You Have to Be Willing to Lie/Confessionals

Day 9
"hizoku"

- I've never had an idol before, never even had a clue. And quite frankly I'm pissed about Rikibloopdoop island because you have to win challenges to get there (and I'm obviously not very good at challenges).

Still, I'm doing my best to make it count. I have information from Jamie, Ash and Uli about their trips (may or may not be fictionalized) and I think I have a good shot at getting something out of it if I go.

I want an idol, I want one so fucking bad. What does that mean? It means I'm gonna stay up tonight and win the fucking challenge. "riza"

- I'm between the spear and the pig meat right now. In reality my score is way higher. I got 6561. I mean it could give us the heads up to win the next immunity challenge. And I wouldnt have to worry about tribal council. But also it puts a HUGE target on my back. If everyone on my tribe has aroun 2k and I triple that score I'm gonna be seen as a challenge threat. I dont know if I should keep playing to my full potential or make it seem as im not as good in flash games. This is such a difficult decission right now... "hizoku"

- I literally HATE how Alexa doesn't give a shit about challenges. She legit doesn't even try at all. ALL I need is to get highest and for my tribe to not lose so I can go to Rishiri and get that fckn idol... but with Alexa playing we're destined to lose so lol rip. "riza"

- I mean this is all stars and tbh I didnt come to play to hold back anything. Adam Buongiovanni was the master of killing challenges over and over again and yet he won HvsV. But he had to rely on his physical dominance to go all the way. I don't think I would be able to do that.... right? "hizoku"

- I really hope I go to Rishiri because I don't want any of these other fuckers going to Rishiri. Especially not Alexa. "ningyo"

- Prayer circle that our tribe can win this nasty disgusting reward challenge, it's a small thing but that advantage would mean so much, I want to avoid tribal at any cost and it would be totally worth it jfkskfkgkd "hizoku"

- This challenge is hard enough as it is, I don't need Ash in the back of my head saying "DO BETTER!" How about you player a better social game huh? Because in the 7 days we've been here you've obliterated your game COMPLETELY. By evidently trying to play both sides thinking I wouldn't catch on. You're lucky I need your vote a number right now but when I don't, sayonara bitch! "riza"

- So freaking Chris after his damn speech about how it would hurt me to submit such a high score and it could get a target on my back bla bla I was like yeah you're right and I submited my trashy 3900 and he then gets higher than me so he can go to Rishiri???? Really dude? I told him I wanted to go there and he was like yeah I definitely dont want to go back because it will put a target on my back. Bullshit. I hope he does get a target on his back now and he seems as the leader of the leaders. That would be really benefitial to my game. But I wanted to go to Rishiri :c I want to go explore some caves. "ningyo"

- So basically my tribe has to win this challenge. All we are now is one four person alliance. I don't want to turn on anyone, whether it be for loyalty, or knowing at a swap they'll attract more of a target than I will. I do have this nagging feeling that we are going to lose. As much as we say we're a great tribe, we aren't. Alex is great. The rest of us are messed. Luckily, I have an uncanny ability to survive shitty tribes. I did it for half of generations, even though I am always the one dragging the tribe down most times. I just gotta keep being nice, play the innocent ""loyalty is the real fun part of orgs!"" And hope they don't vote me out before a swap. Because a swap will be fun. Just have to get there. "hizoku"

- As Markiplier would say, I am the KING of Spear Toss. I beat every single fucking person in our entire fucking season. As in holy shit, I'm not an average player. I'm one of the fucking challenge beasts. For once in my fucking life. Fear me, bitches. "hizoku"

- OH MY GOD. Jamie and Ash, I am literally two seconds away from calling both your asses out for being OBSESSED with this freaking reward challenge. Ash primarily, you put this shit on YOURSELF. You messaged over fucking 50 damn times asking me if I submitted when I spent over 6+ hours putting in effort. It takes so much freaking self control for me to put on a smile and act nice about it. But guess what? I made your asses freak out for 20+ mins "DID ALEXA SUBMIT JKLKSJKJD" to see you both sweat so the rest of the tribe could see what tyrants you both become. "hizoku"

- I'm really nervous about the challenge results since Jamie accidentally screwed up in the challenge. She felt really guilty about it and was telling me about how she'll let me vote her out if we lose and all these other things. I really want both of us to survive if we go to tribal because I really did bond with her a lot and I think of her as a friend. I'm gonna try my hardest to keep both of us in the game, but if it comes down to it I'll probably have to use her messing up to my advantage because even though it'd still be sad for me, better her than me. "hizoku"

- I'm the only fucking two time Rishiri visitor so far. Let's not fuck this one up. "ningyo"

- How the fuck am I supposed to make a story about my life when I literally have none? Please, I play ORGs with the most fucked up sleeping schedule you can imagine as a European and you expect me to have a social life?????? ok "hizoku"

- I literally KNOW where the idol is and can't go to get it... I thought I could've gone this time and got it but Ash and Matt both had higher scores they didn't tell me about. I can't blame them for that, I tried to do the same lol but it's still annoying because I thought I could've swapped with an idol! Then again, someone could've already found it but I won't know that until I go to Rishiri. "hizoku"

- Remembering what it feels like to try hard at challenges, that sucked. Losing to Ash was probably the worst/second worst outcome because she and Jamie are narrowing in on the special advantage. I've been maintaining that horrible phony alliance with Ash and Jamie..I hate playing with them because I never know when they're telling the truth or colluding. Ash will spill anything to anyone and Jamie's a fucking hurricane so every conversation I have is so stressful. "hizoku"

- I caught Ash lying about Rishiri Island today, she told Jamie and I different things about where she looked. Like we wouldn't talk about it. Still, I need to keep up the illusion. If I swap and I'm on a tribe of Jamie and her friends, I'm completely fucked unless she thinks I have her back. Ash I want to stay close to because she's horribly transparent and sketchy, going to be a huge target come the merge. She kind of reminds me of myself in my first season. "makeinu"

- This tribe at challenges is worst than savanes! "riza"

- How to get yourself back to Rishiri, with steps! Step 1: Get a high score and pretend you suck at the challenge Step 2: Submit your high score because you can't do any better Step 3: Continue to tell your tribe you suck and can't get higher than the scores they are saying they got! Step 4: Make sure they all submit their high scores that are lower than your score! Step 5: Play the victim in pms to the tribe member who has the second highest score to you (Miguel) about how you don't want to go back to Rishiri, but you want your tribe to win the challenge advantage! Step 6: Get them to be okay with you going back to Rishiri Step 7: You're at Rishiri!!!!!! Follow these steps and you can (hopefully) be back at Rishiri if no one else is lying about their scores!!!!11

"hizoku"

- Remembering what it feels like to try hard at challenges, that sucked. Losing to Ash was probably the worst/second worst outcome because she and Jamie are narrowing in on the special advantage. I've been maintaining that horrible phony alliance with Ash and Jamie..I hate playing with them because I never know when they're telling the truth or colluding. Ash will spill anything to anyone and Jamie's a fucking hurricane so every conversation I have is so stressful. I caught Ash lying about Rishiri Island today, she told Jamie and I different things about where she looked. Like we wouldn't talk about it. Still, I need to keep up the illusion. If I swap and I'm on a tribe of Jamie and her friends, I'm completely fucked unless she thinks I have her back. Ash I want to stay close to because she's horribly transparent and sketchy, going to be a huge target come the merge. She kind of reminds me of myself in my first season. "hizoku"

- I'm trying as hard as I can without being too pushy to get on the good side of Matt and Ash since I feel like they're the key to me staying. I'm focusing on me being loyal to the tribe since I know Ash is worried about me possibly flipping once comes a swap and that I'm not too fond of Alexa. I'm really hoping it works because I mean if they did give me a chance I would stay loyal and I would be a great asset to them once comes a swap and merge. "hizoku"

- Haha we're gonna lose this challenge cause we can't get our fucking shit together "hizoku"

- We're a day away from a very anticipated swap and omg I could not be any happier! I can't wait to start the game over again and build new relationships that I can use to possibly destroy some people's games from my original tribe. I'm going to take this opportunity and use it as wisely as I can, making every move with caution. Only thing that's scary is potentially being on a tribe with people from my original season, time for some major damage control. "makeinu"

- Well last tribal went smoothly, but once again our tribe lost another challenge. It's pretty clear to me now that we are probably the weakest of the four tribes. Going into the looming swap down in numbers can either be really beneficial, or really disastrous. Beneficial because we can easily work our way into the cracks the other tribes must have; disastrous because we can easily be picked off if the other tribes are tight. Going into this immunity challenge I really hope we can pull it off a W. I like the remaining people on my tribe, and see them all as potential allies. That being said I need to be prepared for the possibility that we will lose. If we are to lose, my current plan is to wrangle in the girls and target Emile. Emile is someone that I would want to work with post merge, seems loyal, is good at challenges, and isn't an insane social threat. But we aren't going into a merge, I can only assume that a swap will be coming up, and I don't feel like Emile is the ideal ally to have in a swap. We are going in down in numbers and we need people who can charm and woo people over to our side. That's not Emile's greatest strength as he can come off pretty blunt (which I personally love, but others may not) Emma and Ally are strong social players who can aid me in making connections and bringing people over to our side. As well I feel like if I were to be on a swapped tribe with just Emile, I would be the one of us two to be targeted. Emile is more quiet and is pretty good in challenges, whereas I am more talkative and meh at challenges. It's obvious to me who the majority would boot between the two of us in a swap situation. Whereas if a swap situation comes along where I am in the minority with Emma or Ally, I can easily make valid cases against either of the two to be voted out over myself. Hopefully none of this scheming needs to happen and we win the immunity challenge and send the rebels to tribal (they look like a bunch of cocks) "hizoku"

- Jamie is so fucking bossy sometimes. It really fucking rubs me the wrong way. She's just like refusing help, nooo that doesn't fitttt, I'm so tired from doing the entire thingggggg, that doesn't workkkkk, we have it a specific wayyyyy. It's like, well, I'm sorry that I have a life, but it's called teamwork for a reason. You can't just do it all your way because it's called fucking CRITIQUE, you need to be able to fucking work with others to make it the best possible, not just like silently do it and tell no one how you're doing it. It's just fucking bullshit. We're not going to fucking win this challenge. You can't just dominate in an area where you're supposed to work together to create the best COMBINED product. "hizoku"

- I’M SCREECHING LMFAOOO I just found out from Matt that Jared has been going around saying that he hates my guts and I find that so hilarious because he’s literally only in the game because we’ve won every single challenge, if not his ass would be burning grass right now. He better watch the fuck out because I’m gonna make sure that he goes home as soon as I get the chance. Ash trusts me so her blindside can wait a bit, Jared is my #1 priority as of right now and if I have to feed people false information to do it then I will.. "ningyo"

- When the tribe is representing you AND Christine as rats. Like, honestly, bye, I cannot deal. "hizoku"

- Unfortunately, it's looking like we're going to win this challenge which means that most likely Jared and Jamie are making it to the swap. "hizoku"

- LMFAOOOO oh my god I just caused major chaos and I'm gonna play it off as if I'm innocent. I tried sabotaging the tribe in the challenge because I wanted to ensure that there would be some sort of negative energy towards Jared in order to get him targeted at his first tribal. He wants me gone with the wind and I've gotta get him before he gets me. You have to be fearless in this game to make shit happen "riza"

- jake has disappointed me twice today, once by telling me my trip to rishiri was all for not being that someone claimed whatever power hid behind the Sam mccanada path I went on last time, and secondly by not having the immunity challenge results coded by when I asked, and I'm making this confessional about it to serve as a constant reminder for years and years to come that on October 27th 2016, jake rider disappointed me twice

Day 10
"ningyo"

- So we lost. Which sucks. Obviously. But it really sucks because I actually like the people on my tribe... Okay I honestly do love everyone here as people, but I know I have to get rid of them eventually if I'm going to win. The thing is with this vote, I don't want to screw people over. Last round, I said I wanted Alietta gone. And I still do to an extent because I still believe she lied to me. However, I saw what she did when she found out Christine was lying to her, and Christine had no reaso to be loyal. I like promised her that I'd stay loyal. At this point... I am leaning to Sora. Mostly because I think he'd put up less of a fight and he'd throw less of a shit fit than the other two. But my plan is, stay close with everyone. And if anyone brings up my name for elimination then I target them. I think there's a big chance I could be going home. I haven't been as active because I've put my real life first. Hopefully that doesn't bite me in the ass and I don't end up flopping, but I could see it happening. I don't intend to just lay down and die though. Tomorrow will be a busy day. "riza"

- I wouldn't have been upset if we lost because we could've voted out he who won't be named cause I forgot how to spell said name but that's okay winning is nice "hizoku"

- What the fuuuuuck. "makeinu"

- Let's swap. I like my tribe, but it's time for new dynamics in this game "ningyo"

- When I saw the immunity challenge results, it made me feel sick. Four alliance members on a tribe, one of us is leaving and I don't feel safe. I definitely think Sora will vote me out but, I'm going to try my hardest to make sure I'm still in this game. "ningyo"

- I have a few campaign ideas that I will be using to stay in the game. My key one is pledging my loyalty to both Alex and Charley. If I swear my loyalty, then they are going to know I'm telling the truth. Why would they get rid of someone who is completely on their side? Secondly, these two are going to need a bigger target in front of themselves and is Sora going to be leaving if he is sat next to the two of them? No, one of them will and it will most probably be Alex. Keeping me is smart. Wherever I seem to go, people want me gone over other people. I'm a threat. Thirdly, I think I've been more consistent in challenges than Sora? I'm not quite sure on that some I am going to have to bring up some receipts to prove that? Fourthly, I am going emphasize that this will be my last time to play in a long time because he can relate to that. With all that, I need to use it smartly to stay here and if I go home, I couldn't me any happier that I was voted out by these three people. But, 19th place? That is NOT an option. I am going for the gold and I need to play to stay. "ningyo"

- This is late but, I FOUND THE HIDDEN IMMUNITY IDOL !!!!!!!! I'm really sad this is a little late but THIS IS CHRISTINES IDOL. BC ITS BEEN FOUND IN DEDICATION TO HER. I'm 90% sure this is also the only one for this tribe, so if I can just recover from shooting myself in the foot trying to save Christine I can get in a good position and with this idol it can help me at a swap or merge. Also shoutout to Sam McCanada who has literally always been my guardian angel throughout my entire time on the ORG ❤. "ningyo"

- Unfortunately we lost today, and it sucks because we should've swapped already. Everyone on this tribe could've been a number for me and now it's basically picking which one is the gonna be a liability in a swap, or which one is more beneficial in a swap. I think Alex is loyal to me and doesn't wanna vote me since I helped him the most in the challenge, plus he did the challenge despite having an essay due so like I would feel like shit voting him out so I'm not gonna do that. Which leaves Alietta or Charley, both have their pros and cons to them. I think me and Alex are pretty solid on not voting for each other and I don't think Charley or Alietta would go to rocks for each other so we just gotta steer them in the direction of each other so me and alex arent in trouble. Charley has Hunter and Alietta has Brett (i think @ both), so it's really like will these connections hurt us or hinder us. I think Charley is more loyal to me but the problem is I don't think people will find her threatening compared to me or Alex and one of us would go first. Alietta on the other hand is a big threat and a good shield whose good at talking to people. We need to make a decision about who would be better to take into a swap so we all don't get picked off.. "ningyo"

- Could Alietta be getting her own way once again? At the beginning of the day, I felt unsafe and then I felt like I'd have to vote out Charley after talking to Alex. But now, Alex sees the sense in voting Sora out and that leaves two of my closest allies left with me. And they don't seem close with each other as Alex wanted to vote her out so that leaves me in a very good position. God, this game is damn hard. "riza"

- Hunter_Voting_Confessional_4_-_"9_to_5_Job"

"hizoku"

- MY CRAZY ASS PLAN WORKED I'M SCREAMING. So as soon as I decided I was going to sabotage the challenge to create tension between people I knew I had to go to Matt playing the victim and acting as it would be pinned on me for being the easiest one to put shit on and he bought it HOOK LINE AND SINKER. IS THAT THE BEST PART? HELL NO. Jamie fucking BELIEVES that Ash is the one who did it and they think she's totally insane. LMAOOOO they used to be close and now she doesn't trust her at ALL. Villains always have a lot more fun and I'm loving it! "riza"

- I've been thinking over what's the worst feeling in survivor besides getting voted out and I'd say knowing a vote is going your way and you're helpless to stop it "riza"

- I feel too safe and that's ALWAYS a bad thing "hizoku"

- Maybe I have high standards for challenges. Maybe because people used to actually try. Awkward. "hizoku"

- I know like some of my tribe members might be ecstatic for a swap, but I couldn't be dreading it more. I don't last well in swaps. Especially with everyone knowing each other and all that crap. I didn't have two weeks to build up a massive social game like in All-Stars, all I have is my tribe and I'm about to lose that. I'm not super confident in myself right now and I'm really worried. The reason why I haven't visited Rishiri yet is because I can't screw up this time. I've got to find an edge against everyone else. Hizoku could easily be targeted for being such strong challenge players and I'd rather not be basically Pagonged again. All I can do is pray that Charley survives this tribal and hope that I land on a tribe with either Hunter or Charley on it as well as a tribemate. I'm so fucking scared. I don't know if I can pull this. I used to play cocky, but I just haven't been allowed to build those relationships that I need to feel secure in this game. On the bright side, no Anti-Ash alliance yet. Let's just hope I can still work my magic. "ningyo"

- Yeah by the stand of things, it looks like Sora may be biting the dust, but there's a lot of time left at tribal... Charley or Alietta better not rat, or there could be serious problems 😕 "riza"

- My tribe is like the just barely able tribe, meaning like we are just barely able to win challenges and it's so funny. We're such a pathetic mess, well, my tribemates are because to an extent I believe I'm carrying a bit of the weight of this tribe as well as Miguel in these challenges, but it's just funny seeing us every time just barely coming in 3rd place on a challenge. At least we're still safe though! "hizoku"

- For the record, I did not delete the google doc but OH MY GOD AM I GLAD IT HAPPENED. EVERYONE ON THIS TRIBE IS SUCH A TYPE A SHIT SHOW (MYSELF INCLUDED) AND I'VE JUST BEEN WAITING FOR SOMETHING INTERESTING TO GO DOWN. TODAY WAS THE DAY. FIRST, JARED BASICALLY USES THE IMMUNITY CHALLENGE AS AN EXCUSE TO PUT ALEXA ON BLAST FOR FLIPPING ON HIM IN THE MOST PUBLIC WAY THEN, JAMIE AND ASH HAVE SOME PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE THING ABOUT THE CHALLENGE BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH CONTROL FREAKS. AND THEN SOMEONE STRAIGHT TRIES TO DELETE IT ALL. BASICALLY THROW THE RICE IN THE FIRE. WTF??? IS IT ALEXA TRYING TO FINALLY GET JARED/JAMIE OUT? IS IT ASH BEING ASH? IS IT JARED TRYING TO GET THE HEAT OFF OF HIM AND ONTO ALEXA? IS IT JAMIE TRYING TO MAKE HERSELF LOOK LIKE A HERO FOR SAVING THE CHALLENGE? ALL I KNOW IS THAT I WISH IT WORKED BECAUSE I LIVE FOR THE SHIT SHOW, MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT I'M NOT GETTING TO SEE THIS TRIBE DEVOUR ITSELF BEFORE THE SWAP.

"hizoku"

- I'm feeling great, things are going SO well today. I've been making my rounds with everyone after yesterday's debacle, and it looks like Jamie's suspicious of Ash. That makes me think that there's no way Jamie or Jared did it, because why would they frame Jamie's closest ally? And I know that I didn't do it and I'm 90% sure that Alexa didn't do it because she would probably tell me, and she's the obvious culprit. I think Ash's ego got a little bit bruised by Jamie taking control over the challenge, and she let herself get carried away. That being said, I don't care who did it, I already knew Ash was sketchy. What's important is that Jamie isn't ever going to trust Ash again..she's got a ton of friends in the game but she probably going to have to trust me at this point. What's better is that Ash is going to get cut off, she has to stick with Uli, Alexa and I for now. She did exactly what I knew she was going to do and made herself a big ol' shield for the rest of us, and it's not going to get any better for her. The further she goes the more apparent it is that she's playing both sides. I'm doing the same thing to an extent, but the people I trust are clued in. Maybe it will bite me in the ass like it did in New Zealand, but I'm being more careful now. I think I'm in the best position on the tribe, and the swap is going to be an opportunity for me to build my connections and get myself in a position to control the merge..

"hizoku"

- I'm so relieved that we won again because I don't have to risk anything just yet and Me & Jamie are 100% safe this round after putting the most work in the challenge. I've been talking to Matt a lot more lately and I feel like there is starting to be a connection there since so far as I know we've been pretty honest to each other. Ash is eh.. I feel like we're kinda on the same page but lately she can be pretty aggregating. She definitely likes being in control and it pissed me off how after all the hard work Jamie put in she wanted to change things last minute and Jamie thinks it was her who deleted the gifs which is just.. yikes. I still really do not like Alexa, I just feel like she's a really fake person and she tries to come off all nice but I can see through it. And I don't really have a strong opinion on Uli, every time I try talking to him it flops. In the future I want to try to make some sort of trio between me, Jamie, and Matt since those are the two I work the best with so far and I think we'd be pretty good together. "ningyo"

- My whole campaign to get Sora voted out was basically based around the fact that he is potentially dangerous down the line and we don't know where he stands with the other contestants. I think it is important to point out that Sora was really upset about Christine being voted out, who he was probably friends with after hosting her. I think he is willing to cut his allies to benefit him. Also emphasizing we don't want to go to rocks is another thing. Being united is safer. I knew from before this moment came that the next person I'd vote out is Sora and my actual reason for that is my relationship is not as strong with him as the other two. That benefits me. Plus, I actually don't know where he stands with the other players but the main reason is because our relationship is not strong. With that being said, I'm ready to vote. "ningyo"

- I'm so done with Alietta and Alex. Like we are voting out Sora, and I'm fine with that. It sucks because Sora is super sweet and nice and I love him but he is a wildcard come swap because he could have so many friends. And it really sucks because I have had to lie to him all day. Talk to him like everything's normal. And he's still paranoid! Do you want to know why? Because Alietta and Alex can't even message him back to calm his mind! I mean jesus if you want to have a blindside you have to be willing to lie. You need to be able to go all the way with it. I do. I'll get my hands dirty as much as I hate it, but they won't. And that pisses me off. Like we could have had a nice clean blindside, but no. Because they can't even message him back! So thanks Alex and Alietta! For making this harder on me, having to lie to him EVEN MORE AND MAKING ME FEEL EVEN WORSE ABOUT THIS.

"ningyo"

- i'm going out and it's friday before halloween so chances are i'm not gonna be on late so i need to vote soon or be fucked and no one is talking to me and idk if it's bc there voting me or they really are just all offline but fuck them bc i have an idol so hahahahahahahahaha but idw play it shjdn "hizoku"

- SOO 🙂 last night was interesting! After having spent literally 7+ hours on the immunity challenge, Ash decides to pipe up and pretty much say she doesn't like the gifs lol (which is crazy considering I SINGLE-HANDEDLY got the tribe 129/150!). We messaged each other and she was literally trying to ruin the gif sequence for no reason? I was really confused and thought she was just being delusional until SOMEONE in my tribe (one of Ash/Alexa/Matt, idk who) decided to remove all my gifs from the google doc as soon as I was going to submit, so I wouldn't submit any of the gifs I'd worked 7 hours on 🙂. Then when I caught onto that, instead of deleting the gifs, they added random numbers and letters to corrupt the links so they didn't go anywhere. Fun, huh? Working 7+ hours on fucking GIFS only for your tribe to literally try and ruin them so we lose 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂.

I really don't understand my tribe. In my first confessional, I said that I wanted to play a loyal game this time because clearly being a #rebel hasn't worked for me, but this tribe has legit gone out of their way to make sure I CAN'T be loyal to them lol? In the first few days, Alexa went around the whole tribe and told everyone everything I'd told her, and legit ruined my trust with her when she was closest ally! Then everyone pretty much ostracised me and Jared AND when I gained trust with more people, like Ash, I found out they were spreading shit about me too! AND NOW this is just the cherry on top, someone on my tribe LITERALLY TRIED TO RUIN 7 HOURS OF WORK, presumably to vote me off? I'm pissed right now 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂.

"riza"

- Officially the Final 18! So far that means I've done better than 25% of the cast which seems weird but I think thats a pretty big milestone, as well as making the swap (at least I think). I'm super nervous for the swap bc I know I can easily be pinned as a target especially if I'm alone, which is why I'm really gonna stay on my toes around this time and make sure I'm a likable person, who isn't pushing the social game factor too hard. Hoping for the best while playing with the best, which might end badly but I'm gonna do everything I can to stay alive throughout this little time period.