Board Thread:Season 47 - Heroes vs. Villains II/@comment-24277959-20180612032420/@comment-24553600-20180612181900

Hey Evan, even though I did hurt you I do wanna say thank you for the kind words about my game because you're right, you probably do know it best from a past standpoint. I know you probably need a lot of closure regarding this game since you got one of the shittiest ends of the stick so I hope I can give you that, even if it's not what you want to here because I do plan on being 100% honest. I tried to reply to this last night but fell asleep around 3:30am while doing this so I'm sorry for the wait.

''I need you for once to drop this mask and speak your truth behind all of this, the reasons I had to go, your involvement and knowledge of it, and if you did, why you bs’ed me when you had no reason to. I’ll leave it to myself to determine the validity of whatever response you wish to provide and cast my vote from there, and to get this over with already.''

- I wanna go about this in a way that I hope you can see game when I reference me talking about the game, and then the personal side of it until I get to that point.

I actually hate the setting of Final Tribal for personal questions that this will turn into because it makes a lot of comments sound kiss assey or disingenuous. So I just want to let you know if you want to talk to me after the season and we can have a real conversation regardless of how this goes I can do that for you too because I do wish to talk to you once this is all over.

I'm gonna start this with the game/'technical' side of what happened, and just be aware I blame myself as much as anyone else with this. Towards the middle of the premerge, your name had started to come up more frequently then I initially told you. From your own allies too like Rob/Nick and others like Declan and the villains. People saw you as the head honcho to the heroes faction and were becoming a large target, which was a problem for me for multiple reasons. It wasn't just you being seen as this leader, because I was right up there with you apparently and we were the ones people initially saw leading the hero alliance. It was starting to effect my game as well as people saw us as a duo and unbreakable, Mackie specifically mentioned wanting to work with you and me despite me literally never mentioning you, and told Nick you and me were unbreakable. People were just seeing you as a leader who didn't socialize really outside the alliance (these are people's words about it I'm not trying to discredit you or your game but just reiterating what people's perception of it was). So to counteract the perception of us, I had to say I was okay voting you off to people like Declan, just to stay in the loop of things.

This is where personal matter comes into play because, I hope you don't think I just let you go first chance because that's not the case and I went to bat for you numerous times. You may not realize it, but you were veerrrryyy close to going home both the Tate tribal and John one, Declan wanted to use Tate/Mackie/Maya during the split vote to get you out and then idol John and get you out during the next vote. But didn't because I didn't want you gone, even the Jordan vote when your name was brought up I said I wouldn't vote you. This was becoming a problem because the more I stood up for you and protected you, the more people like Nick and Declan grew weary of my actual intentions with you.

At final 11, it reached a point where after the Jordan vote people were already throwing your name out as the target immediately, but this time they didn't need me for it so they were going about it with or without me. This was a testing point for me also like, with moving forward with people like Declan and I wasn't just loyal to people I knew. And I still almost didn't let it happen, I know for a fact I had a conversation with Rob during the vote where we were discussing not voting out Mackie instead of you going home. But it just came to a point where, I had to look at the game from a GAME standpoint, without the relationships. For the betterment of my game, you being gone would open up more doors for people to want to work with me while, quote for quote from Audrey you being gone made me "look a lot less threatening". Of course the personal side of me was in complete state of depression because I didn't want it to happen and literally said when faced with this "Do what you want but I'm not helping or involving myself in it." Which is basically the same as pulling the trigger.

If I had to compare it to anyone, I would compare it to when I went home in Archetypes. Brett cut me because people weren't talking game with him anymore because they just thought he would run everything back to me, but in this game you were me and I was Brett. Not to the extent people thought I was your goat, but it was going to be me or you as people's first target because I can't imagine they'd let us steamroll to the end, so I got selfish and looked out for myself.

As for the lying about it, it was a mix of things. Like I said I was unsure if I should go through it, but when thinking of the what would happen if I told Rob to flip back with us and vote Mackie or even playing my idol on you, it just seemed like too many variables. Claire and Lexi not trusting each other, the constant fear of one of us being the next one to go if not now, the lost trust from the other side. I did want to tell you but didn't want to lose trust with both the other side for telling you, as well as Claire/Lexi for knowing. It was a huge burden to bear on my shoulders like with the Rob vote, that I was meant to be the one to tell you while everyone else was okay with just letting it happen. I shouldn't have been dishonest with you after the result but it was because I was offline and then came back on after results were posted and had an unopened message from you. I should have just left it unopened or gave a generic message so I'm sorry for that. Me being mad was not a lie, I was mad about the situation because I felt regret and that I pushed myself into a corner with a mistake, but it wasn't the truth you were assuming which makes it just as bad. Which also has to do with the ROP, I know you think me saying your elimination was my first mental breakdown in the game was a lie, but it wasn't. I had a great deal of regret and shame about the move and I didn't come on for almost 12 hours after the result because I was depressed about it. I couldn't outwardly say "I was having a breakdown because I was having immense regret about my first real backstab in the game", as well as make a bigger case for myself to get here incase I didn't win FIC, but that's my truth.

I hope you don't think I was just dickteasing you around with this stuff because it wasn't my intention and there was so much more to it than me lying to you because I'm an inhumane liar. I really did struggle with this a lot this season, and I hope you can understand at least the position I was in with this kind of stuff. I am sorry buddy, and I hope to talk to once this is all over with