Board Thread:Season 46 - Kariba/@comment-31148030-20180413203552/@comment-33060993-20180417030528

Drew! It feels like it’s been ages since our fateful unconnected gameplay saw us both blindsided by your elimination, but I’m really glad to hear from you. I like your question a lot – my time at FTC has been an experience and it’s forced me into more critical reflection than what I expected. Across the questions posed, I was asked extensively about my game, my flaws, and the games and flaws of the jury and the other finalists alike – the in-depth look I’ve gotten into this experience has really shone a light on the game I played, one that I don’t think a FTC speech can cover. Communication is essential for the human condition. That sounds pretentious, superficial, and vague – but my understanding of my game is severely enhanced having communicated with nine others about it.

Across this response, I went into the honest assessment of my game, my story, and then what makes me smile about everything.

To address your question,

''“SO I want an honest assessment of your play style now that you've had to defend it, a catch-all, - quantify and qualify your game, define it. Sum up your journey, the roles you played, the archetypes you fit and how you defined them.”''

All stories have beginnings before beginnings. Mine is, of course, who I was as a person walking into this game and who I was as a player. In my short history of playing these games, I’ve been a compulsively lying player with no loyalties. By the same measure, I’ve also been extremely loyal and seen myself done wrong by those who I placed the utmost amount of faith in. Based on the extremes, my goal in this game was to find the good amidst the bad and see the happy medium in my capabilities as a player and use them to advance myself.

This led to my Kariba experience.

An experience that encompassed an adaptive strategic style, one that allowed me to overcome a significant amount of adversity, while still navigating outcomes crucial for my advancement — just in very different ways. I’d like to believe this style was optimal, but by the same measure, there were jaw-drop moments that contend the contrary. In looking at the most honest assessment possible, I’ll go into both the merits and flaws of my social, strategic, and physical game, as well as the overall arc I endured across the thirty-nine days we have spent in a virtual Kariba: the highs, the lows, and all that mess in between. I like the categorization of social, strategic, and physical Roisin did, and I’ll follow suit:

Physical -

Arguably, this was one of the highlights of my time in Kariba. Challenges are tangible evidence of the effort I put into this season and the rewards reaped from that effort. I think all of us noticed the amount of endurance challenges this season, a direct measure of will - whether we were saving animals from their sanctuaries to avoid being the dreaded first boot, setting alarms every sixty minutes while sleeping to upgrade our cookie factories, or counting until midnight, they were more often than not a direct measure of just how bad we wanted the ultimate form of security. With nine challenge wins under my belt (per the contestant biographies - the most), three of which were individual immunities and one of which was a tiebreaker, my physical game was a PRESENCE this season.

Most notably, I maintain that these wins always served a strategic mechanism and putting the most into them was crucial. At the merge, immunity was pivotal - knowing that I was naturally at a disadvantage when five names I did not know would be casting a vote with me or against me in two days, it was a necessity to buy more time, which I believed was utilized to the maximum, fostering bonds that would be critical for the merge. Meanwhile, at the late game, as options narrowed down and every name became a discussion point, it was essential every time, hence why I placed first or second in every immunity from F8 onwards. On some occasions, winning immunity was also keeping it out of the hands of others. At F5, it served to see Jack go. With an idol in my pocket, immunity was not the goal - but rather an execution of an aim. By the same measure - that dives into my physical game’s weakness - my failure to win FIC and have more options to explore at  the F4 vote. The forces of the lives we live got me there - the shows started, which caused me to fall behind in academics, and time just wasn’t on my side, preventing me from putting the normal effort forward in challenges. It was that one final physical failure that also saw me forced into a tiebreaker, which was literally putting my life in this game into my physical.

Social -

My mentality for my social side was “a conversation a day keeps the bad social game away”. Did it? Arguably, yes. I believe wholeheartedly that a stellar social game organically leads to a strategic one. That being said - my social game wasn’t really stellar. I’m not a very likable person. I talk too frequently about weather because rain is really cute and it makes me v happy and FL is too hot. Nobody wants to get a tour of my seven cats and their respective stories, but if I get started, there’s no stopping me!! I say “cute” every three seconds for concepts that are entirely not applicable. Some of my connections could have been stronger - particularly, if I’d have worked Becky/Dan harder on Zambezi 1.0, I might have been more in tune with their side in the merge or even at the F15 vote (though Becky/Jordan did converse with me about both). I think my social game did foster the strategic conversations necessary to advance and also maneuvered perceptions to my advantage. I feel strongly about the friendships I made this season and want to continue all of them (especially if someone slides me a jury vote sldfkljf). Particularly, I think my social game was crucial at the merge, where I had to work a perception of a non-factor and build relationships with you, Hals, Matthias, Vincent, and Roisin without having met in the pre-merge phase, which was obviously effective enough to see me work with four out of five of you in some capacity on a level beyond just including me in a vote, but rather real conversations with real feedback about the direction of the game. I wasn’t a social goddess like you or Hals, but there haven’t really been any criticisms at all of my ability to connect to others - and a lot of people were reached in some capacity so I really do think despite the slight setback that is my personality, my social game was effective and critical at multiple points at the game, especially when dealing with the disadvantage of the swapped situation!!

Strategic -

My strategic side was the highlight of my speech, but also undermined once or twice - after all, it’s the principal criticism I’ve gotten from most of the jurors. There were skepticisms that I played the way I did, hence why the first half of my responses included conversations and confessionals that I believe entirely verified my perception of my game. We haven’t had interactions since, but it is my sincerest hope that my responses accomplished what my speech didn’t in showing the jurors my game.

When merge hit, my style had to change to suit my conditions - it’s why I believe my game was adaptive and best suited for the pace. I was what I needed to be, when I needed to be it. Most importantly, that adaptation led to different strategies for the outcomes. It led to: a successful impact and contribution towards my desired outcome in the F13 (Ben), F12 (Elizabeth), F11 (Dan), F10 (Dovile), F8 (Becky/Jordan), F6 (Matthias), F5 (Jack), and F4 (Hals) votes. I’ve taken an excerpt from another response with some variations that I believe best describes my strategic impact, because there were several rounds wherein my contributions, initiatives, and influence, really helped enforce or set the direction of the vote. This included:

F13 - being vocal about Ben leaving instead of Liz, which secured me an advantage that would shape aspects of my merge game (patrice the hunter’s lodge idol)

F12 - allowing Liz to leave and maintaining a perception that i was a loyal ally, while using the vote to build trust with Jack that would be important to route OG Hwadze

F11 - setting the dynamic that would cause OG Hwadze to fracture upon itself, changing 8-3 into 7-4 and opening up several different allied options (e.g. jack/vincent/drew/roisin)

F10 - using my close relationship to dovile to understand her cards and sabotage her attempts at the last minute alliance, as well as contributing to the idol misplay

F8 - being the name that fractured the majority, resulting in two different plans to save me due to a continuously worked perception that i was a non-factor, despite being identified as “(co) playing the best game, will win if not stopped, and (co) want to see win” in touchy subjects.

F6 - being the glue that held the straights together by campaigning and planting lies, sending a huge risk factor out and covering my own duplicity

''F5 - utilizing my understanding of advantages and winning immunity to send a threat out of the game, regardless of what others would do. ''

F4 - surviving despite difficult odds by securing Vince's vote despite our own tensions, resulting in a chance to fight hard for ftc, which i successfully did.

There were also two stains upon my strategic game that I think are fair to assess. The F9 and F7 votes left me blindsided. Both instances were reflections of the principal strategic adversity I faced this season (not meeting five players until the merge and having less opportunity to understand that dynamic before navigating it), as well as my own shortcomings. To go into them - with your vote, I had heard talks of the “middle” group from Vincent since F11, and believed it was a lot more solid than it was. I placed too much faith into the solidarity that wasn’t there. With Louise’s, I pushed for the outcome I wanted harder than I should have and by abandoning a good situation for a better one, I lost it altogether. Both instances resulted from the fact that I just never got to observe the Hwadze / Hwadze 2.0 dynamic and had to rely on others’ perceptions rather than my own. It’s a combination of circumstance and contribution, but I think my strengths outweigh these moments.

Strategically, I survived the most tribal councils with thirteen, with the most challenge wins (at nine), faced the most adversity (swapped tribes) and overcame it, was the only member from my original tribe left at the finale and changed my style of play in accordance to what it needed to be. To discuss archetypes, I was quite a few - an underdog, a physical threat, under the radar and above it when I needed to be - I was all over the place, but it was necessary to get me to the end with a significant amount of influence as to how I got here.

As for my story,

This was my third time applying for this ORG; rejection hit hard twice, but acceptance finally felt amazing. More than anything else, I wanted to prove that I did indeed have something to bring to the table. It led to a game wherein I was constantly fighting - in challenges, against the adversity I was faced with, with allies and against enemies, but most importantly, I fought so hard because I had something to fight for - the cutest experience I could get and the title that seemed and continues to seem so far away, but was closer than ever before just because I was blessed enough to be cast. It wasn’t an opportunity I would squander and explains entirely the tenacity with which I’ve fought across this entire tribal council. I did the most under a pretense of doing the least - and it secured me control of my fate in this game and at times, the fates of others too. Every single vote counted to get here, and every single one required a significant amount of thought about the ramifications and how those could be navigated as well. I was on top of my life in the original tribes, an underdog due to the titanic of my swapped tribe, an aggressor in several votes, a self-deprecator to skew perceptions, all over the radar across the merge, and a physical contender, but behind all of the faces we put on in this game - I was and still am just a high school senior really happy to have a nice escape from a critical and daunting moment of my life by diving into a different world with a group of wonderful people. It’s been the cute experience I fought for and hopefully, for the title of Sole Survivor as well. My story is one of perseverance above all else - despite what I was, I was always giving it my all for the right reasons.

To answer your fun question,

And on the note of that cute experience, I posted a confessional about this today, because I’ve been pretty reflective. Regardless of the outcome of this all, finding the silver lining and seeing the calm and happiness amidst the chaos is important to me. That calm is obviously the friendships I’ve walked away with. Call me an idealist, but I believe we can find happiness if we look hard enough. Whether it was Becky/Jordan’s comment that “she is better” for the flower pot incident having me CRYING, you being there for me when I was down about academics, or having an emotional goodbye with my star-crossed showmance, Hals, it was the people that made this experience for me. Everyone was a pleasure to play with - in every way possible - for the ups, the downs, and everything in between. I love my Kariba family and it was getting to know each person in it that made this so cute…

As for some specific moments that stand out to me,


 * getting positive Touchy Subjects was v nice. It made me feel v loved.
 * receiving my hunter’s lodge idol was such an ahhhh moment.
 * spending the night up with Jack working that challenge because we bonded.
 * talking with you or Hals about theatre because it is my passion.
 * hearing about every person’s life and aspirations.
 * Dovile’s pre-merge speech to me about going far together
 * the iconic flower pot pre-merge incident and Becky/Jordan’s commentary afterwards
 * venting in my confessional about some of the wildness we endured

I’m getting too sentimental so going to wrap it up. Ilysm & thank you for this opportunity to answer your v open-minded question. It was definitely the perfect note upon which to end my FTC experience, which has been a continuation of the perseverance that characterized a lot of this game for me and the cute ending that I’ve spent thirty-nine days doing the most for. I hope we can catch up soon!! xoxo