Board Thread:Season 56 - Mongolia/@comment-44224235-20191229214101/@comment-44142702-20191229230458

Ruth- You asked me a couple of questions in your jury speech, and I'm going to do my best to answer them all honestly and succinctly, because I don't want to drag on too long and bore you much like you said Jerome did in his opening speech, lol. 1. Admit or deny that you were one of the most selfish bitches in this game. I will admit to that. I will admit that I was selfish throughout this game. It is a game of Survivor, and everyone has the same goal- to get to the end and be able to win the title/prize (lets just pretend there's a prize here hahaa). You HAVE to be selfish in order to get to this spot in the final tribal council. If you aren't selfish, or if you aren't always looking out for yourself and wondering how you can get to the end, then you will end up on the jury and not in my position tonight. It's sad that selfishness is something that helps somebody get to the end, but that is the name of the game. The only thing I can not admit is that I was a selfish *bitch*. I tried my hardest to play this game with love, kindness, and integrity, no matter what I had to do or who I had to vote out or what lie I had to tell. Because I have played games before as the villain and in the end, no win is worth that. In fact, we are all here in this ORG community because in our real lives, we are the ones that dont belong. We are the misfits, the weirdos, the drama kids, the gay kids, the socially awkward kids....name the stereotype, that's who we are. And luckily we have all been able to come together in this community and find one another, other people who are just like us. Other people who were bullied growing up, or who didn't have many friends, or who had shit families/home lives. And we have been able to escape all that bullying, all that depression, all that terror....by coming together as a group of people who can love each other and have fun playing these games together. So since joining this community one year ago and finding my place and finding my people, I have made a pact to not become those exact bullies that I have been fighting to escape from for years. And I have tried to play every single game with love, respect, and friendship. So yes, while I may have been selfish in the game, and lied to people for the purpose of the game, and kept things hidden or not been as loyal to some people at times- that is all for the game. And everything personally that I have said to people, everything I have opened up to you all about, every little ounce of vulnerability that came from me....all that was and IS real. And you were one of those people I did become the closest to personally, Ruth. You stuck by my side from the beginning of this game. YOU are the reason I had the first idol, because you not only told me some of the numbers, but you honestly reminded me to search for the idol when I had forgotten in the early stages. YOU helped to build those strong alliances that we had throughout this game. YOU linked back up with me at the merge and gave me vital information throughout this game. You helped me SO much and I couldn't have gotten to this position without you. I know that I made a true friend in you, and I have been planning on keeping that friendship even after this is all over. I just hope you can forgive me for the game things and trust that I meant everything I said to you on a personal level- because I do honestly adore you and think you are an amazing human.

2. Why did I tell Logan so many things? Like idol numbers, leaking plans, etc. I told Logan things because I was trying to build trust in him. I knew that he was the leader of his group and I needed him to trust me, knowing that once he trusted me, everyone else on his side would trust me. And it worked, because Logan never came after me, until he had to in the final four. And because Logan trusted me and never came after me, his minions never came after me either (Jerome, Carlo, Ty, etc). In fact, like I mentioned, my trust with Logan helped Carlo and Ty to feel comfortable enough with me that they also wanted to work with me throughout the game, and I was the first person they went to when they were considering making a move against Logan. I truly, honestly, did not mean to help him so much with the second ulaan Chono idol (the one in which Logan only found the idol because I had shared two numbers with him). I honestly thought that you, me, and Evan would be able to get to that idol first. It just wasn't in the cards for us unfortunately.

3. What moves did I make throughout this game? My biggest move that I made throughout this game was making sure to come off like I wasn't making any moves. Since the beginning of the game, I wanted to play differently than how I normally play. I normally play games very strong, very hard, and very fast. I am a strong competitor and I usually dominate challenges, have a big personality, and make very visible, very big moves. And my usual type of gameplay is great, and I feel comfortable with it, but there's one small problem with it: it never gets me to the end. I am usually the Evan's or the Logan's of games and I make it just short of that final tribal council. So in this game, I played up the role of the ditz. I dumbed myself down, made myself seem more confused and stupid than I really am. I actually threw many challenges....I did not want to seem like the intelligent, physical powerhouse that I normally am. To put this into perspective, the last game I played I won 7 challenges throughout the entire game. So the biggest move I made throughout this game was AVOIDING those big moves that I normally take. I played more under the radar, I played a little more sneaky than I normally do, and so yeah....I may come off a little snakey, or like I was playing the middle. But I knew that this strategy would get me farther than I normally get in Survivor games, and look. Here I am at the final tribal council. Like I said in my opening speech, I made sure to come off as so much of a non-threat that I BECAME a threat, having never received votes until the final four, making many alliances and connections, and slithering my way into the final three. The moves I made weren't big, flashy idol plays, or orchestrating huge blindsides, or selling fruit....I adapted to this crazy game, I changed my strategy each and every round, I thought very carefully about when to open my mouth and when to keep it shut...and that's how I was able to fly under the radar and make it to the end. And that's *hopefully* how I will also win your vote and win this game. I can't wait to reconnect with you after this is all over, Ruth. I seriously love and adore you to the moon and back. Girl power forever <3 -Meggie