Board Thread:Season 45 - Molise/@comment-28340190-20180222031416/@comment-33629256-20180222165237

I think I have two biggest mistakes and I'm having to face them tonight, although one is linked to the other!! The first, and biggest, is my inability to see how others perceived the game. What I mean by that is, I really thought that my game would be more respected than it is and I thought people would respect the strategic game I've played more than they are. I think this comes down to my perception of the game. I view Survivor as its own separate world kinda and everything said and done in it is not representative of myself or other people as human beings, ethically. That gave me the ability to make moves against people who trusted me and who were loyal to me, and I didn't consider the emotional impact and hurt that would have on people like Trey and Jordan. I'm genuinely sorry to them both and will cover that aspect more in their respective speeches.

Related to that, I left my goat perception too long. Even with my speech, I think people to some extent still view me as the goat that I made myself out to be, especially people who left before I stopped pretending to be a goat. I thought that, even though I shaped this perception, once I showed the evidence that I had really deliberately shaped this perception, people would respect it. It was related to perception and maybe I should have begun seeming like less of a goat earlier.

Now I really want to respond to what Marty has said. I really don't think our games are that similar because of the amount of control I had and the lack of control he had. My social game allowed me that control and it was undiscovered until the final 4 when Jordan revealed it to the entire chat as he was eliminated. If it wasn't for that, it would've remained undiscovered the whole way until tribal council. I really believe I controlled almost the whole merge and Marty cannot say that he did.

Marty also said he had more strategic input before the final 7 but I think that's not true either!! Marty really had the potential to control the entire merge if he wished, he was set up perfectly. He had been on the original Pesante which gave him connections to one side, and had close ties to yourself and Aaron on our side. If he had eliminated me, Nat and Harrison in quick succession he would have been in the prime position to literally control the entire game, but he failed to do this. This to me is a major lack of strategic initiative and in my opinion his biggest mistake in the game, not failing to rally to save Juliette. Marty had the potential but did not use it, before the final 7 I had actively shaped a set of social bonds that gave me an array of information and also I had formed alliances with people from the other side.

This is also a difference between myself and Marty. Marty had the connections from the pre merge that I did not have. I had no connections to any of the "minority", Juliette, Elias, Jerry, Marty and Jordan. I had been on a tribe with only Marty. And yet by the end I was in a better social position and closer alliance with Jordan, and was very close to Elias and had the potential of working with both Juliette, Jerry and did work with Marty for one vote.