I'm Out Here Being Chaotic/Confessionals

Day 30
"cuarcita"

- Well Andreas is gone and I’ve honestly read his final words like 4 times cause I feel like he’s talking about me....idk if I’m being really dramatic this season or if I’m honestly been an asshole gameplay wise this season. I really felt like I needed to make a change in order to shake up my game some. I already knew he was telling other people information I was telling him. He even told others I told him he was going. Like, that’s not trustworthy to me and I think he had his own interests at heart and he should have cause it’s survivor. I did what I felt I had to do. Torsa and Jayme winning immunity doesn’t bother me much rn because they were already gonna be targets and truthfully, it’s not that huge of a deal at the final 8 for me. I’m just hoping to start going after more threats and kinda widdle them down a little But, I’m gonna just keep fighting. And trying my hardest to do everything in my power to win this game. I’m not sure the oddds of that are anything but that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna try. Everyone has doubted me from the start and put me in a box. Forgot about me, said all this incorrect stuff. And I’m gonna fight and fight til my tank is empty. The game is afoot and I’m gonna work my ass off to get some stuff done.

"cuarcita"

- so im writing this when immunity is 1/2way done and of course i am tied for immunity. me winning immunity outright? sorry cannot relate. im tied with brian as well which makes me hella nervous so EEEEK. i just really want it so we can force rocks and basically keep elizabeth safe and get rid of one of those 4 who will all probably band together.. godtt i just want immunity SO BAD. it will probably tie but like agh gimme immunity hoes!

"cuarcita"

- If I'm being honest, Andreas getting voted out sucks. Not only because he was my closest ally in the game, but because I was lied to directly to my face all day. I completely understand why Andreas was voted out and I can't be mad at people for making the moves that were best for their game. And at the end of the day, I'm honestly not mad at people for not telling me about the vote because that would be super stupid on their part lmaoo. But the thing that sucks the most is that I don't know who or what I can believe anymore. Jayme, Torsa, and Matt have been so loyal and kind up until this point but can I really FULLY trust anything after this point????? And here's the real KICKER. I do still trust them. I'm probably really stupid for doing this and I'm a dumb idiot who just wants to love everyone but I really do still trust them and I can't at this time see myself turning on any of them. I may be stupid for this but I'd rather be dumb and get voted out than carry hatred and anger in my heart for people that I love and admire.

"cuarcita"

- I feel so hopeless right now. I feel like I'm backed into a corner and I'm going home. I don't know what I can do at this point because if the "other side" of Brian, Su, Jerry, and Andre all decide to work together this round, I'm literally the only option for the vote. Even though there's a few hours left before the vote, I still feel SO defeated. :(

"cuarcita"

- damn, can't catch a break huh..the one person I wanted gone just won immunity so yuck. But I'm more concerned with my safety right now because I legit got last in a competition about giving others your chips....that's pretty telling to me about how much people want me around or even care if I'm here. It sucks! I feel like I've been a complaining, whining, little meh for a while. It just feels like I keep getting knocked down each day by something else. I'm trying to play the game the best I can, but with how its been, its extremely hard to get people to come and give me any information. And I know I've been trying to give little bits and pieces out to try and earn trust but it doesn't seem to be given back. I think it has saved me some, but I think its still kinda put me in a box that doesn't allow me to gain any momentum. This season has been an emotional Rollercoaster for me all season. Its been one of the most, random and weird seasons too. I'm not sure how I feel about any of it, its not been the most fun I guess. I've felt like a chained up bird who wants to break free of the chains. If something could truly bounce my way I could try and make a run at this thing...but it just feels kinda distant or too late. I've had thoughts that I....regret. in this game. And I don't like to regret. But idk what I could have done differently to change my potential fate. I've felt like I've worked hard to stay in the game and I'm not gonna quit. I just need to catch lightning in a bottle.

"cuarcita"

- OK, so with Andreas GOING, I for sure feel a lot less pressure! I do think it'll still be a bit difficult to navigate the last couple rounds of this game, but I do see hope for me in the future! I think this challenge will be a rough one for me to win... but I do think it's possible for me to win! And I'm excited for the adventure I'm going to have doing so kjFHA because you can't strategize, so I'm going to just randomly assign it based on who I wouldn't mind winning immunity? I don't know... probably won't be my exact process of thoughts, but kjHFJAK... I can't tell you exactly what I plan to do because my 4 braincells really can't process anything what-so-ever.

"cuarcita"

- it's so quiet... like these people have lives which is valid but just tell me a name and go i beg

Day 31
"cuarcita"

- WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I HAVE IMMUNITEAAAAA. we love it! Feeling very cute with my final 7 guaranteed. but ya no one is talking (as per fucking usual literally sounds like the screechiest broken record at this point in time cause its literally the same every tribal lol)

It seems like brian is the big target and everyone knows about my idol (apart from elizabeth for some really dumb reason??) cause andre has been like ya know. telling everyone the little snake. not that it like means a lot cause i will be trying my hardest to get this next immunity. whether i do?

nope scratch that. people (and when i say people i mean jayme and torsa aka the overlords apparently) are now contemplating taking out jerry! which is good cause he is a non factor honestly and is just screaming goat to take to the end and my threat level in increasingly steadily i feel like so by keeping brian keeps my threat level still lower which we love.

i think its jerry god blessssssss. time to go and nap and end my suffering

"cuarcita"

- I'm a little more worried now with Matt winning immunity and Jayme and Torsa obviously voting for him in that tiebreaker that... I'm a bit mcfucked... but who knows! Andreas going couldn't have left the biggest target on my back, could it have?

Oops..

Looking back, maybe it wasn't in my best interest to work against Andreas.. but he was AFTER MY ASS!!! What was I supposed to do? I have to thank Torsa and Jayme if they continue to keep me in this game because they really shouldn't, but I can't be mad if they do! I will probably vote and push for Jerry if people don't start talking because I trust Liz more than him at the moment... but highkey I don't really know !!! I'll do anything to survive this tribal!

"cuarcita"

- Caño cristales - day 31

Day 32
"cuarcita"

- I can't believe I was SO nervous for a tribal where I didn't even get any votes. I really was out there thinking it was my darkest hour lmaooo.

"cuarcita"

- Hi guys im SO sorry for the lack of confessionals last episode. I just was so busy, i didnt have time to sit down and write stuff out, and honestly? im pissed off and im ready to fight.

i know im at a point where i'm not seen as the strongest player. I havent been able to go all out cuz of how precarious of a position i entered the merge in. ppl still weren't sure about me and i needed to lay low and reintegrate and get that easy target off my back. BUT i am tired of waiting now. I love Brian sm but i need threats out of here, so i was down to take a shot at him especially cuz everyone told me they were leaning to do him (although no one confirmed it). I had to vote a couple hours early so i gritted my teeth, played smart and voted brian.

i log back on 3 hours later to find jerry, one of the weakest players in the game (no offense to him, he just never had the agency to do anything or had control) gone in a 6-1-1 vote, with my sole vote for Brian and Jerry voting me out of desperation cuz I wasnt online

its just like....im TIRED of this. I get why Chris is mad at us now!!! Cuz I've been content to not be playing super hard until about this phase of the game because I knew I needed to get deep to rebuild relationships and have some shields before I started making moves. BUT! PEOPLE ARE REFUSING TO MAKE MOVES!!!! BRIAN IS GOING TO BEAT ALL OF US! LOVE HIM SO SOSOSOSOSSOOS MUCH BUT IM NOT GOATING FOR ANYONE HERE!!! TORSA AND JAYME ARE IMMUNE THIS NEXT ROUND, MATT HAS AN IDOL AND IT DIDNT GET FLUSHED, AND YET BRIAN IS STILL HERE AS WELL! it seems like my only chance in hell of being able to win this game is if somehow miraculously, im able to take out matt, brian, torsa, and jayme in the next 4 votes! and that means brian cant win immunity this round but its a slide puzzle which i abhor so fuck me!!!! YAYYY

im just annoyed cuz i know maybe i shouldve tried to do more earlier, but i have been pushing for big moves! i was the one who threw andreas's name and pushed it, i was the one who threw jake's name and pushed it even though i had NO time because i am not going to let myself be an easy vote or a weak player! and i know my game is not going to be respected, people are going to drag me to hell and back for my self vote and for ""not doing enough"" but im REALLY trying with the time constraints i have.

jerry leaving was honestly pretty terrible for my game cuz him and liz were the only people i thought i could for sure beat at the end. i might have a chance against matt or andre, but andre is panicking, and matt has never been very honest with me or reveal a lot to me although he talks a lot openly with others. it just looks like Torsa and Jayme are going to run this game into the ground! and I LOVE THEM, especially Torsa, shes a FANTASTICCCC human being and jayme rocks BUT IM TIRED!!! IM FUCKING TIRED OF IT!!!

everyones telling me someone else pushed for the jerry vote besides them and i just dont give a fuck at this point! im here to win, yall are fucking getting on my nerves and making me madder and sadder than i already am cuz of irl stuff, and im NOT going to let yall get away with it! wow im in ranting mood but i DONT CARE IM HERE TO PLAY SURVIVOR AND THESE PEOPLE BETTER LEARN TO FUCKING PLAY!!!

i guess i just wasnt panicking until now cuz i saw a good path for myself if Brian or Matt was leaving at F8. I saw me/jerry/liz/andre being a foursome (CUZ ME AND ANDRE HAD AN ALLIANCE W JERRY AND TALKED ABOUT INCORPORATING LIZ, AND THEN THEY GO AND VOTE HIM OUT?!!?!?! PLEASE EXPLAIN!). We would take out Brian/Matt F8 and F7, flushing Matt's idol F8 round hopefully or blindsiding him f7, and then taking out Tori/Jayme in F6 and F5 and then Andre f4 and then me going to FTC with liz and jerry. that was my ideal plan in my head to try and win. but with jerry gone, im suddenly possibly in the second goat position of the merge which is scary! i have to fucking work harder and these people better start playing and not just following. cuz like f9, f8, ya thats still some time until finale. ppl who go balls to the wall then are going to get sniped if they cant win immunities like me. but its fucking final 7 now. this isnt the time to sit and play patty cake and let torsa and jayme glide to the finish line.

i know im def culpable. i know i shouldve tried to do more. but i was just scared cuz one failed plan or one thrown name people dont like and yOURE GONE THIS SEASON!!! legit so many votes happened cuz ppl didnt like a name someone threw and then poof! gone unanimously! and im HONESTLY TIRED OF THIS SEASON CUZ OF IT CUZ NO ONE WILL TALK AB SHIT UNTIL RIGHT BEFORE THE VOTE AND ITS SO IRRITATING AND I CANT HANDLE IT!!!

AND TOMORROW IM GONNA BE GONE FROM 1-9!!!!! SO LIKE

RIP TO MY GAME BECAUSE SORRY IM BUSY IRL BUT PEOPLE ARENT GONNA MAKE ANY BIG MOVES NEXT ROUND AND ITLL PROBABLY BE ME AND WE JUST STAN. i know its my fault for being busy but i just wish i had more time so i could fucking show these people what i can do and make sure i am playing the best game i can. but no. these ppl wont talk, and i overcommitted. so. torsa and jayme r winning this season like they deserve for walking all over everyone in the nicest way possible, and im going to wish i had put aside more time for the season and that everyone wasnt mute until 1 hour b4 the vote.

that was a lot. im sorry LFMAOOO i just needed to get that out. every1 is wonderful....their gameplay just makes me wanna scream.

"cuarcita"

- dear confessional.

today is not a good day. People are really wanting my head on silver platter rn cause i have ""held a lot of power"". like bitch, align yourse;f with the correct people then LOOOOOL. andre is still being bitter abt the alex vote like idgi. he;s not making the end without me so like wyd boi. like i get it, i blindsided you. but coming for me and telling everyone that im a threat and them then telling me? not a cute look at all. like you are really looking so dumb rn. jayme has also like been off with me the past couple of days so im kinda confused what he is actually thinking. he's gone from our usual banter to being really cold and distant so im worried. maybe he was annoyed that we were killing off jerry instead of brian? he was really pushing for brian and i think he was peeved we weren't doing it. well guess what boo. power players cant get their way all the time. its called a flipping the vote and if you say you ""dont care what we do"" then like wyd bro. if you;re not gonna make a decision, then I am. i didn't wants brian out cause keeping brian meant that my threat level was lower cause people would want brian out before me. well that was before andre put his grubby little hands into peoples heads that I'm the big threat LMAAOO. little shit needs to be flushed outta here. do i think i'm winning immunity? no lol but hey i know i cant get f6 at least i know i should be proud of that but still i at least want to better my placement. i know i can i just need to pull some shiiiiit. hi future me reading this when ur out in 7th

"cuarcita"

- https://vocaroo.com/i/s1elwZTA9msB

"cuarcita"

- SOO... I'm kinda sad to see Jerry go, but I'm just going to avoid being online a lot of the day because once I come home from work, I want to just relax! I don't want to think about too much or do too much, and so I'm going to do just that! I haven't had a good day to myself in awhile, and I can't worry too much about this game! I'm going to have to try and channel my inner Loris for this challenge because it's a slide puzzle and he snapped on it... but kjdhasd.. YA! Das it for now

Day 33
"cuarcita"

- I WON IMMUNITY! Halle-fucking-lujah! I couldn't deal with another round of Torsa and Jayme toying with my fate in this game! It's funny because Matthew told me that Jayme had said something to the extent of, ""We shoulda voted the threat out, not Jerry!"" YA BITCH! HAhAHAH!!! I love them all so much personally, but if they wanna do clownery, me (the clown) will come back to bite them! I'm hoping that with this immunity win, I can secure myself numbers going into final 6 to turn against Jayme and Torsa! Which would then mean that I get at least top 5...

That would be so so nice... I hope that we can just take out someone like fucking Su... who I have now been betrayed by TWICE! I love him dearly... he's like my little brother at this point... but holy SHIT... he voted out Loris and proceeded to be messy to my face and behind my back... and then he votes for me because Jayme and Torsa tell him to? It's not a cute look, but it also shows that he's willing to do whatever he can to survive, even if it means losing at the end of the game. So tbh. He can go!

Andre is being really messy behind the scenes, but I think if I can scare him back into shape, we can take out Su and be fine. I'm just fucking OVER... these stupid hoes... and I'm not going to get 6th for a third time in a row because I am NOT Satanic!

"cuarcita"

- I had a conf written out but Torsa said it was too mean and to keep it in my drafts so that's what i'm doing. it's just...everyone besides torsa, su, and elizabeth are so hard for me to talk to bc they're all throwing pity parties for themselves or ignoring me or just being generally shady and i just...can't do it anymore. like. i don't trust anyone besides torsa. i know that they're going to gang up on the two of us next round unless they wanna take a shot at brian, and it's just like.............................theyr'e all so fucking boring and dry to talk to. they literally jsut...stopped trying it feels like. besides torsa and su it feels like everyone just stopped trying and idk i really Can't(tm) do it anymore bc i'm both bored and irritated SGKGSGSKJGSJKGSGS. and they're making moves that make little to no sense, like matt ""ik andre is targeting me but let's not vote brian out bc it might make andre mad"" harrod like........what kinda fucking logic is that. and now. it's just dumb bc they wasted a vote to take out jerry when it literally should have been any of the other jury threats of brian andre or su and idgi

w/e. ig im just gonna stick to the get andre out plan .... ik this conf probs is a mess and all over the place but everyone besides torsa gets on my fucking nerves

"cuarcita"

- So more updates from me about this tribal cause like im kinda over it and i'm playing my idol cause fuck this honestly i just want to get my placement equalled from newfoundland like is it too much to ask!!?!?

so like i confronted andre about him targeting me which he openly admitted cause he doesn't trust me since the alex vote (which is fair but like come on bro be like elsa and let it the **** go cause its a game). but like i think we cleared the air between us at least so yay maybe? idk im still nervy about it and cause of that im on edge and will probably play my idol. So we come up with the idea to get Su out cause he's a survivalist (and by that i mean like he just votes wherever is convenient and that keeps him in the game) and is probably torsa/jayme's goat tbqh. so like yeah easy vote and with only 4 people eligible to be voted me literally working with andre and elizabeth then su becomes the defacto vote. not our fault (but it is cause we gave torsa/jayme 2 rounds of immunity)

so like yeah su is our vote, elizabeth and i want to somehow tell jayme and torsa so they aren't mad @ us but like not really gonna happen cause they wanna save su to be their goat lowkey.

im over being labelled a threat and honestly? im like so proud of how i have played thus far and i am not gettong 7th. no ma'am no ham not today. would so much rather use an idol incorrectly and know im not leaving rather than get blindsided out with it

im a nervous wreak and i want MOA (main org anxiety) to be full diagnosed as this aint funny no more LOOOOL. fuck my life

"cuarcita"

- IM OUT HERE BEING CHAOTIC ACTUALLY MAKING A GAME MOVE AND VOTING OUT SU LMAAOO EAT SHIT CHRIS BLUE WHO NEEDS UNAN NOW

its 2:40am fuck my life

"cuarcita"

- honestly i havent given up, but i do know the game is nearly impossible for me to win now, and im coming to accept that.

these goddamn fools voted out jerry last time instead of brian for god knows what reason, almost every single one of them has told me this past round they wish they hadnt! yet they all did! they got rid of the weaker player and kept in yet another massive threat, assuming they could take him out this round but nope!! he wins immunity. and now it's time to pick off the weaker players once again cuz matt has his idol and torsa/jayme have the pendant and brian is immune.

i love brian sm but its like....these ppl were so dumb to keep him game wise. SO dumb. he needed to leave for nearly all of our games except maybe jayme/torsa to use him as a shield, and yet even they both wish they got him out. so im just furstrated cuz honestly if i was on...i wouldnt have let the vote go onto jerry as an easy vote.

so ya since i was busy and wasnt able to be on to help these ppl make the smart move of HEY LETS VOTE OUT THE FRONTRUNNER WHILE WE HAVE THE CHANCE??? im now stuck in a spot where it's either me liz or andre

andre's been trying his ass off to make something happen, he wanted to do this wild 3-2-2 vote where me liz him vote matt and hope he doesnt play his idol, and we split up the other four with torsa/jayme voting him and brian/matt voting me. but like. thats so wild to assume the other four wont even consult e/o. it was never going to work. he asked me to throw him utb to jayme and torsa tho for the plan so i did just that XDRCFGVHBXDZSDTFYGUFDYGUHIOG

so ya basically to survive, cuz i know no one's going to vote off Liz, cuz i love her but people see her as the easiest person to beat rn i think, I have to vote off Andre or its gonna be me. once again im forced to fight for survival instead of make the move that is smart for me, and part of the reason why is cuz everyone worth taking out rn is basically immune!!! its just annoying LMFAO the pendant and immunity and eveyrthing just makes it so hard.

so ya i've sold andre down the river and i think he's gonna end up going maybe even unanimously cuz matt's voting him, brian told me he's heard only andre and liz said she knows the plan isnt gonna work. I also have Jayme/Torsa def on my side. I feel like Torsa REALLLYYYY really trusts me, she tells me everything and even concerns about everyone else in the game. I know she's good at making ppl feel close but the level of info we share and it doesnt leak is too much for it to all be fake.

I know i'd struggle to beat jayme or torsa, but for the moment i think its good for me to be on their side cuz they hold some power and if they're looking out for me and im on the line the next vote, that's two votes to make sure im safe. I dont know if i can go to the edn with them strategically no matter how much i do love them but i cant take them out anyway rn so why not work w them LOL

brian and i have distanced somehwat which sucks :'( i think my vote for him last round was the last straw and he has lost a lot of game trust in me cuz ppl told me he was gonna vote me out w andre. i love him sm as a person but i do get why he's doing this

this sounds so somber and i really am not somber! im trying to keep positive, and im smiling to everyone in the game and not acting dejected, keeping up my social game best i can. just from a strategic perspective, its hard for me rn cuz i do feel like i got pushed into a corner but other people's dumb decisions and its going to take a lot to fight out of it, and imma have to do my best to take out all of jayme torsa and brian these next 3 rounds if i wanna have a good shot at winning LMAOOOO ugh. pray for me yall.

"cuarcita"

- So Andre's been trying to pitch teaming up with Su to me to try and take out Matt. While I do agree that Matt is a really strong player and could be considered a threat, I really want to continue staying loyal to him and absolutely don't want him gone. Matt's been pushing hard to get Andre out because he knows that he's gunning for him and I think Jayme and Torsa are thinking something along the same lines. My one problem is that I really like Andre and the idea of voting him out makes me sad. Andre's so much fun to talk to I really like him but I'm not sure if I want to go against what the rest of my alliance is saying to try and save him.