Am I the Only One Who Sees Through Her?/Confessionals

These are the confessionals made within this episode.

Day 35
"niemand"

- OOPS I DID IT AGAIN I OUTLASTED ULI GOT RID OF THAT BITCH OH BABY BABY OOPS YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE SLEEK BUT YOUR THIRST FOR DRAMA GOT YOU - OUT - OF THE GAME

"niemand"

- In all seriousness, that bitch took my pearl. This is why I can't have nice things yo: bitches get jealous. Oh well, at least he's gone... I had two very interesting conversations so far: Taylor revealed to me that he gave an Idol to Gerda, and pretty much had no choice but to do so... And then Lloyd just randomly confronted me about bring up his name as plan D. Taylor's revelation annoyed the hell out of me on so many levels. First and foremost, he just contributed to Gerda's image of an angel who can get away with anything and who people just hand things to... And that just is not going to put me, or anyone, in a good position at FTC. Secondly... It means that Ben is pretty much doomed if he does not win immunity: Lloyd probably won't go home because he'd be extremely stupid if he didn't find the idol, Gerda has that gift from Taylor, and well... There's no way I can get Lloyd/Ben/Gerda to vote out Taylor. This is a shitty situation I've been put into and it's just... throwing a wrench in my plans for this F3. I can always replace Ben with Taylor, but I'd rather not. My conversation with Lloyd brought me as close as it could bring me to someone I've started to talk to on Day 35. We're on good terms, but I'm not sure what prevents him from Idoling me out if he seems to believe it's his best bet.

Day 36
"niemand"

- YES I VOTED FOR GERDA BECAUSE I CAN. I'M THE ONLY ONE BRAVE ENOUGH AND SMART ENOUGH TO DO IT. BACK THE HELL OFF! What an 'interesting' situation I find myself in. I knew this would be the first time that I really needed immunity and I went all out to win it. It's not until after I won; however, that I find out just how much my safety at this Tribal may have relied on it. It's very interesting how much everyone loves you when you win immunity. I never realised how friendly everyone could be! Gerda approaches me first and asks me to vote Taylor with her and Lloyd. Hmmm.... I might keep looking around. Then it was Andrei's turn. He drops the bomb and says we 'might' have to vote Taylor because Gerda 'might' have an idol. Well he can just turn on a dime, can't he? And then Taylor completes the performance by telling me either he or Andrei are going home. And that Gerda DEFINITELY has an idol. He and Andrei have known about that for 'a long time'. Points to Taylor for eleventh-hour honesty but that does little to dissipate the stench of bullshit emanating from them for oh so very 'a long time'. Just as I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, to work with them, finish the game with them... I was right all along. So without immunity I probably would have been going home tonight which really rankles when I have to hear Andrei and Taylor tell me they have been honest with me since the beginning, that I am their number one ally, that they have protected me throughout and I owe it to them to save them. I'm just done with it. There is no more room for emotion or caring. I'll just do what I do. And someone else can deal with that.

"niemand"

- Oh Lloyd. I know he has the idol but he isn't telling me that. I am really disappointed. I guess since he is now hiding info from me, he is probably also trying to cut off me in the end. As for the challenge.. well, I really wanted immunity but in comes Ben all of the sudden with a perfect score! But then again, it's good. Taylor asked me if he could use my idol if I don't win immunity. And since I didn't, I will use it just to be safe. This also makes Taylor's boot less mean. I feel sorry for having to do that. Taylor is actually a wonderful person and I have loved working with him. Yet people are actually saying he could win this so I'd have to cut him off sometime anyway. Since this time Ben has immunity and Lloyd will most likely idol himself, as will I, Andrei will pretty much have no other choice but to vote for Taylor. I will tell him about the idol before the vote. As for final four.. it'll be really tough. To be honest, since I have heard from some sources that Ben may win, it would be good to cut him. I would like to keep Andrei. We'll see how this goes.

"niemand"

- Tears are flowing down my face as I read what Taylor is writing to me. I have never seen anyone be this bitter against me. It seems that I have wounded him very badly, although it was never my intention to do so. Having him refer to me as "a crazy piece of shit" makes me feel like I want to just go to the bathroom, put some water in the tub, go in and drown. He doesn't see what a toll it takes on me. I have to choose between two people I really care for, and I know in the end one of them will get really hurt. It's not like I want to do it, but it's the game that forces me to.. Most people would have just voted Taylor out without even saying a word to him about it. Most would have run away instead of reading the words he wrote to me just like an hour ago or so. And what he did in tribal.. Gosh, am I really some sort of a monster now for just trying to make sure I win this game? I guess that's the price of becoming a Loki and betraying the people who care about you. Tears. Lots and lots of tears. Only Loki handles getting rid of emotions so much better than me... But what am I supposed to do? Coriolanus for example chose his family in the end and it cost him his own life. I fear the same might happen to me if I don't think my decision through carefully.. I thought that deciding the course of the game would be more fun. But to be honest, it sucks..

Day 37
"niemand"

- I must say goodbye to Jenna Lewis. She has helped me achieve so much but it is time to let go. Perhaps we will meet again... there is still Final Tribal Council. Maybe - just maybe - I can help her achieve what she could not. I want to apologise for some of the things I have said in these confessionals. Most of them were said in jest but this game can be very emotionally overwhelming and I have sometimes been too quick to judge or overcritical. Zac trusted Taylor more than he should have and it was frustrating when he passed up an opportunity to affect the course of the game but to his credit the very next round he correctly assessed the situation and was brave enough to take a chance to better his position. I am glad I played the idol on Zac and allowed him to stay an extra round. Uli does come across as overconfident but I think it is slightly put on and to his credit he is not too proud to admit when he has been beaten. He has perhaps the most interesting outlook on this game that I have heard and I respect his bravery and success in playing that way. I doubt many people could emulate his game play with as much success. Gerda... While she likely would have voted me out if I weren't immune I can hardly hold that against her when she made no promise to keep me. Whilst I'm yet to see if she'll keep her word (and whether it was given just to save her bacon) I feel she has been more honest with me than Taylor and Andrei of late. Taylor and Andrei..... You were somewhat honest and loyal to me but it seems inescapable that you did not intend to go to final 3 with me. I still enjoyed playing the game with you and talking to you. I wanted to make our final 3 work but I couldn't do it on my own. So to actually recap the game.... Taylor and Andrei created a situation they thought they could handle but then I went and won immunity. Everyone has lied to me in this game (and I've lied to them) so it's time to turn off the emotions and do what will get me to final 3. Gerda has given her word that she will not vote against me or Lloyd, going as far as to promise to self-vote lest Taylor win immunity. As long as Taylor doesn't win I think she will keep her word. (She has nothing to lose if it gets her to the final as well.) So I think it very likely I reach the final 3. If it's a final 2 I'm in a spot of strife but there is one final gambit to be played (Please be a final 3. There is only SO MUCH one person can do). So yes, Andrei will go home and most probably Taylor, which seems somewhat fitting. Destroyed by their own duplicity. And I've moved on to one last alliance. Also fitting. (Sandra and Vee would be proud.) I should end up in the final 3 against two past winners. Too gloriously fitting.

"niemand"

- The one person I never intended to vote for is out of this game.. I made a stupid mistake. I saved Taylor and I think it was the right thing to do, but at the end it ended up costing me Andrei... Lloyd had lied about having just the clue. I am very sad. Andrei is really hurt and doesn't really want to talk. It hurts me a lot to see him like this. I wanted to bring him far.. and now he is out... At least I know that in the end I voted neither him nor Taylor. I stayed true to those alliances. I probably wouldn't be able to handle it if Andrei was out because of me. He is such a lovely person. And it just hurts me so much that for me to stay he had to go. But I would throw myself under the fire for him again any day.. I love him enough for that.

"niemand"

- I am disappointed in Lloyd. He not only didn't share the idol clue, but he also didn't tell me about the idol til it was too late. He didn't mention that he was going to use it. But of course he did. Of course I had to lose one of my biggest allies for him to be happy. He almost voted me out. I had to beg like a little child and I hated it. But I guess I deserve that he is mad at me. For example, I made him a promise that Andrei or Taylor is next so that he would vote Zac. And I never ever intended to vote against Andrei. And I didn't. Of course Lloyd was mad that I didn't do what he wanted.. But in the end I had to. And although he thinks he has masterminded the fall of two really amazing players, there isn't a way that he could have done it on his own. Lloyd isn't a good player on his own. He always depends on others. I mean he almost voted me out because Ben was about to! Cause of Ben! He never ever votes differently than some other player in the game. Not til this time at least. I don't get why he thinks my move was personal. Or at least he acts like that. Yes, my heart got the better of me. But in the end, I had to choose between three allies of mine. And it tore me apart.

"niemand"

- So some people are speculating that there are eleven jurors and two finalists. If this is true, it means that I have to work this much harder.. and my gameplay is definitely not ruined. Ever since my beloved Andrei went out I have been really depressed, but now I feel a little excitement coming over me once more! I am ready for battle! If there really is a final two, it means that my gameplay is definitely not ruined! I will still take Lloyd with me to the end and cut off Ben. I find that Ben is a much more decent person than Lloyd ever was (especially since Lloyd said he wants to punch Andrei which in my eyes makes him a major jerk), but Lloyd is also the single most unpopular player still in the game. Therefore, I will take him to F2 just like I promised. And I will destroy him there for taking Andrei away from me like that!!!!

"niemand"

- FUCK ME. IT AIN'T FINAL THREE.

Day 38
"niemand"

- So there are 4 people left in the game and you think everyone would be in a decent mood. WRONG. Gerda is sad about me winning the flag part of the immunity challenge because she put in a lot of effort into her flag…. Im sorry… Like i tell her her flag was great and her flag was hand drawn which is pretty amazing but she can’t change the past. So I go into a new conversation about tribal council and she says she is too upset to talk right now.. Making firstly nervous that she doesn’t want to talk about it because she secretly wants me out this time around or she really cared about that flag… Then theres Ben, he has been the underdog this season, and no one has really seen his as a sheep like Lloyd has been. its weird that a few tribals ago i was ready to vote the guy out in a heart beat but now i feel like i couldn’t keep going in this game without the guy. We have come so far together and thats the same with Gerda. I know both these players are major threats for me winning the game but would i rather go honourably to the end or go to the end with little respect. To be honest i would go honourably because I feel so grateful that this game has gone in my favour the entire time. If I do not win this game I know i tried my best and thats what matters.

"niemand"

- Gerda is a caring, understanding, nurturing treasure. She is many things but she is not the darling everyone thinks she is. Am I the only one who sees through her? I find her rude, selfish, hypocritical and a little bit of a bitch. I gave up my spot to save her in the DrPanda All-Stars season, and I saved her ungrateful arse last round by keeping her in over someone I actually like. In return, she promised she would not vote against me, and that she would vote for Taylor. But that all changes once she wins immunity. She's a user. She sends Taylor snapshots of me telling her I would keep my promise to her and Lloyd, conveniently not mentioning she made the same damn promise. So you're a dirty dog and you're not even good at it. And hey, I've lied and backstabbed but I don't deny it. I don't try to pass myself as this superior 'angel' who can do no wrong. And you see that attitude pop up time and time again. Like her whining about her flag not winning, demanding to know why she didn't win. Maybe because it wasn't good enough? Maybe because it looks more like what an emo 14-year-old girl would design for her DeviantArt page than a Survivor flag? You're not entitled to win just because you think you should. Sorry they couldn't find enough of your acolytes to judge the flags. And please, all you acolytes, send me your hate. Tell me what a jealous ho I am. Prove that I'm right. Whatever. She's going to win the whole season not based on anything that's happened in the game but because of her standing in this community. On another bullshit-related note, 5 of 9 jurors have already decided on their vote???? What a disservice to the game. Why bother hosting Final Tribal Council? How can you possibly have decided your vote when you don't even know who will be in the final? I don't care if all 5 of those jurors plan to vote for me (they don't), it is still ridiculous. Whatever. I will be in that final. I have come so far and I refuse to give up now. It doesn't even matter if I don't win. I don't need validation from others, only from myself, and I know I have played well. Peace out mofos.

"niemand"

- I have made it to the final three. I actually did it. Not because I am pretty and I am a girl. I actually fought and earned my way there. I lost most of my biggest allies on the way and was sure that I might actually be the first boot of the season. And now look where I am! I did make some mistakes at some point but overall I think I can win this game. I will do whatever I can to win.

Day 39
"niemand"

- I feel bad. It was supposed to be me and Taylor til the end! I talk to him about voting Ben and then he still goes and votes Lloyd and.. now he is out! I never wanted this to end this way!!