You Think I Am on the Outs?/Confessionals

Day 28
"niemand"

- I expected Jhet to go home, but I had no idea so many people were on board! And you know who wasn't? Ben. He was not happy about it, let me tell you. He basically stormed into the Zumbo Tamma FB chat and gave this little speech about how disappointed he was to have been left out of the loop. I guess I can kinda see where he was coming from, but I do believe that he overreacted. There was a plan to split votes after all, and it just so happened that people moved the target onto Jhet while he was away... If anything, his reaction might have been alienating. I asked Adam and Taylor to give help me give him reassurance about his position, but who knows what he'll believe.

Unless Sole wins immunity, she should be next to go. Then we can maybe pagong the old Rolih-polih tribe, that would be fun!

"niemand"

- Last Mpilo standing.... It's so weird!! I didn't think it'd come to that so quickly but I guess if I wanna win it'd have to be that way anyway haha I had to vote Jhet last night because I wanted people to trust me. Sure it wasn't my first choice but I did what I had to do. I really hope people don't think it was me that voted Uli and target me next but I know it was Ben and hopefully I can get myself in a better spot to run this game! I don't really trust anyone left in the game atm after they tried to leave me out of the Jhet vote but Gerda, Adam and Taylor are definitely the big names I don't want to see at the end. Whether it's now or later I don't want them in the FTC with me so I need to make arrangements eventually for them to be voted out. I'm not done with this game yet!!

"niemand"

- JHET. IS. GONE.

I can't believe I am saying those words. I was so worried all day yesterday that our move wouldn't work out.. but it did. This was all about if Sole was going to take power or not. Had Uli gone, he would have. But since Uli stayed, we got power. The Three Dragons have started their way towards controlling the merge. And it will have to do with fire and blood. Honestly, I am not looking forward to it. I don't like voting people out or stabbing them in the back. But that's the reality of Survivor.. And it's time for the biggest challenge dominator of Hawaii to go home.

"niemand"

- Wow. It hurts. It actually physically hurts. To have everyone in the game lie to you and play you for a fool, and to keep lying to you afterwards, just sucks so bad. Fine, they wanted Jhet out, they had nine out of eleven votes to do so, and still felt it necessary to string me along. It crosses the line from duplicitous game play to just being vaguely mean. And they're all happy to do it yet no one will own up to it. Don't feed me shit about people coincidentally deciding to change their votes or all supposed outsiders coincidentally deciding to vote for Jhet. No, you wanted Jhet out so you went over my head to do it. When you find the time to get everyone else in the alliance to vote for Jhet, and everyone outside the alliance to vote for Jhet, and you can't shoot me a message of 'hey bitch, vote for Jhet' then you're not just doing what's best for the alliance, you're a minor-league bastard. Andrei, I'm calling you out. You went to Sole and told him to vote Jhet, and you told him everyone else was so don't act like you didn't know what was going on. And don't tell me afterwards I'm still your number one honey-bun because I don't have time for any of that shit. I wish they would just hurry up and vote me out because I want these people out of my life. And it's not a case of being bitter for being played. It's not just a game. It's life. You're dealing with real people with real emotions and it's disconcerting that people find it so easy to lie and betray simply by rationalising that it's somehow not real or doesn't count. The more I play this game, the more I realise it's not a game to be played.

I feel like now might be a good time to lay out the things I've done in this game that I regret or am not proud of. Voting out Ali was a horrible way to start the game, especially when he was the first of my tribe to talk to me. In my defense, I would have felt equally bad about voting anyone off. Voting out Kevin was good for my game but it was emotionally difficult to eliminate the only person not to discard their morals for this game. Blindsiding Henry and Hunter back-to-back whilst also lying to Jhet about both was the lowest part of this game for me. To vote out Hunter when I knew he was being loyal to me, and knowing it wasn't the best game move for me, was especially difficult for me. He isn't a bad player for having trusted me. He should have been able to. I'd say he was the best player to be voted out pre-merge and it's upsetting to hear he's disappointed with himself. Lying to Jhet about Henry's vote, and then lying to him again for Hunter's was also terrible. The worst feeling for me in this entire game is that I think Jhet still trusted me even after that. And I promised I would make it up to him and I couldn't even stop him from being voted off. Ever since that tribe swap I've just been failing him. If at the end of this game I have nothing else to be proud of save for the fact that I didn't vote for Jhet then I can be happy with that.

"niemand"

- Before Jhet went home, I made some real big moves. I made Taylor vote with us, even though he didn't want to. I told Lloyd about the alliance he wasn't included in at all and it fired him up, so much that he's pretty much turned on his once best friend Ben. Giving me his vote for as long as I can, and I hope to go far with Lloyd. Andrei also wanted Uli to stay, which helps us gain our position for the home stretch. Jhet goes home, I get what I need. Now, this sets me up for further domination. First and foremost, since there's 10 of us left, I need to keep the target off of my back - which is tough, but with Andrei, Uli, Taylor all here, I'll be okay. With 10 of us, there's lots of sub-alliances. There's me, Gerda, Taylor, but Taylor is trying to turn this into his own game. Sorry bud, playing your idol cost you a spot in control. He wants to take out Sole, Uli, then Gerard. Keeping his whole crew in the game? Funny, but not going to work. I have me, Gerda, Uli, Gerard, Lloyd, and hopefully Andrei on the side. All we need to do is take Sole out with everyone now, then bring in our alliance at F9, giving us majority. With Gerard/Lloyd both realizing they are on the outs, we can take out Ben, Zac, and get us to F7 with Me/Gerda hopefully running the show. At that point, Gerard might try + flip, but hopefully his silly goal keeps him with me. If we can get to that point, Gerda can possibly plan something with the idol and I can save myself, getting to F6. I think Andrei needs to go before he becomes an immunity threat. I swore I'd go to the end with Taylor, but I'm beginning not to trust him. Uli also has to go before he turns. I think Lloyd/Gerard are goats, and would rather go to the end with Taylor, but we need to ensure his trust once me/Gerda vote out his allies.

I just need to hope Sole doesn't have an idol to put this all in motion, if I go home, I know I go home playing hard and playing my own game, not Taylor's.

"niemand"

- Damn! Second place in the immunity challenge again... I kinda felt like I needed it this time because the plan to vote out Jhet last time was done and locked in with any of my input :/ I hope the people who I've put my trust in can pull through this time because I think this round is make or break for me. If a plan goes down with me involved I am hopefully in a better position but tbh who knows what's going to happen. I've been getting weird signals from a few of my allies but I might just be being paranoid... Fingers crossed I can work this rough patch out!

Day 29
"niemand"

- So I won individual immunity for the first time this season. It seems that I am quite great with timed challenges. I did get the best score on that Escape that Bathroom challenge. But now something tough stands before me. People say it will be like Hawaii this time and to be honest.. yes, it will be. He is a very dangerous player. He needs to be cut off. But I don't like doing it. I like him as a person. He is great. But since he has been plotting against me, I really have no other choice. I'm sorry, Sole, I hope you can forgive me.. At this point, all I have to do is vote out people I like a lot... But that's Survivor. That's what this game is like. Voting out people is something that happens often.

"niemand"

- I hope this time I've manage to actually end Uli's game! He flipped on me once and I'm not letting him get away with it! From what I know, it's me, Zac, Ben, Taylor, Adam and Gerda voting for Uli with Gerard and Lloyd surely not far behind. If this vote goes to plan I can hopefully make my big move next round. I know that Gerda, Andrei, Adam and Taylor are in control of this game because of the way they need to interact before they decide on who to vote for... This vote was my call and hopefully so will the next one be too. Zac, Ben and I have all agreed that they need to be broken up next round so it really lies with Gerard and Lloyd who I haven't spoken about it with. It worries me that they're the ones I'm going to need to bank on but if it's really going to pay off that's what needs to be done. For now, Uli's gonna be enjoying an honorary spot on the Jury - hopefully a fourth vote for me if I make it to the FTC.

"niemand"

- I think I have become a lot stronger as a player since Hawaii. I don't really cry anymore, I don't get scared as easily and I am not afraid of making big moves. Still, I am unseen behind some great threats. People see Adam and Taylor, but they don't see me as much. And they have no idea that I have an idol. It's amazing. I thought that I was going to go out on Day 3, but here I am - still alive on Day 30. I have no votes against me like the last time. Since I have immunity, I will definitely make it to Day 33. Because I have the idol, I will for sure make it even further. And I am in the major power alliance. I love my position.

"niemand"

- Well that was close! Thankfully, Gerda snatched immunity out of Sole's hands, and hopefully, nothing crazy will happen... I'm not too worried for myself, if anything Adam might be seen as a much bigger threat, but god knows what ideas people have. Soaring high,,,,,,,,,