FEAR NO ONE. But Bryce literally has the fate of my game in his hands, and I'd be lying if I said I knew what he'd do with it. Bryce, COME BACK AND LET'S BLOW THIS GAME UP. YOU'RE NOT GONNA CRACK THE TUMBLR MAJORITY ANYTIME SOON, ESPECIALLY WITH THEM HAVING BOO AND JORDAN BY THE BALLS. C O M E B A C K

"tuktuk"

- And what I'm hoping, what I'm realllly hoping, is that Bryce went against the grain and his YouTube group for one round to put on the mask just like Ethan and Nick did that we're not going to vote 5 strong every single round until the end of time. I'd be a fool to think that'd happen, but I guess I'm also dumb to think it'd happen AT LEAST for the first merged vote. I also think he did it to take a lot of my power in this game in voting out Yannick, everyone knew how tight we were, even the cast, and now that's severed I really don't have anyone I can go up to 100% in and confide my endgame plans with. Because now, from the outside looking in, YouTube seems FRACTURED, BROKEN, AND BLOWN UP INTO A MILLION PIECES. I'm just hoping now that this temporary divide is only a facade that may blind people before we drive a knife through their back, but for all we know Bryce is playing his own game and that starts with annihilating anyone he might be associated with?? MAN FUCK, LET'S JUST SEE THE TOUCHY SUBJECTS RESULTS ALREADY AND I HOPE I GOT IT

"tuktuk"

- The Yannick plan worked holy fucking shit! I can't believe I actually pulled it off. The best part is that no one has ANY idea who the three votes were, especially Evan. Evan and Ethan think that the 3 votes were from Bryce, Taylor and Dani. Hell I wasn't trying to pin it on Dani (I was actually trying to pin it on Jordan) but if she wants to take the fall go right ahead! I'm just trying to figure out what is going to happen this upcoming tribal. I know for a fact though that no one has been saying my name and honestly it's great. I still can't believe I escaped them figuring out it was me somehow. I just need to make sure that me Bryce and Taylor can make it past this next tribal.

"tuktuk"

- Lucas: "Hello guys I exist" No you don't Lucas sorry.

"tuktuk"

- The feeling of safety is the best feeling in the world. After struggling to find my footing again in this game, it's a blessing to be immune this tribal. Its a new feeling for me, almost surreal. My first tribal with no need to worry about my own safety... Its just fjskfkefsdmallflaf its amazing honestly. This probs just looks stupid but its a big deal to me bc ive never won an individual immunity before in my survivor gaming history. Retribution really is a season of firsts. So basically, the week started off on a very very low. Trent had just left and I was kinda in a slump, wondering what came next because I felt as though I was done like dinner at that point, but then a miracle happened. MERGE. And JURY for that matter Not first boot: COMPLETE✔️ Jury: COMPLETE✔️ 2 goals down!!! Immediately, KND got back together and we decided to work together which was such a great feeling. They still wanted to be together, and maybe I wasn't so fucked afterall!! As soon as immunity was announced, i knew i needed to go ham. I needed to try my best to win it, and I would do whatever it took. First merge tribals are always a gong show, and I knew it couldn't be my head on that chopping block. Slowly but surely people were dropping, and then suddenly it was down to Me, Taylor, and Evan. I started PM'ing with Taylor, dropping little hints that I might drop. Things like ""Ugh im so tired"", ""i'm sick"", etc. Etc. Hoping it would make him tired and make him drop, because why the fuck not? It was worth a shot. He eventually ended up sleeping, and it was down to me and Evan. I was not about to message Evan and make a deal, because that would be like making a deal with the devil. Then, all of a sudden, another offer was made. AND EVAN TOOK IT. FBDKKSLGLSMGAFLSMGAGAMCLANFKGLEJFIXKncanckskkJCKSJDKFKSKF IT WAS THE BEST MOMENT OF THE GAME SO FAR. I had been falling asleep for 8 hours at that point, and I hadn't felt so awake in days. Immediately after is when the scrambling started. Within 3 hours I heard -Michelle(who said her own name) -Lucas -Ethan -Grace -Evan -Boo (who said his own name) And probably more. It was anyones game at this point, we just needed to play our cards right. Boo was freaking out over being targeted, so I had to go inspector teisha on this shit and get some tea. Michelle knew nothing, Yannick made weird sexual comments, and you cant get tea out of Taylor even if he had a little dispenser on him. Suddenly, Jordan messaged me just saying ""I know we dont talk, but what you thinkin about for this vote?"" I was initially taken back, but as soon as he said Evan's name, I was interested. I wanted Evan gone, but I also didnt want his blood on my hands in the case of an idol. Jordan saved my ass, and will most likely take the fall for it which is so fucking amazing. Everyone was on board to vote Evan, and we knew he probably had an idol. We talked about splitting votes, but were worried about majority. When the votes finally came through, it wound up as a tie between Boo and Yannick. I have no fucking clue who voted for Yannick (Besides Bryce, who messaged me and told me that it was him) but they saved Boo’s ass, and i’m so thankful for that. Yannick ended up leaving in the tie, and I was so so so happy. He was shady, and never honest with me so i’m so happy right now. I’m just waiting for the next freakout to occur, but for now I think i’m ok. I think i might be safe, but lets be real, tomorrow ill go back to panicking.

"tuktuk"

- So touchy subjects is over and I know that usually the results don't matter but I'm happy I got voted Most Honest, Nicest, and the person people would trust with their life. I'm trying to really establish connections with people this season and trying to improve my social game and I believe it is working. Hopefully!

"tuktuk"

- Holy fuck, I hate this cast so much and it's not even the challenge results. I was ready to get the bad answers. Just looking at like Grace, Dani, Scott, Taylor and ESPECIALLY Jordan makes me wanna punch myself. Like, weren't you Perry's sheep??? Shut the fuck up and quit already. I'm this close to imploding

"tuktuk"

- I always thought Boo was really nice guy, but he got pretty nasty after Touchy Subjects to Lucas. Like what the fuck, no need to get personal up in here. It's a game and alienating people isn't a good way to get jury votes or keep allies.

Day 20
"tuktuk"

- Yeah Michelle has the internet speed and the typing skills of a WALNUT so I'm definitely going into this tribal VULNERABLE.

"tuktuk"

- Why is Lucas coming after me

"tuktuk"

- Lucas in the challenge https://i.gyazo.com/db588e49fdfe1cdb3dfe9b17442ad583.png

"tuktuk"

- Boo and Grace made it so obvious where they stands. Holy shit. Why won't Boo ever learn how to not make his aliegences so obvious. I know I basically commited suicide, but I just want people to know the obvious, even if that means I get voted out.

"tuktuk"

- Still Alive

"tuktuk"

- I DID IT AGAIN. I wanted to lose that challenge but my KILLER INSTINCT took over and I flew by that shit. I honestly expected to fall apart at the end but then Michelle nailed the treasure thing with one guess, while I would've been stuck there for a looooong time. So we might win immunity???? Shit, if so, TEAM PHILIPPINES REPRESENT. I really need to reconfirm in my head the idea of throwing challenges, when to do it, and what's good or bad about it and all that garbage but whatever, if I get to keep my beautiful idol for another round and see my other YouTubers take heat in the vote, I can't complain ONE BIT. The only person I trust in this game is myself, and I've played team ball for wayyyy too long and have gotten burned for it, so I actually hope that our time does end up winning.

"tuktuk"

- I have never flopped at an immunity challenge so hard. Bryce and I were on call to do the challenge and it didn't help at all. We get ONE question wrong, and thought it was right so we changed our right answers all over the place. Trivia can kindly go suck a dick. So it seems like that the Lucena group is in control, which is kind of okay for me? But not really if you look at it hard enough, I was not in the split vote, which I found out was Bryce, Michelle, and Lucas. Bryce was blackmailed into it by Dani. Now that I know I can't trust Dani I really wanna make a move against her when she doesn't expect it. Right now they probably think YouTube is fractured because me and nick both voted for Evan and Yannick last tribal. So when they least expect it, thats the time to strike. I might even play my idol this upcoming tribal to make SURE the job gets done.

"tuktuk"

- I swear, if Grace makes one more comment about her having a shot in her ass, or her having to take a piss, a shit etc. I'll rage. I thought Tommy didn't make the cast.

Day 21
"tuktuk"

- Well, I'm fucked. Michelle and Evan won immunity aka they won't split the votes, they'll just vote me. My two options are: either find the idol or get michelle, evan, ethan, nick and two more to vote for boo, ehhh... This isn't good

"tuktuk"

- So Evan & Michelle won immunity which means I've come in second place in two challenges in a row. Evan and Michelle need to thank their lucky stars though because one of them could of easily been voted out had they not won. I'm not sure what's gonna happen but I'm just hoping it won't be me leaving. :D

"tuktuk"

- Immunity, LET'S GET IT. I'm just proud and relieved to last another few days in this game. At this moment, the target on my back is growing larger and more obvious than Ali's THIRST for NAVNEET, but I've honestly reached the point of no return and there's no turning back. Instead of facing fear in the eye and going to tribal I'm just going to dropkick it and find a way to avoid it in any way possible, so whether I'm winning immunities, bending your mind, or playing idols, you better believe one way or the other I'm gonna find a way out of this mess for as long as I possibly can.

"tuktuk"

- Well, Basically Ethan is telling me that Dani's group is already throwing my name down. Whatever, do or die. I 100% have Evan's vote, I hope Michelle will actually vote for the right person, Ethan did claim to be excluded from the split vote plan, so it makes sense for him to flip, gotta talk to nick (should be easy), and bryce, I'm talking to taylor atm - but I'm not sure if this will work out, but I just think it would be a bad decision for him to vote for me.

"tuktuk"

- I think I managed to flip the votes, I talked to everyone except for Dani, Boo, Grace, Scott and Jordan. I honestly believe I have the votes to vote out Dani.

"tuktuk"

- How dense does Boo think I am!? He and Dani spearheaded the split vote on Yannick and he has the audacity to play dumb saying "to this day I have no idea who voted Yannick" Get your ass outta here, if you honestly didn't know you would be asking around like crazy. Right now Dani doesn't know what's going to hit her. She is basically running the entire show on the Dani/Scott/Grace/Jordan/Boo side of things and it's time to put an end to it. She already knows about the YouTube and basically blackmailed Bryce in the last vote. I am sadly going to have to leave Grace out of this plan, because I can't risk her leaking it. I hope she will see that I need to make this move for myself because I can't be last on the totem poll anymore.

"tuktuk"

- Survivor Retribution Confessional 11? Grace

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- Lowkey am missing Yannick in the tribe chat. He always brought life to it. Instead we have Lucas who doesn't speak and when he does it's irrelevant

"tuktuk"

- Oh my god Nick is driving me up the wall. He is PERSISTENT on keeping Dani for very crazy illogical reasons and its scaring me. He needs to understand that Dani leaving is the best plan, she has control, and needs to go. Hopefully we can convince him of that.

"tuktuk"

- That moment when winning immunity led to the biggest fucking blowup of enormous proportions within your own core alliance

"tuktuk"

- SO I JUST FOUND OUT NICK WAS THE OTHER YANNICK VOTE NOT MICHELLE WHAT THE FUCK. No wonder he is trying to hard to keep Dani. Bryce has come clean with it all and now we can trust Michelle I guess. I thought I knew what was going on in this game, but it just proves that you can't get too confident. Im glad I learned this stuff now. We might be throwing away Nick's vote and try for a 6-5-1 on someone, or I might be using my idol. Everything is VERY confusing at the moment.

"tuktuk"

- LET IT BE KNOWN TO THE WORLD THAT BRYCE IS THE BIGGEST BITCH EVER WHO IS MAKING PEOPLE THINK DANIELLE IS RUNNING THAT ALLIANCE OVER GRACE AND BOO. AND ETHANS DUMBASS IS LITERALLY THE MOST GULLIBLE PERSON EVER AND NONE OF THESE PEOPLE DESERVE TO WIN SINCE THEY CLEARLY HAVE NO GAME AWARENESS, IM SO MAD RN

"tuktuk"

- ALRIGHT, THE TRUTH HAS BEEN SET FREE. NICK, BRYCE, FUCK BOTH OF YOU. Yeah so here's what happened. With immunity around my neck the whole Boo/Grace/Dani/Scott/Jordan group wants to gun for Lucas. Me/Bryce/Ethan/Nick were debating on who to go after. Us 4 could've easily gotten Lucas' vote, Bryce gets Taylor on board, and then we all try to get Michelle on board as our 7th vote. I honestly thought the debate on the vote would be meaningless and straightforward until Nick started fighting back. The majority of us wanted Dani to go this round but Nick kept insisting otherwise. This sequence literally took HOURS. Nick was worried about shit like being exposed from his side, pissing off jurors, being targeted, and all that nonsense when the truth is that Ethan would get more shit flung at him for flipping and would be the more opportune target seeing how he's the bigger threat. The argument then got REALLY bad, Nick was threatening to vote Lucas and go against us, and this all occured while I was taking a bus home whoops. It felt fantastic not being in the center of things for once. THEN Bryce drops a bomb. He adds me and Ethan to a group chat. It turns out that the actual Yannick voters were him, Nick, and Taylor. And Bryce threw Nick under the bus for that plan big time. Eventually though Bryce said Nick and he got in a fight over pm's but it was settled that Nick would be on board to vote Dani. FAST FORWARD TO A FEW HOURS LATER. Nick gets on call and wants to keep everything said between us absolutely confidential. NOT TO MY SHOCK, Nick says he Bryce and Taylor voted Yannick, and that he blames Bryce for the entire plan happening. Then he goes off on shit on how we have to trust each other and that Bryce can't be trusted later on in this game. So we have a classic battle of he said/she said. The truth though? I DON'T CARE WHOSE PLAN IT WAS, THEY BOTH WENT BEHIND MY BACK AND THEY HONESTLY EXPECT ME TO TRUST THEM MOVING FORWARD. FUCK THAT AND FUCK YOU, I'M GOING AFTER BOTH OF YOU GIVEN THE CHANCE. All of this bullfuckery that went down really gave me a chance to solidify something with Ethan, now we have a Final 2, and you better damn well believe I'm aligning with him and when we find the right time, Nick, Bryce, you're both going down and I'm getting my revenge. BUUUT, I'll put my happy face on and vote with you guys for one or two more rounds smile emoticon sure thing. Voting my closest ally and lying to me for days after? TOTALLY FINE. The truth, y'all are on my shitlist and you'll regret ever making that move against me.

"tuktuk"

- AND KNOW WHAT'S DUMB? They could've gotten away with making that move if they didn't get all VAGINAL and argue to each other about one vote. AT THE ROUND OF 12.... riiiiight after the round they made that move in the first place. If this tension between Bryce and Nick is as true as I think it is I'm gonna play it off as long as I can, continue to act trusting of both of them, and use them to get rid of as many people I don't need before letting them fight like dogs, at which case I pick a side that benefits me more with Ethan.

"tuktuk"

- So I think I have rallied everyone in the cast against the Scott/Dani/Boo/Grace/Jordan side and we might have the majority if everything goes smoothly. However is still really unnerving that Nick and Bryce were in on the Yannick vote, and its even more worrying that they both say each other was the mastermind behind the whole thing. Honestly, it doesn't matter, they both did it together, so both of them have lost a lot of trust with me. Hopefully they can put their differences aside and work together this vote and just go with the Dani plan. She has WAY too much control in this game, and as much as I love her as a person, and she's been one of my favourite people to hang out with, I can't have her stay. I hope she will see this as the gamemove it is.

"tuktuk"

- Lord I told Evan everything last night on Skype. He didn't really take it too well but he said its whatever and that he has no one else to really work with so he's kinda stuck with me which I knew would happen. I told him to show him that I trust him the most out of the group and I wanted to do it before Bryce got to him so I could flip the story around and make sure that he thinks Bryce created the plan when it was really me. Now I'm just nervous about the after effects of this vote because these assholes aren't even thinking straight. Yes Dani is a threat. No she doesn't need to leave right this fucking second. The after effects of this shit are really going to effect me and for some reason they don't see it.

"tuktuk"

- Legit I'm tired of these people. NOBODY talks in the tribe chat except me and grace. It gets frustrating having nobody respond to you. I'm missing Yannick. I've been telling the tribe some stories the past few days. A few of them are: How I had to strip a mannequin at work for a customer How I was called ma'am in the drive thru Some stuff about rude customers Well, most of this stuff never happened. I'm just trying to liven up this graveyard that is our tribe chat. Rip.

"tuktuk"

- Filled Grace in just before Tribal, don't tell anyone. But I need her to stick around. I'm pretty sure I can convince my alliance to keep her around for a few more votes. She says she wants to play the goat role and follow me, it seems like a good plan to keep her safe. Lets hope this tribal doesn't blow up in my face.

"tuktuk"

- Video for if I don't get voted out lol

"tuktuk"

- So, this week was Touchy Subjects week! And we all know, with touchy subjects comes drama, so I was EXCITED. We've been lacking in drama since the Hannah vote, and I was excited to see what would happen! I specifically put myself for every bad answer, hoping that I would get the lowest score in the game and leave with a pleasant surprise and a little self validation AND IT WORKED! It was LUCAS and EVAN who got bad answers and I was living in that moment lemme tell ya!!!! After the competition, Lucas flipped his shit and was basically like ""DANI GRACE SCOTT AND BOO ARE IN AN ALLIANCE!"" and i'm like ??????? Thanks asshole???? He started going off about how he's a goat and no one talks to him and im just like: YOU DONT HELP YOURSELF IN THIS SITUATION. We have talked ONCE since the merge came, and it was about SOUP, and when he accidently called me on fb he stopped responding to my messages, like????? thanks???? um so i started writing this but i cant finish it bc im v distraught rn becsause IM FUCKING GOING HOME. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCKWHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK